Whenever Peter called round to see Jane, she seemed to become more flustered and scatterbrained before his very eyes. It was the sort of daftness that comes from pure happiness. She would rush about, trying to tidy up in a hurry, stuffing clothes and trinkets shed been trying on into cushions and quickly unwinding her curlers. Shed dart off to the bathroom, brush her hair, reapply her lipstick, and only then emerge, radiant and perfectly put together, to greet him.
But how could she not be happy? Just look at her life.
Jane was a single mother, never really married in any proper sense. Shed only had a brief engagement, so to speak, with her Roba month or two, no more. Then hed left their town for what he called his family roots, although Jane never quite worked out where that was. Somewhere up north, perhapsshe was never sure. Around here, hed made do with odd jobs at the local market. What he did, precisely, Jane never knew.
So, yes, hed disappeared from her life, leaving Jane ever-so-slightly pregnantbarely a fortnight along so she didnt even realise for a while. When Rob didnt come round for the night, and then not for weeks on end, Jane finally had to admit to herself that well, she was on her own.
In good time, she gave birth to a boya truly lovely child! Takes after his parents, she thought. Jane herself was striking, and Rob, well, hed looked every bit the dashing prince.
Thankfully, her baby, Charlie, was an easy one. Settled as a lamb: hed sleep for hours, and, on waking, would feed calmly and determinedly. Thank God, Jane had milk enough for twoand could have fed another babe without trouble.
Charlie barely suffered those usual baby illnesses. Shed named him Charles, after the old actor Charles Laughton, simply because, when she was heavy with child, shed caught a classic film on the tellyMutiny on the Bountywhere Laughton was captain. There was just something of Rob about him. And, honestly, Jane had no other names in mind; so the register read: Charles Robert Bailey. Jane often whispered it to herself, enjoying the musical sound of itlike a lullaby.
Charlie was a sunny child. When Jane needed to cook or tidy up the flat, shed spread out a blanket on the floor, block it off with chairs, and pop Charlie in the middle of their makeshift playpen. Shed hand him an old handbag, some curlers, and a few cloths to play with, and off hed go, smiling contentedly, never fussy or whiny. Once, when she peeked in from the kitchen, she saw Charlie had got his head stuck between two chairs, probably trying to crawl out, but he simply grunted, silent, trying to pry them apart with his chubby hands.
As Charlie grew, raising him never got harder. Jane let him go out and play on the green, telling him to run back and shout up at their windowshe was on the ground floorevery ten minutes, just to let her know he was okay.
He never had a watch, so hed come running up every three minutes, bellowing, Mum! Im here! until Jane looked out and called back, Thats good, love! Often, hed still stay put, waiting. Shed ask, Whats up? Go on, off you play! but hed reply, You havent smiled yet And when she gave him a real smileone she truly meanthed dash off again to his friends.
Then came the day when, after his usual shout from outside, Jane leaned out the window and spotted him clutching a tiny kitten:
Mum, a lady gave him to me. Said his names Edgar. She said youd be chuffed, and that we ought to look after him.
Charlie was being so honest that Jane could only smile back. Then she said:
Well, Edgar must be hungry. You both come in, Ill pour him some milk.
And off Charlie ran inside with the kitten. Happy Charlie. Edgar didnt know it yet, but happiness would soon find him too.
So life went on, the three of them together, until Jane met Peter.
Peter was Janes age. Never married, but a steady sort of mansolid, not old, but mature. He worked at the furniture factory and brought home a good wage. He started staying with Jane on Saturday nightsnot much of a talker, decent appetite, didnt drink a lot. Jane always readied a bottle of gin, chilling it in the freezer, and would hand Peter a proper cut glass tumbler, which he especially liked.
That afternoon, everything went as usual. Peter arrived, shook Charlies hand in the hall, and settled on the sofa while Jane finished her rituals. Then the four of themEdgar perched on Charlies kneewatched telly together before dinner.
After the meal, as was tradition, all of them took a nap, planning a stroll in the park later.
When Jane carefully shut Charlies door for his afternoon sleep and crept back to Peter, laying her head on his arm, he, for the first time, brought up marriage:
I reckon we should live at your place for now, Jane. Later, well look for somewhere bigger. Or maybe let my flat out, earn a bit extra Only, you know, Jane, theres one thing he hesitated, I dont care for cats much. Well have to give your Edgar away.
Edgar, she corrected, tense, ears pricked for what came next.
Yes, Edgar, he nodded, serious, as if the matter were settled. Then, quietly and with an odd certainty, he added, And Charliehed be better off with my mum in the countryside. All that fresh air. Theres a good school too. Were both young, Janewell have a brood of our own, youll see.
Janes head, still resting on his shoulder, turned to stone. She dared not move. Like that, in silence, they lay for a few minutes.
Then Jane sat up, shy now, as if Peter had never seen her undressed before. She pulled her dressing gown tightly about her, walked over to his things draped on the armchair, picked up his trousers, handed them to him, and said:
Right then. Here are your unwashed trousers. On you getoff you go.
Go where? he asked.
To your mums, in the countryside. Enjoy the fresh air. The three of us get all we need from our own park.Peter stared at her, baffled, both shoes in his hands. For a second Jane thought he might argue, but he just blinked slowly, the realisation settling across his face. He stood, careful and a little embarrassed, pulling on his trousers one leg at a time while Jane watched from her place by the window.
Right, he said, clearing his throat as he gathered his jumper and keys. Well good afternoon, then, Jane.
She simply nodded, with a half-smile, the kind that didnt quite reach her eyes. Peter retreated toward the door, looking over his shoulder as if expecting somethingmaybe a last-minute plea or an apology. But there was nothing except the small, resolute woman in her blue dressing gown, standing firm.
When the door finally closed behind him, Jane let out a long breath she hadnt known shed been holding. The flat felt suddenly brighter, lighterlike a window had been thrown open.
Moments later, Charlie padded out of his room, hair ruffled from sleep, Edgar trailing behind with a soft mew. He rubbed his eyes and blinked up at her.
Wheres Peter? he asked.
Jane bent down and wrapped him in a hug, holding on just long enough.
Hes gone, love, she said softly. Its just us againfor now.
Charlie glanced at Edgar, then at Jane. Will he come back?
Jane shook her head, and then she smiledreally smiled, the kind that made Charlies face light up.
Only if he learns to like kittens, she teased, tapping his nose.
Charlie giggled, scooping up Edgar, and together they crowded at the window. Outside, the park was starting to gleam gold in the late afternoon sun, and you could hear childrens laughter drifting through the glass.
Do you want to go out, Mum? he asked.
Jane considered ither boy, the kitten, and that stretch of green outside calling them. She nodded.
Let me find my shoes. Then well all go. And this time, Charlie, you can show me the way.
With Edgar bundled in a scarf and Charlie skipping ahead, Jane followed, feeling something spark inside hera kind of happiness she could truly claim as her own, right there in the sunlight, right where she belonged.
