Why My Wife Brought Home an Unlucky Stray Cat Who Couldn’t Stay Out of Trouble, Got Him a Chihuahua for Company (Whose Luck Was Somehow Worse), and How Two Hapless Pets Taught Our Family That Love Is the Best Kind of Luck

Diary Entry

Today has been another reminder of just how unpredictable life can be when you have unlucky pets in the house. Im starting to suspect bringing home that dog was a terrible blunder. Now, instead of one hapless creature, we seem to have two.

It all began, really, when the kitten first appeared. Well, appeared isnt quite rightI found him in the most dreadful state, shivering in a damp cardboard box beside the wheelie bins. God knows who could abandon something so small and helpless. Id only gone out to take the rubbish, yet I returned home with a new family member. We called him Dudley. It suits hima bit of a magnet for misfortune.

His adventures started on day one. The poor mite managed to tread his two front paws right into Mums hot tomato soup. While she leapt to rescue the wailing kitten, Dudleys back feet slipped into a bowl of cold double cream. That was only the beginning…

Dudley became notorious for his constant scrapes. He once managed to sprain every leg just by hopping off the bed. When he knocked over glasses and vases from the tables, he inevitably ended up being whacked by the very things hed sent flying, always landing underneath. If someone left the salt on the table, everyone nearby would quickly shield it with their hand because we all knew the inevitableDudley would leap up and plant his paw squarely in it.

Hes been electrocuted three times (who knows how), and although that should have been the end, the local vet, bless him, revived Dudley each time. He must have a guardian angel, the vet chuckled, shaking his head, while Dad just groaned about another bill in pounds sterling.

Buckets of mop water posed another regular hazard. Dudley toppled into them at every opportunity and had to be fished out again and again, leading to a strict ban on unattended buckets. Hes legendary for his awkward jumps, never landing where he means to, colliding with skirting boards, mirrors, or even the sofa.

Frankly, it was exhausting. Mum took him to every cat lady and supposedly spiritual granny shed ever heard of seeking help, but after Dudley destroyed yet another antique tea set at one of their homes, his reputation was sealed. No one wanted to touch him, not even for a tenner.

Eventually, Mums friend Linda suggested maybe getting Dudley some companya mate, perhaps another kitten or a small dog. Mum lit up at the idea. For the joy of both my wife and daughter, a rather expensive but peculiar-looking chihuahua was brought home and christened Winston.

Why peculiar? If youve ever seen a chihuahua up close, youll know what I mean. More shivery goblin than dog, and the noise he makessomewhere between a bark and a cough.

The next day, Winstons nerves truly revealed themselves. There are mice in our old housealways have been. Dudley is utterly unbothered; in fact, hes fascinated and often plays at chasing them, meaning we keep traps about. Inevitably, Winston found one with his paw and the howling that accompanied it was something else.

Off Mum went to the vet again, this time with a whimpering Winston, realising perhaps too late that now we had two hopelessly unlucky creatures under our roof.

Oddly enough, Dudley seemed to adopt Winston. Soon, the pair were inseparablealways underfoot, bumbling into flowerbeds, suffering ant stings and bee chases, and being nipped by the neighbours geese or pecked by our hens. Our household chaos had doubled overnight.

Then something truly bizarre happened. My husband, Peter, keeps his old Ford parked just in front of the houseone benefit of countryside living: no shortage of space. Hed step out each morning, mug of tea in hand and packed lunch ready, lock the garden gate, and drive off.

That one morning, Dudley, having already knocked over the tea and sent a buttered crumpet sailing to the floor, didnt hide under the table as usual. Instead, he dashed to the door and planted himself firmly in the middle, refusing to let Peter pass.

Peter tried scooping him out of the way, only for Dudley to scratch him with his singularly sharp claws and arch his back menacingly.
You little devil! Peter shouted. Its not enough that youve dumped my tea and breakfast, now you want to box me out too? Get onmove!

As Peter tried to nudge Dudley aside with his foot, Winston suddenly burst from under the bed, hackles raised, unleashing a wheezy cough-bark in defence of his feline friend. The tiny dog stood his ground, trembling but determined, shielding Dudley with all his might, bearing his miniscule teeth in a show of courage that was both ridiculous and touching.

I dont believe this! Peter said, exasperated. Im going to be late for work because you two wont budge? Off he stomped to the bedroom to fetch me. Youd better get upthese two are blocking the way to the door!

Still half-dreaming, I joined him. Just as we reached the unlikely duo standing guard, there was a tremendous crash from outside.

We ran out to find a milk float of all things, the local dairy van, had careered out of control and, brakes failing, smashed full tilt into Peters parked car, reducing it to a mound of twisted metal on the kerb. Peters fresh tea tumbled from his hand in disbelief. The poor milkman went off in an ambulance, heart attack or somethingthese things happen.

From then on, Dudley and Winston let Peter pass to work, but not without Peter pausing each morning and asking, Boys, everything safe out there, yeah? Winston would bare his teeth and nod sagely.

If youre wondering if luck has changed for Dudley and Winston, rest assured, not a bit of it! The calamities continuein ever new and creative forms. But the difference now is, no one sighs at the skies, no one keeps tally of the pound notes spent on their misadventures, and no one utters a word about curses or misfortune. We just laugh, scoop them up, smother them in kisses, and wipe them off whenever they get covered in double cream or tomato soup.

Winston proudly wears a sparkly new collar, and Dudleys scratching posts fill every corner, plus we bought him a fancy bedwhich he steadfastly ignores in favour of sleeping at our feet. Where, of course, he topples off a hundred times a night, yowling and setting off a commotion.

Naturally, Winston races to his side, barking (well, coughing) valiantly and threatening any and all invisible threats that dare upset his beloved chum. Half an hour later, peace restored, both animals squeezed in between us, and we all drift back to sleep till morning.

If youre not sure what it all means, you can just turn the page. But really, this is just another story about love. And the truth is, we cherish Dudley and Winstonnot because of luck or lack thereof, but because theyre ours, and that makes us the luckiest of all.

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Why My Wife Brought Home an Unlucky Stray Cat Who Couldn’t Stay Out of Trouble, Got Him a Chihuahua for Company (Whose Luck Was Somehow Worse), and How Two Hapless Pets Taught Our Family That Love Is the Best Kind of Luck