Wow, Dad, you really got a welcoming committee! And what did you need that health resort for if you’ve got ‘all-inclusive’ right here at home? When Dmitri handed Eva the keys to his flat, she realised: the fortress was conquered. No DiCaprio ever waited for his Oscar like Eva waited for her Dmitri—now with her own little nest. Disheartened at thirty-five, she was casting sympathetic glances at stray cats and craft shop windows more and more often. And there he was—a solitary soul who’d spent his youth on career, healthy eating, gym memberships, and other nonsense like ‘finding himself’, and still no kids. Eva had wished for this gift since she was twenty, and it seemed the heavens finally understood she wasn’t joking. ‘I have one last business trip this year, and I’m all yours,’ Dmitri said, handing over the precious keys. ‘Just don’t be alarmed by my cave. I usually come home only to sleep,’ he said—and then whisked off to another time zone for the whole weekend. Eva grabbed her toothbrush, face cream, and set off to inspect this cave. The problems started at the door. Dmitri had warned the lock could be temperamental, but Eva hadn’t expected it to be this bad. She attacked that door for forty minutes: shoving, pulling, sliding the key in all possible ways, politely cajoling it, but it refused to open to its new resident. Eva tried psychological pressure, like her classmates taught behind the garages back in school. The noise brought out a neighbour. ‘Why are you breaking into someone else’s flat?’ asked a worried woman’s voice. ‘I’m not breaking in, I’ve got keys!’ Eva snapped, wiping sweat from her brow. ‘And who are you, exactly? I’ve never seen you before,’ the neighbour continued nosily. ‘I’m his girlfriend!’ Eva said boldly, hands on hips. But she saw only a crack where the negotiation was happening. ‘You?’ the woman was genuinely surprised. ‘Yes, me. Problem?’ ‘No, none at all. It’s just, he’s never brought anyone here before,’ (at which Eva loved Dmitri even more), ‘and now suddenly, someone like…’ ‘Someone like who?’ Eva asked, baffled. ‘You know, it’s not my business. Sorry,’ the neighbour retreated, closing her door. Knowing it was now or never, Eva forced the key with all her resolve, nearly twisting the entire doorframe around. The door opened. Dmitri’s inner world appeared before her, and Eva felt her soul turn frosty. She understood that a solitary young man could be a bit ascetic, but this place was positively monastic. ‘Poor thing, your heart has long forgotten, or maybe never knew, what comfort means,’ Eva whispered, surveying the modest home she’d now be spending so much time in. Still, she was happy. The neighbour was right: a woman’s touch had clearly never graced these walls, floors, kitchen, or those grey windows. Eva was the first. Unable to resist, she hurried off to the nearest shop for cheerful curtains and a bath mat—and ended up with oven mitts and kitchen towels too. Once there, her excitement took over: scented candles, handmade soaps, handy organisers for cosmetics joined the pile. ‘Adding a few touches to someone else’s flat isn’t overstepping,’ Eva soothed herself, as she attached a second trolley to the first. The lock gave her no more trouble—in fact, it quit working altogether, now about as secure as a hockey goalie who forgot his mask. Realising what she’d done, Eva spent the night extracting the old lock with whatever kitchen knives she could find, and the next morning dashed off for a new one (and knives, and forks, spoons, a tablecloth, cutting boards, coasters, and, obviously, curtains). On Sunday Dmitri called, saying he’d be delayed a couple more days. ‘I’d be glad if you brought some warmth and comfort to my flat,’ he laughed, when Eva confessed she’d made a few changes. By now, Eva was importing coziness by the truckload, distributing it according to technical plans and paperwork—as though she’d been storing up for years as a lonely woman, and now, unleashed, couldn’t stop. By the time Dmitri returned, his old flat housed only a lone spider near the vent. Eva almost evicted it too, but seeing its eight astonished eyes, decided it was best left as a symbol of respecting someone else’s property. Dmitri’s home now looked like he’d been happily married for eight years, got divorced, and was now happy out of sheer defiance. Eva didn’t just take over the flat—she let the whole building know she was now the lady of the house, and any questions should be addressed to her. There might not be a ring yet, but that was just a technicality. The neighbours watched with suspicion at first, then shrugged and said, ‘As you wish, it’s your business.’ *** On Dmitri’s return day, Eva cooked a proper home dinner, poured herself into a glamorous—almost scandalous—outfit, scattered fragrances round the flat, dimmed the new lighting, and waited. Dmitri was late. When Eva began to notice her dress biting uncomfortably into the spot she’d been working on in the gym for months, she heard a key in the lock. ‘It’s a new lock, just push, it’s not locked!’ Eva called out, flustered but inviting. She wasn’t afraid of judgement—she’d done such a good job on the flat, she’d be forgiven anything. Just as the door opened, Eva received a sudden text from Dmitri: ‘Where are you? I’m home. The flat looks just the same. My mates warned me you’d drown it in cosmetics!’ Eva only saw the message later. Meanwhile, five complete strangers entered: two young men, two kids, and a very old gentleman, who instantly straightened up and patted his hair upon seeing Eva. ‘Wow, Dad, they’re rolling out the red carpet! And why’d you need the health spa, when there’s ‘all-inclusive’ at home?’ said one young man, only to get an elbow from his wife for staring. Eva stood frozen at the doorway, two brimming glasses in hand. She wanted to scream, but couldn’t overcome her shock. A triumphant spider tittered in the corner. ‘Excuse me, and who are you?’ Eva squeaked. ‘I’m the master of this den. And you, I suppose, are from the clinic, here to do the bandages? I said I’d manage myself,’ replied the granddad, eyeing Eva’s nurse outfit. ‘Uh, yes, Adam Mathews, your place is such a haven now!’ the young man’s wife peered hopefully behind Eva. ‘So much better; before it was like a crypt. And you, dear, what’s your name? Isn’t our Adam Mathews a little too old for you? Although, he does have his own place…’ ‘E-e-va…’ ‘Well, well! You’ve picked a winner, Adam Mathews, no doubt about that!’ Judging by his twinkling eyes, granddad felt the same. ‘Where’s Dmitri?’ Eva whispered, nervously downing both glasses. ‘That’s me!’ chirped the eight-year-old lad. ‘Not yet, son—it’s too soon for you to be a Dmitri,’ his mum said, shooing the kids and husband back toward the car. ‘I…I’m sorry, I must have the wrong flat,’ Eva stammered, remembering her misadventures with the lock. ‘This is Lilac Street, eighteen, flat twenty-six?’ ‘No, this is Beech Street, eighteen,’ the old man replied, ready to unwrap his surprise visitor. ‘Oh…’ Eva sighed dramatically. ‘I must’ve mixed it up. Well, make yourselves at home. I just need to make a call.’ She grabbed her phone and dashed to the bathroom, barricading herself and wrapping up in a towel to finally read Dmitri’s message. ‘Dmitri, I’ll be there soon, just got held up in the shop,’ she replied. ‘Great, I’m waiting. If you don’t mind, grab a bottle of red,’ Dmitri left in a voice message. Eva would certainly bring the red—now boiling inside her. Clutching her bath mat and removing the curtain, she waited till the strangers entered the kitchen, then made her escape. Quickly packing up, she ran from the flat. *** ‘I’ll explain later,’ Eva mumbled about her appearance as Dmitri opened the door. Moving like she was sleepwalking, she passed him without a glance, headed straight to the bathroom, rehung the curtain and laid out the mat—then collapsed on the sofa and slept till morning, letting all the stress and all the ‘red’ fade away. Upon waking, Eva saw an unfamiliar young man waiting for an explanation. ‘Can I just ask… what’s this address?’ ‘Boot Avenue, eighteen.’

