Why Bring Your Own Food? For Five Years, My Husband’s Sister and Brother and Their Families Celebrated Every Christmas With Us—While I Did All the Cooking, Hosting, and Cleanup. Last Year, I Reached My Limit and Asked Everyone to Share the Responsibilities. Now My Mother-in-Law Wants Another Get-Together at Our Place, But No One Else Wants to Help Bring Food or Pitch In, and They’d Rather Celebrate at Home Than Share the Load. Should I Host Christmas Alone Again—Or How Do I Tell My Mother-in-Law the Truth?

Author Mitsuko NagasakiReading 2 minViews 3

Why Bring Your Own Food?

My husbands sister and brother, along with their families, have celebrated every Christmas with us for the past five years. Ive always been the one to prepare everythingcooking all the food, laying the table, hosting, and cleaning up after everyone. They simply came to enjoy themselves. But last year, I hit my limit. The whole affair had become exhaustingphysically, mentally, and even financially.

So, this year, I tried to share the workload amongst everyone.

Recently, though, my mother-in-law approached me, saying theyre getting older, that the years are catching up with them, and she would dearly love another celebration at ours.

I rang my husbands brother and sister and told them that Mum really wanted us all to be together. At first, they seemed genuinely pleased and said, of course, we should listen to Mum, and agreed to join in.

Then I explained that this time, wed all pitch in: everyone would take on specific dishes, and each of us would be in charge of a part of the meal.

I offered to provide the main dishestwo warm courses and a cake.

They would only need to prepare a couple of salads, some fish, a bit of meat, cheese, fruit, and bring along something to drinkwine, squash, whatever they liked.

The moment I started listing everything out, the cheerful tone in their voices faded away. Suddenly, they were complaining about having no time to cook because they were working, that theyd have to do the shopping first and then cook. They also couldnt see the point of bringing food at all. Now they want to celebrate Christmas at their own homes instead.

So, I asked, But what about Mum? And guess what? They said, Well just ring and wish her well, thatll have to do.

So theyre clearly not interested in sharing either the work or the expense. I havent had the heart to tell my mother-in-law yet. I really dont know how to break it to her. I know shell be so disappointed.

What should I do now? Maybe I should just host Christmas on my own again, as usual? Im really torn.

Living in Someone Else’s Flat? Then Pay the Rent! “I don’t even know if my daughter’s wedding will happen. Everyone’s fallen out, and the future son-in-law has gone off the rails. There are only two weeks to go and he’s acting up. I feel so sorry for my daughter,” complains Alina. “Why is everyone arguing?” “You won’t believe it, but it’s over a flat. We wanted to make the young couple happy, so we used all our savings and bought them a flat as a wedding gift. We had to sell our little cottage by the lake and the garage just to afford it. The property is in my daughter’s name. But they’re getting married anyway—so what difference does it make whose name it’s in?” “Exactly…” “That’s what my husband and I think too. Now, the flat’s totally bare. It needs renovating and furnishing, but we’ve got no savings left. My husband suggested to our son-in-law-to-be that we all pitch in to get the place ready so they can move in quickly. But he refuses to help with the renovation!” “Why not?” “Because it’s not his flat! He won’t invest in property he doesn’t own. He said we should do the renovation ourselves. Maybe he’ll buy a few bits and bobs, but he won’t spend any real money.” “So why don’t they just move in as it is?” “They can’t. It’s completely empty and needs new plumbing and electrics, the floors and walls need evening out, the old windows are about to fall out—they need to be replaced. At the very least, it needs basic finishing,” says Alina. “I think it’s impossible to live in such a state, even though I’m not hard to please. How can young people live in a dump like that? It’s embarrassing! My future son-in-law works for a big company and makes good money, but he doesn’t want to spend it. He wants to save up for his own place so he’s not left without a roof over his head. “So it seems he wants to live at our expense. He’s demanding we pay for the renovation. So I told him, if he thinks it’s someone else’s flat, then he should pay rent! He just smiled and agreed,” Alina sighs. “What does your daughter say?” “She’s very upset and cries all the time. She loves him very much, but we can’t add him to the flat’s deeds. Now she says she doesn’t want the flat or the renovation at all. But I dislike that he’s unwilling to invest in their family. What’s going to happen next? They’re not even married and already thinking about divorce and splitting the assets,” says Alina. Do you think my future son-in-law should invest in this flat? He plans to live there, start a family, settle in. Does it really matter whose name is on the deeds? Or is his position logical? What would you do in his shoes?

