Youll take on the mortgage. You have to help! We raised you and bought you a flat, my mother said.
Oh, youve become so distant… My mother was pouring tea, moving back and forth between the cooker and the kitchen table along her well-worn path. You only visit once a month, and barely stay two hours.
Dad sat watching the telly, volume low, though not muted. Footballers darted over the screen; he pretended not to listen, only glancing up now and then to catch the replay of a goal.
Im working, Mum… I wrapped my hands round my cup, letting the heat warm my fingers. I’m at work until nearly nine every night. By the time I get here and back, it’s gone midnight.
Everyone works. Family shouldnt be forgotten.
Outside, dusk thickened. Only the lamp above the table was lit, casting the rest of the kitchen into shadow. There was a cabbage pie on the table, the sort Mum always made whenever I visited.
The funny thing is, Ive hated boiled cabbage ever since I was a child.
But I never learnt how to tell her.
Its delicious, I lied, sipping my tea. She smiled, clearly pleased.
Then she sat opposite me, hands on the tablea gesture I remembered from childhood. Thats how all important conversations began. It was the same when they pushed the first mortgage on me. The same when they persuaded me to leave a boyfriend who wasnt right for me.
Your sister rang yesterday, she said.
How is she?
Tired… The halls are noisy. She shares a room with others. She cant study, so goes to the library, but there arent always seats. Sometimes she sits in the corridor on the windowsill…
I nodded. I could see where this chat was going.
Mum always worked her way toward the point. Slowly. Drip by drip, until the real topic emerged.
I just feel so sorry for her… she sighed. She tries hard, she studies, shes on a grant… But the conditions are just awful.
I know… Shes messaged me.
Mum hesitated, then lowered her voice, as if to tell me a secret.
Your dad and I have been thinking… she whispered. She needs her own place. Something small, a studio. Just a corner to call her own. To study, and sleep like a real person. She cant go on like this…
I gripped my cup tighter.
What do you mean, her own place?
Well, not a big flat… she waved a hand. Just a little studio. There are some for around £130,000… something like that.
I looked her dead in the eye.
And how do you suppose we pay for it?
Mum glanced at Dad. He coughed and turned the telly down another notch.
Weve been to the bank, she exhaled. Talked to this bloke, then another… No chance. Too old, incomes too low, turned down everywhere.
And then she said what I knew she would.
But youll be approved. Youve a good salary. Six years paying off your own mortgage, no missed payments. Perfect credit. Second mortgage? No trouble. Well help with paymentsat least until your sister is on her feet. Then, when shes working, shell pay it herself.
Inside, my chest tightened, like someone had sucked all the air from the room.
Well help with payments.
Id heard those very same words six years ago. At this same table. Under this same lamp. With this same cabbage pie.
Mum… Im barely getting by as it is…
Oh, dont start. Youve got a flat, a job. What more do you want?
I have a flat… but I dont have a life, I said quietly. Six years on a hamster wheel. Work late nearly every day, weekends sometimes too, just to have enough. Im twenty-eight and cant even go on a proper dateeither Im too tired or cant afford it. My friends are all married, with kids by now… and Im still on my own and exhausted.
Mum looked at me as if I were being dramatic.
You always make mountains out of molehills.
A second mortgage, Mum… I cant even stand firmly on my feet, myself.
She pressed her lips together, smoothing the tablecloth as if it were to blame, not her demands.
We helped you, sold Grans cottage for your deposit. Were not strangers.
I finally snapped.
Mum… that was my share of the inheritance.
Her face changed at once.
What do you mean, your share? It was family money. We gave it to you. We sorted the paperwork and the banks!
You took my money, and for six years now youve reminded me how much you helped.
Dad finally turned away from the telly.
His look was heavy.
So whatyoure keeping score, are you? Your own parents are strangers now?
Im not keeping score… Just telling the truth.
He slapped his palm lightly on the tableenough for me to feel chilled.
The truth is, we bought you a flat, and you wont help your own sister. Bloods thicker than water, or have you forgotten?
I felt a lump in my throat, but forced myself to stay calm.
You didnt buy me a flat. The mortgage is in my name. You used my inheritance for the deposit. The first two years you helpedsome months ten thousand, some fifteen. Then you stopped. And for six years now, Ive kept up the payments on my own. Now you want me to take a second mortgage.
Well pay! said Mum, patient as if talking to a child. You only need to take it out.
When do I get to start living my own life?
Silence.
Even the telly fell quieta commercial came on. Dad turned his back to me again.
Mum stared at me like Id said something shameful.
Im off, I stood, grabbing my bag.
Wait stay a bit longer she tried. Lets talk, properly, just us
Im too tired, Mum.
I left without looking back.
The pie sat untouched on the table.
In the stairwell, I leaned against the wall, eyes closed.
My phone buzzeda friend.
Whereve you disappeared to? Werent we meeting up?
I was at my parents
Howd it go?
I hesitated a second.
Horrible. They want me to take out another mortgage. For my sister.
What?! You havent even finished paying off the first!