Blimey, Dad, what a welcome committee youve got. And what was the point of that spa holiday, when home is such an all inclusive?

When Oliver handed her the keys to his flat, Daisy felt an electric jolt: Bastille, stormed. No actor at the Oscars ever yearned half so much as Daisy had for her Oliver, and finally, shed got her own nest.

Thirty-five and worn from waiting, Daisy found herself tossing sympathetic glances at stray cats and fingering the Everything for Crafting shop windows.

And in he camea career-driven bachelor whod spent his youth on kale, rowing machines, mindfulness podcasts, and all those tedious adventures in self-discovery, plus child-free to boot.

It was a gift Daisyd wished for since she was twenty, and it seemed, somewhere high up in the clouds, the gods finally took her seriously.

One last work trip this year, and then Im yours, Oliver smiled, dropping the hallowed keys in her hand, Just dont let my den scare you. Ill only come home to sleep, and off he went, vanishing into a weekend somewhere six hours ahead.

With only a toothbrush and a night cream, Daisy set off to inspect the lair. Trouble started at the threshold; Oliver had mentioned the lock could be tricky, but Daisy hadnt imagined itd be possessed.

She stormed the doorpushing, pulling, jostling the key all the way in, gently trying a sly half-turnbut the door refused her as though it sensed fresh occupation.

Daisy began her psychological assault, recalling playground tricks from schooldays behind the bike sheds. The commotion summoned a neighbouring door to open, a curious Mrs. Smith peeking through a crack.

Why are you breaking into someone else’s flat? came the suspicious voice.

Im not breaking in, Ive got the keys, Daisy snapped, mopping her brow.

Who are you, then? I’ve never seen you before, the neighbour pried.

Im his girlfriend! Daisy retorted, planting hands on hipsonly to find herself still speaking to the gap.

You? the woman gasped.

Yes! Any issue with that?

Oh, no. Just hes never brought anyone over before. (Daisys heart swelled for this gentle loner.) And now suddenlywell

What, suddenly what?

You know what, its none of my business. Sorry, Mrs. Smith mumbled, closing the door.

Determined not to be bested, Daisy stabbed the key with all her yearning, nearly twisting the whole door frame off. Finally, it surrendered.

Olivers entire inner landscape unfolded before her, and Daisy gave a little gaspthe room was cloaked in an icy, monkish quiet. A bachelors asceticism she could expect, but this was a hermits cell.

Poor soul, your hearts never known comfort, has it? she whispered as she wandered his sparse dwelling, her home for the foreseeable.

Yet there was reliefthe neighbour hadnt lied: these walls, floors, kitchen, and cloudy windows had never felt the sweep of a womans hand. She was the first.

Burning with impatience, Daisy donned her shoes and dashed to the nearest shop for a bright shower curtain and a soft bath mat, plus oven mitts and tea towels.

Once in the shop, Daisy lost the plot. To the curtain and mat, she added diffusers, handmade soaps, cosmetic caddiesher baskets piled up like a festival in a strangers flat.

To add these bits is hardly presumptuous, Daisy told herself, hitching a second trolley to the first.

The lock ceased resistance. In fact, with Daisys efforts, it gave up entirelylike a hapless goalie whod forgotten his mask on finals day.

Gripped with guilt, Daisy spent half the night with kitchen knives, picking away at the old lock, and rushed at dawn to get a new one. The knives, of course, needed replacing tooand forks, and spoons, and a tablecloth, and chopping boards Why not toss in new coasters, and the curtains would clearly be next.

Sunday afternoon brought a call. Oliver, delayed, would be away a couple more days.

Im grateful if you bring a little warmth to my flat, he chuckled when Daisy confessed her interior design spree.

By then, Daisy had funnelled enough cosiness in by the lorry-load, mapped according to mood boards and Pinterest plans. Years of unspent nesting energy burst forthshe couldnt help herself.

By the time Oliver came back, only a startled spider remained in the corner above the vent; Daisy nearly ousted it, but seeing its eight amazed eyes bulge at the sudden colour explosion, she let it be as a symbol: some treasures untouched.

Olivers flat now looked like hed happily survived eight years of marriage, then despaired, then somehow become joyous in defiance.

