When my husband and I were barely scraping by, my mother-in-law bought herself a fur coat, a new television, and lived like a queen.
But years later, the tables turned!
I found out I was pregnant when I was only 18. My parents were not supportive; they insisted I was far too young to be having a child. At the time, my husband had just enlisted in the army. Both my grandmothers, from my side and his, said the same thing:
The baby is your responsibility.
I dont want to look after your child right now, my mother told me plainly.
My mother-in-law wouldnt even speak to me.
I had no choice but to move in with my Aunt Margaret, my dads younger sister.
Back then, she was 38, childless, and had devoted her life entirely to her career. She didnt judge my mother and father.
I understand, she told me kindly. It was tough when you were born. They worked so hard for you. There were times you hardly had anything to eat. Your father used to unload lorries at night just to make ends meet.
But theyre comfortable now. Your father has a good job, they own a two-bedroom flat, and your mother still works. And here I am, about to have a baby.
Do you really think they wont care? I asked my aunt sadly.
They want to live for themselves now. Dont hold it against them. Theyll likely come around in time.
There was no support from my parents after that. I packed up what little I had and moved into my aunts place.
When my husband returned from the army, our son was already a year and a half old. During his absence, my mother-in-law never once visited to see her grandson. My parents visited only twice.
My husband became a mechanic, hoping to finish his studies at the same time, but it just wasnt possible. We kept living with Aunt Margaret. When our son started primary school and I found a job, my aunt had to relocate for work, so we moved into a rented flat.
Some time after that, my husbands grandmother passed away.
My mother-in-law sold off her mothers flat, did up a place just for herself, and bought everything shed ever wanted. My husband tried to talk her out of selling the flat, even offering to pay her in instalments and buy it himself, but she wasnt having any of it.
Why should I sacrifice my own life and interests? Ive been longing to redecorate. If youre so keen, you can do it for me, she retorted dryly.
Five years on, our daughter was born. By then, we realised we desperately needed a proper home for ourselves. My husband took a job in Europe, but saving for a deposit was still a huge challenge. We carried on renting.
Meanwhile, my mother ended up rattling around alone in a three-bedroom flat. My father had divorced her two years before, but still, there was no room for me or my children. There was no option of staying with my mother-in-law either she was always in the midst of another fancy renovation, never in a rush to help us.
My husband continued to graft abroad. Years went by before we finally scraped together enough to buy our own flat every penny of it earned ourselves, no outside help.
Now, our eldest is finishing his GCSEs, and our daughter is in Year 3. We know the true value of money and have learned to budget every last pound. The struggles are behind us. We each have a car and take a seaside holiday every year.
The only person we truly owe gratitude to is Aunt Margaret. She can ring up for anything and well be there in a flash.
Our parents, on the other hand, have both fallen on hard times. My mother was made redundant recently; she called for help, but I refused.
My mother-in-laws story is just the same. Shes now retired, unwilling to live modestly, and long ago spent every shilling she had from her mothers flat. My husband has also refused to bail her out, advising her instead to sell her big, modernised flat and buy a smaller place.
My husband and I dont owe anyone anything. We treat our children very differently from the way our parents treated us always ready to support them in any way we can. I believe, when were old, well be able to count on them as well.
