What are you doing here? Her mother stood clutching the door, barely opening it enough to see her daughter. How am I supposed to face people in the village now? Youre no daughter of mine. The gossip just died down, we couldnt even go to the village shop for half a year. Why have you come back? Why?
Who is it, Grace?
Your eldestshes come back.
Anna?
Her father opened the sturdy wooden door so suddenly the hinges rattled.
He looked Anna up and down, making her feel small.
Go where you like, I dont want to see you. And youlike this, with a baby on the way.
Anna said nothing, her eyes hopeful beneath her heavy fringe. She thought perhaps her parents hearts would soften, that they would let her back in. She had nowhere else. Shed lost her job when her boss found out she was pregnant. She couldnt pay the rent on the little bedsit she let from Mrs Jenkins. No money, no home. No one understood. She felt frightened.
Anna stepped off the front steps, pausing, her hand resting protectively on her belly.
You wont move her, her mother muttered, turning away.
Her father closed the door on her.
Anna hunched in on herself, desperate not to cry. She held back, even as the baby inside twisted, picking up her anxiety. So much for coming home
Snow squeaked under her boots as she latched the gate behind her, glancing at the kitchen window where a warm light glowed. The curtains were tightly drawn.
Inside the village shop, it was toasty. Anna stepped in and looked around. Not a thing had changed. On the right, shelves with the goods and Mrs Sykes at the counter. On the left, glass-fronted displays and the blue-painted locked cupboard.
Could I have a loaf, please? Anna counted out her last few pounds.
Back again, are you!
Anna kept her head down, repeating, Just the loaf, please.
Well, here you are. Not sure you deserve it, but its my job to sell
Mrs Sykes handed over the bread and seemed about to say something more, but a young couple entered just then.
Anna tried to fit the fresh loaf into her bagit was too large, almost springy with freshness, inviting her to eat it right there. Mrs Sykes started whispering and nodding in Annas direction, but Anna hurried out before she could hear.
Snow began to fall again. The wind eased. Anna broke off a chunk of bread and closed her eyes, grateful to have one less problem for the moment.
She slipped behind the shop and leaned against the cold wall, tearing pieces from the loaf, the smell of it washing her in memories of home and of happier times.
Anna? said a voice, suddenly, right in front of her.
She opened her eyes and froze, recognizing the elderly woman.
Hello, Anna said, lowering the bread, recognising Mrs Cartwright, Andrews grandmother.
What are you hiding here for? The old woman in her sheepskin coat and knitted scarf looked her up and down.
Ive nowhere to go. My parents turned me away.
And wherever you wentdidnt work out?
Anna just shrugged.
Come along, then, Mrs Cartwright said without another question.
She set off on her stick, not looking back.
Anna breathed out, and followed. Her mind felt empty; she was too tired to think. She just wanted sleep.
She remembered the little house on the outskirts. She and Andrew had run past it just a handful of times, off to their secret spot. Once, Andrew had stopped by the gate and called out, Gran, Ill see you in the morning!
Evening, Anna had called, not wanting to seem rude.
Mrs Cartwright had only met Anna a couple of times, but she remembered hereasily, after everything that had happened. Now, Anna longed desperately to undo everything, to go back, to escape the shame, to taste Andrews kiss again, to be young and carefree once more.
She had often wondered why Nick, her old classmate, had taken a liking to her back in year nine. She was neither the prettiest nor the brightest, but Nick had seemed pleased enough to carry her bag and walk her home each day. Their friendship had grown into a relationship, and talk of a wedding had started. The parents grumbled and smiled, but agreed.
When Nicks back from the army, well sit down and talk it through, her father had said, making plans in advance.
Annas path crossed with Andrews quite by chance, as if out of a clear blue sky.
It was a sweltering day in May. Anna had just come back from the city, looking at colleges. Nick hadnt comehe was helping his dadand so he didnt meet her for the walk back. Just a couple of miles from the bus stop to the village.
Anna stepped off the bus and started along the lane. The bus had been stuffy and hot.
Behind her was a looming rain cloud, ahead, green fields.
There was a sudden crack of thunder so loud Anna ducked, covering her head with her arms.