And Daisy tackled more than just her own quartersnow the whole building knew there was a new boss, and questions found their way to her. Ring on her finger or not, that was a mere technicality.

Neighbours gawked, then shrugged: As you say, lovenone of our business.

***
When Olivers return arrived, Daisy cooked a proper home meal, squeezed her supple thighs into a festive, faintly risqué dress, scattered diffusers in the corners, dimmed the fresh lamps, and waited.

He was tardy. When Daisy began to feel pinched from the wrapping meant for showing off all those squats in the gym, the lock clicked.

The locks new, just pushits open! Daisy called, airily, shamelessly. She wasnt worried. Shed done wonders with the place: all would be forgiven.

As the door swung wide, Daisy received an unexpected text from Oliver: Where are you? Im home. Flat looks just like it always did. Friends warned youd fill it with cosmetics.

Daisy only saw that message later because, at that exact moment, five total strangers swept in: two lads, two small schoolkids, and a doddering elderly gent who straightened up and patted his grey tufts when he clocked Daisy.

Crikey, Dad, just look at this welcome! the eldest said, getting a wallop from his missus for staring.

Daisy, rooted, clutching two glasses of wine, was paralysed. She wanted to scream but couldnt.

Somewhere, in the corner, the spider chortled.

Excuse me, who are you? Daisy squeaked.

Owner of this local nest. You from the surgery? Here to change my bandage? Thought I said I could manage, answered the old man, eyeing Daisys pseudo-nurse outfit.

Erm, yes, Mr. Adams, its lovely in here… peered the young wife, grinning behind Daisy. A far cry from the crypt it was. And you, miss, whats your name? Isnt our Mr. Adams a bit mature for you? Though, a man with his own flat…

D-d-daisy

Well! You pick ’em well, Mr. Adams. Cant fault your taste!

The old mans eyes sparkled, clearly pleased.

And wheres Oliver? Daisy whispered, draining both glasses in one.

Im Oliver! piped up the eight-year-old boy.

Wait, youre a bit young for Oliver, his mum laughed, ushering the kids and her husband back out.

Im so sorry, I think Ive got the wrong flat, Daisy finally managed, thinking back to her wrestling match with the lock. Is this Lavender Avenue, number eighteen, flat twenty-six?

No, this is Beechwood Avenue, eighteen, the old man said, positively gleaming at the prospect of this surprise.

Ah, Daisy winced, Ive mixed up the addresses. Carry on, settle in, Ill justummake a phone call.

She darted into the bathroom, barricaded herself with a towel, and finally read Olivers text.

Oliver, Im on my way, got held up at the shop, she replied quickly.

All good, looking forwardbring a bottle of red, will you? Oliver voice-messaged.

Shed bring the red, but only within herself. Tucking the bath mat and snatched curtain under her arm, Daisy waited until the strangers moved into the kitchen, then dashed out.

Stuffing her things in a carrier, she bolted, half-floating down the corridor.

***
Ill explain, but later, was all Daisy said when Oliver opened the door.

Moving as if underwater, she passed him by, went straight to the bathroom, re-hung the curtain, unfurled the mat, then curled up on the couch and slept straight through until morning, when the stress and wine had finally left her.

Awaking, she found Oliver waiting, expecting clarification.

Sorry, butwhats the address, again?

Butterfield Avenue, eighteenOliver grinned and sat beside her, his hand warm atop hers. Youre home now, Daisy. No maps needed.

She laugheda surprised, bright sound that cut through the last traces of humiliation. He poured two glasses, red and rich, and together they made a toast, not to getting it right, but to getting there in the end.

As evening drifted in, Daisy leaned her head on Olivers shoulder and watched the new bath mat ripple beneath their feet, the curtain casting cozy shadows on their joined world. Shed gotten lost, stumbled, turned the wrong key in the wrong lock, but somehow, shed found the welcome shed waited for all those years.

