When my husband and I were struggling financially, my mother-in-law bought herself a fancy fur coat, a brand-new television, and lived like royalty.
But years later, everything turned upside down.
I became pregnant at eighteen. My parents wouldnt support me; they thought I was far too young to have a baby. At the same time, my husband had just been called up for military service. Both our grandmothers were firm and unsympathetic:
The babys your responsibility.
Ive no interest in raising your child, not now, my mother bluntly told me.
And my mother-in-law wouldnt speak to me at all. I ended up moving in with my fathers sister, my Aunt Margaret.
She was thirty-eight at the time, had no children, and had devoted her whole life to her work. She refused to judge my parents:
I understand them, she told me. Life was terribly hard when you were little. They worked themselves ragged for you. I remember there were days when you didnt have enough to eat. Your father used to unload lorries at night just to bring in a bit of extra money.
But theyre both well set up now. Dad earns good money, and theyve got a two-bedroom flat. Mum still works. And Im expecting a baby.
Wont they care at all? I asked Aunt Margaret in despair.
They just want to live for themselves now. Dont judge them too harshly. People often come around, given time.
No support came from my parents. I packed up my few belongings and moved in with Aunt Margaret.
When my husband returned from his service, our son was almost two. During his absence, my mother-in-law never once visited her grandchild. My own parents only came to see me twice.
My husband took a job at a local garage. He wanted to finish his studies at the same time, but it was too much to juggle. We continued living at Aunt Margarets. When my son started school and I found work, Aunt Margaret had to move to another area, so we had no choice but to rent a small flat.
Not long after, my husbands grandmother passed away. My mother-in-law sold her mothers flat, renovated her own home from top to bottom, and bought whatever her heart desired. My husband tried to convince her not to sell the property. He even offered to pay her monthly instalments so that, in time, we could buy it back, but she wouldnt listen.
Why should I sacrifice my own interests and happiness? Ive been wanting to do renovations for years. Are you offering to do them for me? she shot back to my husband.
Five years later, our daughter was born. By then, we knew we needed a home of our own. My husband went to work abroad. Despite our best efforts, it wasnt easy saving enough for a flat. I stayed behind with the children, still renting.
Meanwhile, my own mother stayed alone in her three-bedroom flat after my father divorced her two years earlier. Yet somehow, there was never any space for her daughter and grandchildren. As for my mother-in-law, she was perpetually caught up in her home improvements and had little energy to help.
After years of hard work, my husband and I finally managed to buy our own place, without any financial help from our families.
Now, our eldest son is finishing Year 9 and our daughter is in Year 3. They both understand the value of money. Weve scrimped and saved for everything. Now, thankfully, things are easier. We each have our own car, we take the children to Cornwall every summer for a holiday by the seaside.
The only person to whom we are deeply grateful is Aunt Margaret. She knows she can always call us, and if she ever needs help, well be there.
Our parents, on the other hand, have fallen on tough times. My mother recently lost her job; she called asking for help, but I turned her down.
My mother-in-law is in a similar position. Shes retired and unwilling to cut back on her lifestyle. She burned through all the money from the sale of her old flat. My husband refused to help as well, advising her to sell her large, newly renovated flat and move into a single-bedroom place.
My husband and I dont owe anything to anyone. We treat our children much better than our parents did us. We will always support them in every way we can. I like to think that, when our time of need comes, well rely on their kindness too.
In the end, Ive learned this: kindness given is always returned. It is not the wealth of our parents or the ease with which they lived that has shaped us, but the generosity of Aunt Margaret and the loving bond we’ve built in our own home. The true measure of wealth is not what you possess, but what you give.