Exactly. They say the bank will give me the loan since Ive paid on time. Theyll make the paymentsuntil my sister has a job, then shell pay it.
Thats a trap, she said. Mark my words. Youll be stuck with it. All of it.
I squeezed my phone.
I know
Then she told me about her own relatives whod tried a similar thingjust needed a signature, promised nothing to worry aboutand nearly lost their flat.
Finally she said, You have the right to say no. Thats not selfishness. Thats survival.
I sat on a bench outside and just breathed.
For the first time in ages, I sat for ten minutes without rushing anywhere.
My mind turned over the numbers.
First mortgagehow much a month.
Nine years still to go.
If I take out a seconddouble that.
Id be left with barely enough to eat.
Id be living to pay.
Not living to live.
Three days later, Mum turned up without warning.
Early. Morning. I was getting ready for work.
Ive brought you some pastries, she smiled. I want us to talk, just us, in peace. Without your dad.
I opened the door.
Put the kettle on.
Left the pastries unopened.
She sat down.
I didnt sleep a wink You have to understand. Your sister is young. Not independent. Youre strong. We can rely on you.
I looked her straight in the eye, finally saying what Id never dared to before.
Mum Im not strong. I just dont have a choice.
She waved her hand.
You have everything. A flat. A job. Your sister has nothing.
At that, I pulled out my notebook.
I opened to the page where Id worked out every penny.
Look. My salary. My mortgage. Bills. Food. Travel. Im left with almost nothing. If I fall ill or something breaksgame over.
Mum brushed the notebook away, as if it were an annoying fly.
You cant live by sums on paper. Things always work out.
That somehow is my life. Six years of it. No holidays, no clothes, nothing. My friends all go abroad, I work overtime each holiday just to build a buffer.
She raised her voice.
We promised well help!
You promised last time as well.
Her eyes flashed.
So now you blame me?!
No. Im telling the truth.
She shot up from her chair.
We raised you! Educated you! Got you a flat!
Im not saying you didnt raise me. Im saying I cant do any more.
Mum spoke like ice.
Cant or wont?
And for the first time, I looked her straight in the eye and didnt look away.
I wont.
There was silence.
Her face flushed red, patchy.
So thats it Your own sister means nothing. We mean nothing. Fine. Remember that.
She snatched up her bag and stormed out.
The door slammed so hard, the hallway mirror rattled.
I stayed in the kitchen.
The pastries sat on the tableuseless, unopened, a guilt-shaped box.
That evening, I messaged my sister:
Hey. Ill come see you Saturday. Alright?
She replied quickly:
Great! Come!
And so I went.
I wanted to see with my own eyes the nightmare Mum had described.
The halls were average.
Small. Yes.
Noisy. Sometimes.
But tidy, clean.
And my sister she didnt look like a victim.
She hugged me, laughing:
If youd told me youd come this early, Id have tidied up!
I looked arounda few beds, wardrobes, one table. Her photos on the wall with a string of fairy lights. She was trying to make it homely.
We sat and talked.
Then I asked her:
Have you talked to Mum about this flat?
She looked surprised.
Yeah but I thought theyd sort it. Not you
They cant. They want me to do it.
Her face changed.
Wait Youre still paying your mortgage, arent you?
Yeah.
How much is it?
I told her.
She gasped.
I had no idea Mum never said it was so hard for you
Then my sister said something that set me free:
Im not insisting. Honestly. Im fine. Got plenty of friends. Even met a lad recently. Its fun. If I need to, Ill find work and sort myself.
I looked at her, not sure whether to laugh or cry.
All this time Id been made to believe she was helpless…
But she was just a convenient excuse.
On the train home, watching raindrops streak the window, I felt no guilt for the first time in years.
My sister will be alright.
Shes not a child.
She isnt helpless.
And me Im done paying for other peoples decisions.
I rang Mum.
I saw my sister.
And?! Seen how she lives?!
Mum shes not suffering. Shes fine. She isnt asking for this either.
Mum snorted:
Shes just a child. Too proud to complain!
And then I said it clear as day:
Mum Im not taking out the mortgage.
Her voice turned cold, unfamiliar.
So you dont trust your own parents? We said wed pay!
You said that before.
Stop repeating yourself!
Im not repeating. I just dont want to destroy myself.
She started shouting
that I was ungrateful
a traitor
that family doesnt abandon each other
that one day Id need help and remember
And then she hung up.
Dad didnt answer the phone either.
Messagesno replies.
It went quiet.
And I was alone.
I cried.
Yes.
A lot.
But I cried from pain, not guilt.
Because when someone says to you:
Youre with us, or youre against us
thats not love.
Its control.
And that night, in the dark, I realised something:
Sometimes saying no…
isnt betrayal.
Sometimes no is the only way to save yourself.
Because life lasts a long time.
And if I have to live it…
Ill live it as my own,
not as the life my parents have written out for me.
Was I really supposed to spend my whole life paying back my parents, even if it cost me everything? My answer is no. I choose myselfat last.











