Who knows where the river of fate may turn
For the past month, Edward had been distant, quiet and often lost in thought around his wife, Emily. She watched him anxiously.
Hes not well, thats certain. Hes nearly forty-five now and weve been planning to celebrate the milestone at a restaurant. I really ought to drag him to the doctorIve a friend at the hospital. He should have a check-up, get his blood tests and all
Emily confided in her oldest friend, Susan, sharing her worries and musings. Susan, never one for tact, suddenly blurted out:
My Harry was just like that when he started seeing another woman. All morose and brooding.
Oh, dont be absurd, Susan! You cant compare your Harry to my Edward, Emily replied, waving her hand dismissively.
And why not, pray tell? What makes Edward any better than Harry?
Quite the opposite! Harrys a charmer, always the centre of attentionarent I right? While my Edward barely says two words. I had to propose to him myself, back when we were young. If I hadnt taken matters into my own hands and moved in with him, hed probably still be single.
Last year, Susan had caught her Harry with another woman, and Emily tried to console her.
Well, throw him out! Do something for yourself for once, stop crying and kick out the traitor.
But Susan went wildthrew Harry out and began frequenting pubs and cafés, flirting shamelessly with other men, cut her hair short and explained it away as changing my style. Emily watched, horrified. That wasnt at all what shed meant by doing something for yourself. She had imagined Susan taking up a course, learning to dance, picking up a new hobby or getting into sports.
Eventually, Susan forgave Harry and took him back. Emily could never quite comprehend it.
Id never forgive Edward for that, she thought.
She and Edward had been married for nearly twenty-six years. They knew each other inside out, had weathered countless ups and downs, raised two sons. Soon, it would be time to ease into a peaceful old age togetherthough they werent elderly yet. She had already chatted with family about her husbands upcoming birthday do, and would tell him soon.
Theyd married just before finishing university. Theyd met on a hiking trip. They were on different courses but, as it happened, lived in the same cityManchester. In their fourth year, both departments went on an expedition, though not all the students attended. They sat around the campfire, and it was Emily who first noticed Edwards quiet charm. She was a bit shy at first, but they struck up an easy friendship, with her even mending his shirt when he ripped it on a branch.
Edward would carry her heavy rucksack, and bit by bit, they grew close. Their friendship quietly blossomed into love, though it was Emily who took the reins. She was the first to confess her feelings. He quietly confessed, too.
I think I love you, Emily.
Well, then, we ought to live together. Ill bring my things round and well put in notice at the town hall. He didnt object.
After that, she moved in with him and his elderly grandmother, Edith. Nobody was happier about this than Edwards father, because Edith was his mother. Edwards mum had never got on with her mother-in-law. Shed refused to care for her, and the soft-hearted Edward had moved in with Granny Edith, as she was unwell. After Emily moved in, she took over caring for the old lady.
Eddie, Granny used to say, I do like your Emily. Capable and hardworking, she keeps everything ticking overjust the sort of wife you need. Once youre properly married, Ill leave you the flat. You look after Emily.
They tied the knot not long after. Granny Edith died soon after the wedding. Their sons came along in quick successionthe elder now twenty-three, the younger twenty-one. Their life together had been comfortable and steady, holidays now and then, always as a family.
Yet lately, Edward had been different. And then he came out with it:
You know, love, sometimes I feel like weve seen nothing truly good in this life, he said one evening.
What are you talking about, Edward? Weve never stayed home for a single holiday! Weve been to the Lake District, the seaside, hiking in the Cotswoldswe even went to Spain twice! The boys are grown, grandchildren wont be much longer.
He waved off her protest.
Thats not what I meant, he muttered, and fell silent, shooting her a strange look. She thought little of it.
She had her own plans.
Edward, do you think we ought to invite Max and Betty? Theyre your mates, after all, even if they do live in London.
For what?
For your birthday, silly, your forty-fifth! Well have a meal out.
Oh? I didnt realise youd made such plans, he said, giving her another odd glance.
Now Emily sat alone on the sofa late into the evening, staring at the floor, tears nowhere to be found.
Never thought something like this would befall me, she agonised.
Edward had come home from work early, something hed rarely done in the last year and a half. She greeted him as usual.
Hello there! Come on, jacket off, wash your handsdinners ready.
Edward just sat in the kitchen in silence.
Emily, Im leaving you, he finally said, quietly.
What do you mean, leaving? Honestly, Edward, take your coat off, youre being ridiculous. Are you feeling alright? Ive been worriedlets pop to the doctor soon
He looked up and met her eyes.
Im perfectly fine. This isnt about a doctor. The truth is, Ive fallen in lovewith a colleague from work. Weve been seeing each other for two years.
Found yourself a young thing, have you? Emily spat out.
No, shes not young, he replied, softly. Shes no beauty, shes just a real woman.
And what am I, Edward? she said incredulously.
You? He shook his head. Youre my keeper. Im like your dog on a lead. I cant take a single step without your say-so. Everythingwhat to wear, where to holiday, when to celebrateI have no say in any of it. You wont even let me go to the football, because you think its a waste of time, when I love it.
But Im doing it for you she started, but he cut her off.
All my wages go to you. You decide everything. You give me some cash for cigarettes and coffee, and thats it. You never thought about how humiliating that is for a man? I cant even grab a pint or join my colleagues at the pub because Ive nothing in my wallet. He spoke gently, as if reciting a plain fact.
Emily crouched down to look him in the eye.
But its always been like this If you want, Ill give you money for a pint with the lads, well go to the football, you can pick your own clothes. Well go shopping together
Again, Edward fixed her with that unreadable look.
You havent understood a thing, his voice suddenly sharp. I want to live and breathe and make my own decisionseat what I like, go where I please, have time to myself, not be watched every second. I want my own space, a place to think. You make all the decisions; I cant argue. But everyone has their limit. I feel like a dependent, with you my guardian.
She asked, barely above a whisper, And shes not like that?
He shook his head. No. She lets me be a man, take care of her, she lets me be myself. There was a light in his eyes Emily had never seen before, perhaps not since he was a young man.
But its all wrong, she thought desperately. At our age, this is shamefulwhats he thinking? But aloud, Edward, youd throw your family away for a passing fancy? What will people think? Come to your senses, Edward. Everyone says were the perfect couple.
Who cares, Emily? Perfect by whose standards?
Suddenly, Emily realised hed led a revolt; she could do nothing to stop it. For the first time in years, she criedin front of someone else.
Youre crying? he murmured, taken aback.
She hugged him tightly, but he gently removed her arms, packed a few things and, with a suitcase, walked out of the flat. Emily was left alone in the hush of the evening.
Never did I imagine fate would twist like this, that from a secure, married woman Id so suddenly become alone, looking toward old age.
She rang Susan, who dashed over to console her.
Em, youre not too old! Shake yourself! You always told me about evening classes and all that. Remember? I never did need those classes. Harrys fling was just thathe begged forgiveness, still loves me, and knows he wont do better. Edward might well come back.
But deep down, Susan doubted it. Edward wasnt like Harryhe was serious, determined.
No, Susan, hes not coming back. Not after what he said tonight. You dont know him like I do.
When Susan left, Emily sat for ages, staring at the rug, not knowing what to do. No one left to look after, no one to boss abouther instructions would fall on empty walls. Shed have to get used to solitude. But perhaps something would change yet. After all, who knows where the winding river of fate may carry you. Perhaps, one day, itll bring you to another shore.
Today, as I write this, I find myself humbled by the way life can shift beneath our feet, and I remind myself: sometimes, the only thing we can do is let the current carry us forward and trust, however hard, that the river might lead to somewhere new.
