Why would a chap as good-looking and successful as me get married? mused Andrew.
Will we ever get to see grandchildren? wondered his parents.
Andrew had just dropped his friend off at home and returned to his flat. He whipped up a quick fry-up with eggs and ham, plopped himself at the table, and switched on his mobile, which had been off all night. Missed calls galore awaited.
Mums called, he grumbled, Here comes the dressing-down for being such a hopeless case…
Hopeless, Andrew certainly was not. With a proper job, a two-bedroom in London, and a decent Ford parked outside, he was hardly failing. Its just that, at twenty-five, the boy was yet unwed.
Why would a chap as good-looking and successful as me get married? Andrew wondered again.
Will we ever get to see grandchildren? pondered his parents for the nth time.
He rang his mum.
Hello, Mum! Hows the health?
Right as rain, she replied stiffly.
Dad, too?
Also fine. Why dont you come and see for yourself? Its just half an hour in the car and weve not seen hide nor hair of you in months. Your fathers gearing up to dig the garden. Time for planting the spuds.
Mum, cant manage today. Next weekend, I promise. Cross my heart.
How many times have you promised? And when are you going to bring your lady friend around?
I swear, next Saturday, Ill come with a girl. Cant say fairer than that!
Your fiancée?
Not quite.
Son, Im over the moon! See you next Saturday. Ill rustle up a proper spread, all your favourites!
Putting down the phone, Andrew was lost in thought.
What came over me? Who on earth am I meant to bring as my fiancée? Rita? Why not? I’ll sleep on it, then give her a bell. Though the parents will hate her. And that ones hardly the cottage-in-the-country type. Still, she might do for a weekend visit. Right, bedtime
He left the frying pan with the remnants of egg on the table and trudged to bed.
Later, remembering his rash promise, he phoned Rita.
Hi, gorgeous! he cooed into the receiver.
Hello, Andrew, she replied, cool as ice.
Rita, rough night? Let me swing by!
Andrew, lets not see each other any more. My plans for the future have changed.
Whats that supposed to mean? He was getting annoyed.
Im getting married.
Ill come round and have a word with both of you then!
She hung up. Just like that.
Andrew hurled the phone onto the sofa. He usually dodged girlfriends first, not the other way round. Retreating to the bathroom, then the kitchen, he made coffee and brooded.
Where on Earth will I find my parents a bride now? Could call up a recent ex, but theyd soon think I’m ready for commitment.
He didnt finish his coffee the car alarm went off. He dashed out, trainers half on. His Ford sat round the back of the block less trafficked, but in his sightline even at night. There, a man of about forty-something was standing, glaring up at Andrews window.
Now whats all this about? muttered Andrew.
He threw on a jacket and strode outside.
Excuse me, mate, what are you doing?
Listen here, lad, snapped the stranger with middle-aged bravado, If I catch you near Rita again, youll regret it!
Oh, get lost!
A hulking lad appeared out of nowhere.
Andrew opened his mouth to retort, and everything went black
Andrew! Andrew!
A plain-faced girl hovered over him. A fleeting thought Ive seen her somewhere
Are you with us? Need me to ring an ambulance?
No need. Theres a first-aid kit in my motor, he managed a weak smile. Can you manage?
I trained as a nurse, actually.
Andrew took a proper look at her. She lived in the next block, always said hello, though hed dismissed her as a teenager. What was her name? She seemed to notice.
Im Alice. Live next door, remember?
Hop in, Alice! He opened the back door for her. First-aids in there.
He sat in the drivers seat while she patched him up.
Nothing too ghastly, she said.
Cheers!
Catching her reflection in the mirror, he saw her looking at him, as if to ask, Shall I be off, then?
Fancy popping out for coffee? I havent even had breakfast.
Dressed like this? Alice eyed her trainers and joggers.
You look fine. Im no better.
Erm, no, really
Suit yourself, he grinned. Lets change and go.
Half an hour later, she reappeared in a plain dress, make-up obviously SuperSaver. Suddenly Andrew didnt fancy the car he just wanted to walk.
Alice, fancy a stroll instead?
Go on then, she took his arm without a second thought.
Alice chatted away the whole walk. When they found a cosy café, Andrew slid her the menu:
Order what you fancy, Alice.
She scanned the menu, mostly eyeing prices rather than the food itself. Realising she was new to this sort of place, Andrew cut her off and summoned the waiter.
Bring the lady something really tasty. And coffee!
And you, sir?
Just coffee for me.
Our gateaus marvellous.
Yes, thatll do.
Café conquered, they headed home. She headed off at her door.
Monday came, then Friday. Andrew arrived home and remembered, with no small sense of doom:
I promised Mum Id bring a girl tomorrow What to do?
Tea made, cheddar sandwich in hand, he chewed it over:
Turn up alone and Mumll be disappointed. I need a plan
Then it dawned on him Alice! True, he hadnt seen her since Sunday, but hed say hed been swamped at work.
A shave, smart jumper on, he marched to her block. Trouble was, there were fifteen flats and all he knew was her name.