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My Husband’s Parents Refuse to Accept His Divorce – They Keep Trying to Reunite Him With His Ex-Wife. “Don’t You Understand, They Have a Son Together!” My Mother-in-Law Complains I am married to a man whose parents have stubbornly refused to accept the fact that their son is divorced—even though it’s been over four years since it happened. They’re constantly trying to reconcile him with his ex-wife. He and I married three years ago and we have a happy life together. My mother-in-law thinks her son acted recklessly and foolishly. She believes he must do everything possible to rebuild his relationship with his ex-wife’s family. After all, his son is still there. When I met Adam, he was already divorced. Supposedly, it was a mutual decision, and his ex-wife happily remarried. Apparently, her affair was the reason for their split. Maybe we made a mistake by getting married. My own mum insisted we wed because she got pregnant, and I wasn’t really in love—I was just dating her. “If she hadn’t been pregnant, I wouldn’t have married her,” my husband explained. I wasn’t intimidated by his ex. At first, I decided to watch him closely. I realised he really wasn’t longing for his old family; he was indifferent to his ex-wife. She wasn’t interested in him either. She remarried, and they only communicate about their son. Only my mother-in-law couldn’t stand things as they were. His father as well. They kept trying to reunite the family, and took our relationship very negatively. “You’re still young, your life is ahead of you. Why would you get involved in someone else’s family?” she asked me when we were alone. I replied that if Adam were married, I wouldn’t interfere. But right now, he’s single. My mother-in-law tried to say more but fell silent when Adam came in. At that moment I knew I’d never have a good relationship with her—but I wasn’t particularly upset. We got married and moved in together. I’ve hardly had any contact with my mother-in-law except for occasional family holidays. That’s when I have to listen to her sigh about my husband’s former family. Adam tries to hush his mum, as he isn’t happy about it either—but then it all just repeats. We’re not rushing to have children. I don’t feel ready to be a mum and my husband already has a son, which my mother-in-law is very pleased about. After the divorce, my mother-in-law stepped in—she kept inviting my husband’s ex-wife for Christmas and praised her for everything. “They made such a lovely couple…” she’d sigh. His ex-wife had nothing to do with it—she was completely indifferent, just showed up and that was that. You could feel the lack of enthusiasm. My mother-in-law even tried to make Adam jealous of his ex-wife and me jealous of him. She’d ring me asking if I knew where my husband was. If I didn’t, she assumed he was with his ex. Or she’d send him on errands to his ex. All sorts of little things. I’m not jealous, but it all gets on my nerves. If you look at Adam and his ex, it’s obvious there’s nothing between them and there never will be. But having a child together doesn’t help. My husband regularly gives his ex money, sometimes talks to his son, and brings him round for visits. His ex isn’t manipulative or greedy, and doesn’t restrict visits. She seems perfectly normal. They behave like civilised adults. It just didn’t work out, and now each has their own life and they respect each other. But my mother-in-law can’t accept that, constantly stirring up drama. When will she stop? When will she wise up? My husband hopes she’ll quiet down once I give her a grandchild, but I don’t believe it.

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📌 Useful Social Services & Contacts in the U.S.

Stay informed and get help when you need it. Below are key national services with direct contacts that may support you or your loved ones:
🏥 Health & Mental Support

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

What they do: Free and confidential help with substance use and mental health disorders.

Hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – 24/7, anonymous support

Website: samhsa.gov

🧒 Support for Children & Families

WIC – Women, Infants, and Children Program

What they do: Nutritional and healthcare support for pregnant women, new mothers, and young children.

Federal Info Line: 1-800-522-5006

Find local WIC office: fns.usda.gov/wic

Why Bring Your Own Food? For Five Years, My Husband’s Sister and Brother and Their Families Celebrated Every Christmas With Us—While I Did All the Cooking, Hosting, and Cleanup. Last Year, I Reached My Limit and Asked Everyone to Share the Responsibilities. Now My Mother-in-Law Wants Another Get-Together at Our Place, But No One Else Wants to Help Bring Food or Pitch In, and They’d Rather Celebrate at Home Than Share the Load. Should I Host Christmas Alone Again—Or How Do I Tell My Mother-in-Law the Truth?