The cloud hurried up behind her, marking out the field with a cold shadow, the rains wall advancing alarmingly. There was no shelter. Anna looked around, panicked, nothing but fields. The rain began to pelt the road behind her. She shoved her sandals in a bag and held it over her head, walking faster, then running. The wall of rain caught her, and, at the same moment, someone grabbed her arm.
She spun. There was a car on the lane, and a young man pulling her towards the open door.
Ive been honking and honking, but you wouldnt turn round, he shouted over the pouring rain. Come on, jump in, theres no need to get soaked.
Anna sagged with relief.
The young man peeled off his T-shirt, threw it over the seat, and grabbed a dry jumper from his bag in the back.
Here, take thisdont worry. Im from Little Ashby too, you dont remember me? The blacksmiths boy. Im Andrew, he said, wrapping her in his jumper and squeezing in beside her so closely Anna felt herself blush.
Youll warm up soon. Theres a jacket somewhere, but its filthy Did you just get off the bus?
Yeah, just.
I was in town as wellfetching parts. Dont shiver, its all right, he said, softer this time.
Whats your name? he asked.
Anna.
So, Anna it is
Why arent we moving?
That clouds heading back to the village. Well be in rain the whole way if we drive now. Itll pass soon.
Anna nodded. He was right, after all. She felt embarrassed.
They chatted. Andrew told her he worked on the farm with his father, his mother had died when he was thirteen. Hed meant to go to college, but it hadnt happened, and now, well, he managed all right.
He stopped the car by her house and smiled as he said goodbye.
Anna smiled back, feeling as though theyd known each other forever.
With Nick, there wasnt the same spark. No warmth, no magic in his touch.
That evening, Anna was lost in thought, smiling to herself. Her mother noticed, but she couldnt guess why. Anna started to spot every car passing the cottage, wondering if it was Andrew. She wanted to see him againto feel that alive.
Nick came in the evening, but Anna couldnt even meet his eye. She gathered her courage.
I think we should break up she told him.
Why?! Nick didnt understand at first.
Youre off to the army. Ill be away at college. Lets part as friends, and if fate brings us back together, wellmaybe then.
No. I dont want that. Who will wait for me then?
Well, why should someone have to?
Ive been with you since year nine After everything, you!
Anna didnt argue any more; she just went indoors. For the first time, she saw a dangerous anger in Nick, something that frightened her.
The next day, Nicks parents arrived shouting at Annas house. There was an awful rowhis mother furious, blaming everyone. Anna slipped out into the garden and then all the way to the woods.
She wandered for a long time, ending up by the lane leading into the village.
Anna! Anna! she heard a familiar voice.
Andrew was waving from his car.
She froze for a second. Then something inside broke. She hurried towards him, then ran. They stood quietly side by side.
I thought it was you walking. Need a lift?
NoIve left home after a row.
Because of Nick?
I broke up with him Andrew, Ive been thinking about you all the time, do you understand?
I do. Ever since that day, Ive not stopped. I heard you were meant to be marrying Nick.
Well, Im not.
Andrew bent towards her, kissing her gently, wrapping his arms round her.
They stood for a long time like that, certain it would all be all right. Anna didnt go home until the kitchen light switched off late that night.
What have you done? After three years, you throw a good lad aside. Is that the way decent girls behave? her mother scolded.
Im in love with someone else. Real love, Anna said, clear and strong.
Her father came through. Ill put a stop to this love. Youre not leaving the house until after your exams.
But Annas parents couldnt keep her in. She met Andrew in secret, each moment they could.
They had a favourite place, hidden from the village.
One day, though, everything fell apart. Someone saw them together and told Nick.
Nick and Andrew fought by the river, right in view of everyone. Two old ladies gasped, and the rest just watched the scuffle unfold on the hill.
Andrew walked away aloneeveryone saw. Nick pushed, Andrew lost his balance, and there was nothing but air behind him.
Andrews father, who came running, just managed to gasp before pulling off his boots and jumping into the river.
Anna! Come quick, Nick and Andrew were fighting by the riverAndrews in the water. It looks bad! Annas old friend, Olivia, hurried up breathless.
Anna threw down her watering can and ran. There were crowds on the riverbank.
Ambulance has been called already, someone called.