He waited awkwardly, scanning the windows until, suddenly, there she wasin the same joggers and teebolting out the door.
She hesitated.
Hi, Alice!
Hi, Andrew! Her face lit up.
Fancy a walk?
I havent changed, I look a mess
Ill wait! Half an hour enough?
Course, and she scuttled back inside.
Whats the rush, love? her mum called after her.
Just popping out for a walk, mum.
With Andrew? That show-off? You do know all sorts of beauties traipse up to his door?
Mum, please, dont start!
Youre quite something, you are!
But Alice had already vanished. She knew the whole building would be abuzz with gossip tomorrow, but, well, who cared?
She left without looking back, knowing her mum was at the window. She purposefully hooked Andrews arm.
Where to?
Park, coffee, long stargazing under the moon you in?
So to the park they went, then a café, then standing for ages under the moon, arms entwined. Then her phone rang.
Alice, its after one!
Coming, Mum! she sheepishly glanced at Andrew. Time I went home.
Ill walk you
More cuddles at her front door. Then, in a tone that brooked no argument, Andrew declared:
Tomorrow were off to meet my parents.
George! called Andrews mum as the car appeared. Our boys here!
Thought hed forgotten his parents existed.
And hes brought a girl! gasped his mum, dashing out to greet them.
Valerie swooped, eyes fixed unwaveringly on Alice.
Whats your name, dear?
Alice, blushing furiously.
Im Auntie Valerie. Come on in, dont be shy!
Thank you!
Dad appeared, all smiles.
So our boys finally found himself a decent girl. Whats your name, sweetheart?
Alice.
Im George. Uncle George, if you like.
Alice had expected disapproving looks for not being some dazzler, but instead all she saw was warmth on their faces and that really floored her.
Dinner was on the table like the Queen was due. The questions began. Alice came from a perfectly ordinary family and expected Andrews parents to be frightfully posh, but they were as easy-going as her own mum and dad maybe more so.
After lunch, Andrew went to turn over the veg patch with his dad. Alice pitched in to clear the table with Valerie.
Let me help with the washing up, Auntie Valerie.
Together, lets! beamed Valerie.
When the men finished, the whole clan helped put in the potatoes.
When the last spud was planted, Alice sighed:
I should go. Mum will worry.
Stay over, Alice, Valerie insisted. Well eat soon, then you can kip here; Ill put you in separate rooms, promise.
I dont know but it was clear she didnt really want to leave.
Go on, phone home, said Valerie.
Alice rang.
Mum, can I stay over?
Are you sure, love? You said you’d be back tonight.
Whats your mums name? Valerie expertly took the phone. Pauline? Hello, its Valerie, Andrews mum.
Oh, goodness, hello!
Alice will stay with us. I promise, under my supervision plenty of room, theyll have their own beds.
Im not sure what to say
Pauline, youve a smashing daughter…
They chatted for half an hour.
Next day, come late afternoon, it was time to go. Valerie gave them two carrier bags stuffed with home-grown treats.
This ones for Andrew, these two for you, dear.
Thats too much, Auntie Valerie!
City foods tasteless, thats why youre so skinny, love.
Then Valerie cornered her son:
Well? Have you handed in the marriage notice yet?
Mum! We havent even talked about that.
Youd better! Miss your chance and dont you dare bring anyone else here!
As soon as they drove off, Valerie was on the phone:
Pauline, theyre on their way all fine. Sent plenty of stuff for you.
Oh, Valerie, you shouldnt have!
Never mind, love! Well be related soon, at this rate!
Oh, I say! but Pauline sounded tickled.
Hes twenty-five now got a flat, a car what more could anyone want? Mind you, not sure what goes on in Alices head.
In her head?! Head over heels, Id say.
Well then, well just have to give them some gentle guidance, Valerie decided.
Your Andrew is certainly a catch…
Sos your Alice hard working too!
Shes been cleaning the flat and cooking for ages already
Driving home, Andrew caught Alice peeking at him, grinning.
Why the mysterious smile, Andrew?
My folks liked you.
Oh, really!
Mum says Id be a fool to let you go.
Are you going to, then?
Not a chance.
They looked at each other, eyes shining with that unmistakable English romanceAndrew glanced at her, sunlight sliding through the windscreen, painting her hair gold. He reached for her hand, nerves fizzing in his chest.
“Alice,” he said, suddenly shy. “Would you maybe I mean, sometime would you like to try making this official?”
She looked him dead in the eye, lips twitching with all the secrets of someone who’d never expected much, and now was startled to find everything she wanted sitting right in front of her.
“Id like that,” she whispered, tightening her fingers around his.
He grinned so wide it hurt and flicked on the radio, letting some sappy old love song fill the car. Alice laughedproperly laughedand rested her head on his shoulder as they rolled back into the city, two future in-laws already plotting, a mothers voice fading in his memory: Dont miss your chance.
He wouldnt. Not now.
And as the skyline rose before them, Andrew found himself humming along, for once certainabsolutely, impossibly certainthat being hopeless was the luckiest thing that ever happened to him.
