Yesterday, I quit my job in the hope of saving my marriage. Now, Im honestly not sure if I havent lost both.
Id worked at this company for nearly eight years. I started there not long after I got married, so for the longest time, that job was a symbol of securitysteady salary, predictable routine, clear plans for the future. My wife always knew how much that job meant to me. We even spoke about buying a flat with the savings Id managed to put away thanks to it. I never for a second imagined that this would be the place where Id make the mistake thats brought us to this point.
The woman I cheated with turned up about six months ago. At first, there was nothing unusual about itshe sat nearby, asked questions about the job, wanted help since she was new. Gradually, we started having lunch togetherfirst with other colleagues, then just the two of us. Shed confide in me about fights with her boyfriend, her insecurities, her problems. I listened. More and more. Eventually, I started deleting messages just in case, putting my phone on silent when I got home, telling my wife meetings were running late.
The affair happened one random evening after we both left the office late. It wasnt planned, it definitely wasnt romantic, but it was deliberate. I knew it was wrong. That evening, I went home and kissed my wife as I always did. Thats honestly the bit that weighs on me most now.
My wife found out a couple of weeks later. We were in the bedroom, and she picked up my phone to look up a numberand she saw messages that were, lets say, far from normal. She asked me outright. I had no idea what to say. She went quiet for a few minutes, then asked me to tell her everything. So I did. We didnt sleep together that night.
The atmosphere at home for the next few days could have been cut with a knife. She wanted detailswhere, when, how many times, was I still seeing her? I answered everything. Then one day she told me something Ill never forget:
I dont know if I can forgive you, but I do know I cant live with the thought that you see her every day.
Thats when the job came up.
The ultimatum was clear. She said she wasnt forcing me, but she needed to feel safebecause as long as I was walking into that office, she wouldnt be able to move forward. She gave me a choice: I either leave the job or accept that shed go. She wasnt shouting, she didnt cry, and somehow that made it all even heavier.
I spent sleepless nights adding up expenses, savings, debts, all the standing orders. I knew quitting would mean losing my income straight away. But I also knew that if I didnt, our marriage most likely wouldnt survive. So yesterday, I had the chat with my boss, handed in my notice, and walked out of that company with the strangest feelinga blend of relief and absolute fear.
When I got home, I told my wife. I thought it would reassure her. She said she appreciated what Id done, but it didnt mean everything was suddenly fine. She didnt know if shed be able to trust me again. She needs time. She didnt promise anything.
So now, here I amno job, and my marriage is on pause.
I genuinely dont know if Ive just lost my job
or if Im about to lose my wife too.