Outside, a breeze rattled the letterbox, bearing in a faint giggle and the memory of eight bright eyes blinking above a vent. Daisy smiled, raised her glass: to spiders, strangers, and the serendipity of falling into just the right lifeby way of the entirely wrong flat.

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Wow, Dad, you really got a welcoming committee! And what did you need that health resort for if you’ve got ‘all-inclusive’ right here at home? When Dmitri handed Eva the keys to his flat, she realised: the fortress was conquered. No DiCaprio ever waited for his Oscar like Eva waited for her Dmitri—now with her own little nest. Disheartened at thirty-five, she was casting sympathetic glances at stray cats and craft shop windows more and more often. And there he was—a solitary soul who’d spent his youth on career, healthy eating, gym memberships, and other nonsense like ‘finding himself’, and still no kids. Eva had wished for this gift since she was twenty, and it seemed the heavens finally understood she wasn’t joking. ‘I have one last business trip this year, and I’m all yours,’ Dmitri said, handing over the precious keys. ‘Just don’t be alarmed by my cave. I usually come home only to sleep,’ he said—and then whisked off to another time zone for the whole weekend. Eva grabbed her toothbrush, face cream, and set off to inspect this cave. The problems started at the door. Dmitri had warned the lock could be temperamental, but Eva hadn’t expected it to be this bad. She attacked that door for forty minutes: shoving, pulling, sliding the key in all possible ways, politely cajoling it, but it refused to open to its new resident. Eva tried psychological pressure, like her classmates taught behind the garages back in school. The noise brought out a neighbour. ‘Why are you breaking into someone else’s flat?’ asked a worried woman’s voice. ‘I’m not breaking in, I’ve got keys!’ Eva snapped, wiping sweat from her brow. ‘And who are you, exactly? I’ve never seen you before,’ the neighbour continued nosily. ‘I’m his girlfriend!’ Eva said boldly, hands on hips. But she saw only a crack where the negotiation was happening. ‘You?’ the woman was genuinely surprised. ‘Yes, me. Problem?’ ‘No, none at all. It’s just, he’s never brought anyone here before,’ (at which Eva loved Dmitri even more), ‘and now suddenly, someone like…’ ‘Someone like who?’ Eva asked, baffled. ‘You know, it’s not my business. Sorry,’ the neighbour retreated, closing her door. Knowing it was now or never, Eva forced the key with all her resolve, nearly twisting the entire doorframe around. The door opened. Dmitri’s inner world appeared before her, and Eva felt her soul turn frosty. She understood that a solitary young man could be a bit ascetic, but this place was positively monastic. ‘Poor thing, your heart has long forgotten, or maybe never knew, what comfort means,’ Eva whispered, surveying the modest home she’d now be spending so much time in. Still, she was happy. The neighbour was right: a woman’s touch had clearly never graced these walls, floors, kitchen, or those grey windows. Eva was the first. Unable to resist, she hurried off to the nearest shop for cheerful curtains and a bath mat—and ended up with oven mitts and kitchen towels too. Once there, her excitement took over: scented candles, handmade soaps, handy organisers for cosmetics joined the pile. ‘Adding a few touches to someone else’s flat isn’t overstepping,’ Eva soothed herself, as she attached a second trolley to the first. The lock gave her no more trouble—in fact, it quit working altogether, now about as secure as a hockey goalie who forgot his mask. Realising what she’d done, Eva spent the night extracting the old lock with whatever kitchen knives she could find, and the next morning dashed off for a new one (and knives, and forks, spoons, a tablecloth, cutting boards, coasters, and, obviously, curtains). On Sunday Dmitri called, saying he’d be delayed a couple more days. ‘I’d be glad if you brought some warmth and comfort to my flat,’ he laughed, when Eva confessed she’d made a few changes. By now, Eva was importing coziness by the truckload, distributing it according to technical plans and paperwork—as