— You have no conscience. Can’t you see how hard it is for Daniel? He’s your brother, you could have helped him. You always think only about yourself.

Recently, my mom called me and asked me to take all my belongings from her apartment.

— We can barely move around here because of your stuff, — she said.

This conversation happened after I refused to give my brother, Daniel, money for the down payment on an apartment. Yes, give, not lend, because I know perfectly well that he would never pay me back.

After I refused, Daniel stormed out of my apartment, furious. He was convinced that I would just hand over all my savings to him because he has a family and children, while I don’t.

I need to talk this out because I feel that my relatives are being unfair, especially right before the holidays.

When I moved to London to study, I immediately started working part-time.

At first, I lived in a dormitory, then I rented an apartment with a friend. I didn’t want to depend on my parents, so I worked hard not only to support myself but also to help my mom.

She never directly took money from me, but she always asked me to bring something useful: clothes, shoes, household items.

And as for groceries, I always arrived with bags full of food.

My mom lives in a three-bedroom apartment with Daniel. Our dad passed away three years ago.

My brother never had any interest in studying. After finishing school, he went to work in Ireland, but the only thing he managed to buy during that time was an old car. When he returned, he started working as a taxi driver.

Later, he got married and brought his wife, Emily, to live in our mom’s apartment.

They were always short on money because Daniel lived day to day. As soon as he and Emily got paid, they would spend everything almost immediately.

Both my mom and Emily’s parents regularly helped them out financially. Daniel knew that there was always someone who would come to his aid, so he never tried to increase his income or improve his financial situation.

Now, Daniel and Emily have two kids, and a third one is on the way.

They decided that their mom’s apartment had become too small and started thinking about buying their own place.

Meanwhile, I live in a rented apartment with my boyfriend, Ryan. We are planning to get married but have decided to wait for a better time. Our income is stable—Ryan works as a software developer, and I manage several online stores.

We don’t spend money on unnecessary things; instead, we are saving up for our own home so that after the wedding, we can have a place to live independently.

My mom knew about our plans, but she still hinted to Daniel that he could ask me for financial help.

— They want to buy an apartment, but they have no money for the down payment, — my mom told me.

When Daniel came to me and bluntly stated that he needed money, I refused.

He was furious. He believed that I owed it to him simply because he has a family and I don’t.

Later, my mom called me and said:

— You have no conscience. Can’t you see how hard it is for Daniel? He’s your brother, you could have helped him. You always think only about yourself.

Then she added:

— Come and take your stuff from our apartment. We can’t move around here with all your junk. And don’t even bother coming for Christmas. Daniel is mad at you, and I don’t particularly want to see you either.

I didn’t argue. I’ll collect my things and find space for them in my rented apartment. And when Ryan and I buy our own home, I’ll move them there.

I could have lent my brother the money, but I know he would never return it. And he didn’t even ask for a loan—he just expected me to give him my savings.

Just because he has kids…

How would you handle a situation like this?

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— You have no conscience. Can’t you see how hard it is for Daniel? He’s your brother, you could have helped him. You always think only about yourself.