You can live with us, theres no need to bother with a mortgage! Youll have our house one day! said my mother-in-law.
Shes always trying to persuade us not to get a mortgage. Instead, she insists we should move in with them since, as my wife is their only child, the house will eventually pass to her anyway. The trouble is, my wifes mum is just forty-five, and her dad is forty-seven.
Im twenty-five, same as my wife. We both work, earning enough to rent our own flat. I really dont want to spoil relations with my wifes family over the everyday hassles that can crop up living together.
Her parents keep insisting. My own parents have a three-bedroom house with plenty of space, but I dont want to invade their territory and feel like a guest. Likewise, I know Id be uncomfortable living in my wifes parents house.
When lockdown began, the landlady of the flat we were renting asked us to leaveshe wanted to make room for her niece and her family. Left with little choice, and unable to find anything suitable in time, we moved in with my wifes parents. To be fair, my mother-in-law and father-in-law made us feel very welcome. My own mum never tried to control me, though shed always have something to criticise. My wifes mum was different.
Wed already discussed getting a mortgage, but the circumstances made it clear that now was the time. We decided to save every penny while we could. Of course, I wanted to move out as soon as possible, but if we started renting again, it would take ages to save up.
Even though my in-laws arent overbearing, they have their own routines and customs, which are quite different from ours. My wife and I find ourselves constantly adjusting, as its their house, after all. On the surface, its nothing major, but I cant shake the uncomfortable feeling.
From the very beginning, my mother-in-law took over the kitchen, kindly but firmly explaining that it’s her domain. As someone who prefers milder food and cant stand too much onion, I struggle with her cooking, as she loves heavy flavours.
It may sound petty to some, but for me, its actually a big deal. When I decided to prepare my own meals, she took offence, believing I thought her a bad hostess.
Every Friday, she does a deep clean of the whole house. My wife and I return from work exhausted, wanting only to collapse in bed, but my mother-in-law feels put upon doing it all herself. I asked her once why not clean on Saturday or Sunday, and she told me weekends are for rest.
There are countless little things like this. I took comfort in the fact that my mother-in-law wasnt mocking meits just her way. And besides, this was all only temporary.
My wife and I agreed not to let anyone know we were saving for our own home. We paid half the utility bills, chipped in for groceries, and put the rest of our earnings into savings. One day, chat turned to my wifes cousins new car. My father-in-law suggested we ought to think about buying a car ourselves, but I said buying our own house mattered more.
How many years will you have to save? he asked. I explained we werent saving to buy outright, just to gather a deposit for a mortgage.
Why not live with us, forget the mortgage? Youll inherit the house! my mother-in-law interjected.
We tried to explain that we want our own place. But my in-laws dismissed it as pointlessthey argued that by living with them, we keep more in our pockets instead of the banks. When my mother-in-law realised we wouldnt be swayed, she started telling us we should focus on children, not mortgages.
Every day, we had to listen to her arguments for living together. Her words didnt sway me, but they slowly got through to my wife, who started agreeing and soon told me, Mums right, we dont need a mortgage. Life is peaceful here, no rows. The house will be ours someday.
In fifty years, maybe, I replied with frustration.
After that, my wife began saying more and more that her parents are already getting on, and one day might need care; plus, a mortgage is a burden, and itll be harder to pay once we have a baby.
But I want to be master of my own home nownot waiting around for my mother-in-law to pass away.