though she’d been storing up for years as a lonely woman, and now, unleashed, couldn’t stop. By the time Dmitri returned, his old flat housed only a lone spider near the vent. Eva almost evicted it too, but seeing its eight astonished eyes, decided it was best left as a symbol of respecting someone else’s property. Dmitri’s home now looked like he’d been happily married for eight years, got divorced, and was now happy out of sheer defiance. Eva didn’t just take over the flat—she let the whole building know she was now the lady of the house, and any questions should be addressed to her. There might not be a ring yet, but that was just a technicality. The neighbours watched with suspicion at first, then shrugged and said, ‘As you wish, it’s your business.’ *** On Dmitri’s return day, Eva cooked a proper home dinner, poured herself into a glamorous—almost scandalous—outfit, scattered fragrances round the flat, dimmed the new lighting, and waited. Dmitri was late. When Eva began to notice her dress biting uncomfortably into the spot she’d been working on in the gym for months, she heard a key in the lock. ‘It’s a new lock, just push, it’s not locked!’ Eva called out, flustered but inviting. She wasn’t afraid of judgement—she’d done such a good job on the flat, she’d be forgiven anything. Just as the door opened, Eva received a sudden text from Dmitri: ‘Where are you? I’m home. The flat looks just the same. My mates warned me you’d drown it in cosmetics!’ Eva only saw the message later. Meanwhile, five complete strangers entered: two young men, two kids, and a very old gentleman, who instantly straightened up and patted his hair upon seeing Eva. ‘Wow, Dad, they’re rolling out the red carpet! And why’d you need the health spa, when there’s ‘all-inclusive’ at home?’ said one young man, only to get an elbow from his wife for staring. Eva stood frozen at the doorway, two brimming glasses in hand. She wanted to scream, but couldn’t overcome her shock. A triumphant spider tittered in the corner. ‘Excuse me, and who are you?’ Eva squeaked. ‘I’m the master of this den. And you, I suppose, are from the clinic, here to do the bandages? I said I’d manage myself,’ replied the granddad, eyeing Eva’s nurse outfit. ‘Uh, yes, Adam Mathews, your place is such a haven now!’ the young man’s wife peered hopefully behind Eva. ‘So much better; before it was like a crypt. And you, dear, what’s your name? Isn’t our Adam Mathews a little too old for you? Although, he does have his own place…’ ‘E-e-va…’ ‘Well, well! You’ve picked a winner, Adam Mathews, no doubt about that!’ Judging by his twinkling eyes, granddad felt the same. ‘Where’s Dmitri?’ Eva whispered, nervously downing both glasses. ‘That’s me!’ chirped the eight-year-old lad. ‘Not yet, son—it’s too soon for you to be a Dmitri,’ his mum said, shooing the kids and husband back toward the car. ‘I…I’m sorry, I must have the wrong flat,’ Eva stammered, remembering her misadventures with the lock. ‘This is Lilac Street, eighteen, flat twenty-six?’ ‘No, this is Beech Street, eighteen,’ the old man replied, ready to unwrap his surprise visitor. ‘Oh…’ Eva sighed dramatically. ‘I must’ve mixed it up. Well, make yourselves at home. I just need to make a call.’ She grabbed her phone and dashed to the bathroom, barricading herself and wrapping up in a towel to finally read Dmitri’s message. ‘Dmitri, I’ll be there soon, just got held up in the shop,’ she replied. ‘Great, I’m waiting. If you don’t mind, grab a bottle of red,’ Dmitri left in a voice message. Eva would certainly bring the red—now boiling inside her. Clutching her bath mat and removing the curtain, she waited till the strangers entered the kitchen, then made her escape. Quickly packing up, she ran from the flat. *** ‘I’ll explain later,’ Eva mumbled about her appearance as Dmitri opened the door. Moving like she was sleepwalking, she passed him without a glance, headed straight to the bathroom, rehung the curtain and laid out the mat—then collapsed on the sofa and slept till morning, letting all the stress and all the ‘red’ fade away. Upon waking, Eva saw an unfamiliar young man waiting for an explanation. ‘Can I just ask… what’s this address?’ ‘Boot Avenue, eighteen.’