Nothing you can do nowpolice will have to be involved. Nick will be in trouble
Anna arrived just as they drove off for the hospital.
She went numb, her legs leaden. She sat in the grass, unable to move.
Well, well, your little games over! Ones gone and the othermy sonwill be ruined! Nicks mother towered over Anna, wiping at her tears.
No, no, was all Anna could say.
Anna went home, collapsed onto her bed.
What have you done? How could you, how could you? What will we do now? her mother shrieked, then stormed out.
Anna didnt hesitate. She packed up her few things, grabbed her papers and what little money she had, and left. An hour later, she was on the bus to the city.
It was nearly dark by the time Anna and Mrs Cartwright got back to the little house on the edge of the village. The snow was falling thickly now.
My joints always ache before the weather turns, the older woman grumbled as she sat on the bench to take her boots off.
Let me help, Anna offered, awkward with her bump.
No, you leave me be. If I give in a bit Ill grow lazy, and I need the exercise. How far along are you?
Due in February, Anna replied.
Not long then. Is it Andrews?
Anna held her gaze. Yes. I have no doubt.
All right, then. Ill make up your bed. Well see what can be done in the morning.
The cottage was small, just two rooms, filled with a scent Anna rememberedonce, Andrew had brought her some pastries his gran had baked.
Anna struggled to sleep, shifting this way and that, until the old family cat leapt onto her bed, settling in protectively by her bump. She tried to move him, but he wouldnt budge, so she sighed and closed her eyes.
Anna woke to the warm, yeasty smell of dough.
Would you rather jam or cabbage in your pastie? Mrs Cartwright called.
Jam, please, Anna replied sleepily, hand on her belly, as she made her way into the kitchen.
Andrew never told me your namejust always gran.
Im Mary, Anna. Granny Mary, she laughed, peeking out.
Oh, looks like not long left now, from the looks of you.
Why? Ive four more weeks, Anna protested.
No, shell want to come early, busybody she is.
She?
My heart tells me
Just as Granny Mary predicted, Anna went into labour a week later. By midday, she was holding her new baby daughter.
Thank you, Anna. Granny Mary smiled, holding the newborn.
For what? Anna asked.
For the truth. Thats definitely Andrews girlhe had the same funny toe. Ill tell him, hell be so pleased.
Who? said Anna, sitting up sharply.
Who elseAndrew.
What do you mean? Annas eyes widened, tears already springing.
Hes alive, love. Weak, but alive, Granny Mary soothed, hugging her tight.
Anna couldnt stop the tears.
I have to see him, Granny Mary. I cant stay here knowing hes so close. Is he in the village?
Course he isresting at home. You be gentle with yourself and your little one. Youll need your strength. Hes not going anywhere now.
Anna couldnt stem her tears.
A few days later, Anna and her daughter arrived at the village. Granny Mary went off and soon returned with Andrews father.
There now. Look. Catherine Andrewhows that for a name? Andrews father smiled, softening when he saw the babyhis first grandchild.
Did you name her after Andrew? he asked.
Of course. Look at her little toejust like his, Granny Mary insisted, beaming as she unwrapped the babys foot.
Thank you, Anna. Thank you for my granddaughter. I havent told Andrew yet. Ready to go?
Yes. Im ready.
Anna, your parents know youre here, and that you have the baby. Theyve been asking when they can come see you, Granny Mary said gently.
Not now. Im not ready, Anna replied.
Outside the house, Anna paused several times as her nerves fluttered.
Andrews father stepped into the house first, taking baby Catherine in his arms, and nodded towards the bedroom.
Anna stepped in slowly, legs shaking. There he lay by the window, phone forgotten, pale and thin, but alive.
Andrew she whispered his name, reaching for him.
He looked up. He hadnt been expecting her but his face broke into a slow, warm smile. Anna wrapped her arms around him and wept.
Well, Dad, here you area daughter.
What?! A daughter?
Yours, son. Catherine Andrew. What do you think?
Granny Mary and Andrews father took the baby out into the kitchen, leaving Anna and Andrew alone together.
I didnt know you were alive, Andrew, no one told me. But now youre here, Im never leaving again.
Dont. Im the luckiest man alive My love and my daughter, both here with me.
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