5 years on, everything came full circle.
When I was eighteen, I fell pregnant. My parents didnt support me they thought it was far too soon to have a baby. My husband had just been called up for military service. Both grandmothers spoke with one voice:
This baby is your responsibility. I dont want to look after your child at my age, Mum told me.
And my mother-in-law refused even to speak to me. I ended up living with my dads sister, Aunt Margaret.
Margaret was thirty-eight back then, had no children of her own, and devoted herself fully to her work. She didnt judge my parents:
I understand them things were tough when you were born. They put in a lot of hard graft for you. Some days you barely had enough to eat. Your dad used to unload lorries at night just to earn some extra cash.
But now, theyre comfortable. Dads got a good salary, theyve a cosy two-bedroom flat. Mum works. And here I am, about to have a child.
Wont they change their minds? I asked her.
They just want to live for themselves a bit, love. Dont judge them. Im sure, with time, theyll come round.
They didnt offer any real support. I packed my belongings and moved in with Margaret.
When my husband came back from the army, our son was nearly two. During his absence, my mother-in-law never once visited to see her grandson. My parents dropped by only twice.
My husband worked as a car mechanic, trying to finish his studies alongside, but it just didnt work out. We stayed at Margarets. When our boy started nursery and I got a job, Margaret had to move across London for work. So we shifted into a rented flat.
A little while later, my husbands grandmother passed away.
My mother-in-law sold her mothers flat, splashed out on redecorating her own place, and bought everything she fancied. My husband begged her not to sell, offered to pay her a monthly sum and buy the flat back eventually, but got nowhere.
Why should I put your interests ahead of mine? Ive wanted to renovate for ages. Are you going to do it for me? she replied to her sons plea.
Five years later, our daughter was born. We knew we needed our own home. My husband started working abroad, but saving for a home proved harder than we thought. I stayed with the kids in our rented flat.
Meanwhile, Mum was alone in her three-bedroom flat Dad had divorced her two years back but she couldnt find room for her own daughter and grandchildren. I couldnt go to my mother-in-laws either; she was always redecorating and never in a hurry to lend a hand.
My husband worked overseas. After a few years, we managed to scrape together enough to buy our own flat. No help from anyone.
Now, our eldest is finishing Year 8 and our daughter is in Year 2. We know the real value of money. Every pound scrimped and saved. Those old problems are behind us. We each have our own car, and take a holiday by the seaside every year.
The only person were truly grateful to is Aunt Margaret. She can ring up for anything well always come running.
Our parents, meanwhile, have fallen on hard times. Mum was made redundant, recently called to ask for help, but I refused.
My mother-in-laws story is much the same. Shes retired, but refuses to live modestly. She spent all the cash she got years ago selling her flat, and my husband wont help her either. He advised her to sell her big, renovated flat and move into a smaller place.
We owe nothing to anyone, except each other. We treat our children far differently than our parents treated us well always support them however we can. I believe, when were old, well be able to count on them too.
