19January
I cant shake the remark that Arthur tossed at the pub last night. Whats with you and that Sophie? Why would you even marry a woman like that? He laughed, slamming his pint down. Shes had a baby, got a little soft around the edges, now she waddles about like a blimp. Think shell slim down? Keep waiting itll only get worse!
Arthurs words still echo in my head. I tried to smile, to defend her, but the grin felt forced. He clapped me on the shoulder and warned, Dont get carried away, Fred. Youll turn up at the New Years office party with her and youll be too ashamed to meet the lads eyes. Youre a tall, broad, goodlooking bloke. A womans prime is short, but us men? Were forever eligible bachelors.
I shook my head, the thought lingering that maybe Id been too settled. Once I was a bit of a charmer, flitting from one fling to the next, until Sophie changed me. Shes calm, beautiful, kind, and she cooks so well you lose yourself at the table. Ive put on about ten pounds since we married, and weve just welcomed baby James.
Arthurs chuckle rose again. Youve got to swap a wife regularly, like old socks! I divorced mine and now Im seeing Laura young, sturdy. If anything goes wrong Ill just trade her in for someone else!
After that, his banter gnawed at me. I found myself echoing his jokes as if they were my own. Maybe I really had lingered too long in this marriage?
Sophie, youve uh, put on I started, but she was already holding our sleeping infant and her eyes widened.
And what of it? she snapped. Ive gained five pounds is that a tragedy? Im the one up at night with the baby, working from home, handling the bills, the utilities, the groceries, the cooking. And youre going to nag me about a few kilos?
Her voice cracked, and I felt a cold pipe burst inside her. She looked ready to burst into tears, hurt that I seemed to ignore everything she does. If she left, Id be alone with all those problems.
Why do you keep harping on the weight? she said, sniffling, strolling to the nursery with James cradled. I brought a whole human into this world, and youre fussing over pounds!
I sat in the armchair, watching her go, wondering if a different wife would have saved me from the shouting. Each day Arthurs suggestions seeped deeper. Hed point out the attractive new clerk by the water cooler Look at Lily, single, fit, a proper pictureperfect woman. You should be with her, not Sophie!
Lily did indeed linger by the cooler, glancing over now and then, but I never saw the fire in her eyes Arthur claimed. Still, his confidence made me think he knew something I didnt.
Youll come home and a woman like that will be waiting, he said, patting my shoulder. Imagine heels, lingerie, everything to make a man happy. And you? Probably in a robe stained with baby spitup. Youre getting older soon itll be harder to find a girl.
I felt a pang of envy. Arthur could talk to any woman, walk out with a number, brag about a night out. When I told Mother my doubts, she didnt back me this time.
You little wretch, Margaret said, shaking her head. Your wife gave you a child, works, runs the house, shes gorgeous and you turn up your nose? Men are all the same, Fred. You never appreciate what you have, always sniffing around like a wolf. End up old and alone, howling at the moon.
Her words flew past me. I kept stealing glances at Lily, convincing myself Arthur might be right. Time marched on; I knew Id never find someone as young again. One night I came home utterly wound up, unable to think of anything but the chatter from the pub.
Sophie was rocking James after another sleepless night, dark circles under her eyes, her onceathletic shape gone. I realized I loved her, but terror rose at the thought of missing out on all the male chances Arthur kept mentioning.
Sophie, I think we should split, I blurted, stumbling over my words, feeling like a fool. Youve changed since the baby. Maybe its time.
She stared at me, weary but not angry. She placed James in the bassinet, packed two suitcases, and walked toward the hallway. She said nothing more, but her silence spoke louder than any argument.
I wanted to shout, to fall to my knees and beg, but the image of embarrassing myself in front of Arthur stopped me.
You know what, Fred? Sophie said, pausing at the door. Maybe you should live on your own for a while without me, without James. When you were in the hospital, I nursed you for a year, worked, emptied your catlitter, arranged doctors, took out loans and paid them off. I never hinted at divorce, and you threw me out over five pounds.
She left, and the echo of her footsteps left me hollow. I spent the next day at work with no appetite for anything. Arthur bounced around, clapping me on the back, urging, Go on, chase Lily. Shes a stunner Ill steal her if you dont.
I finally turned to him, voice low. You were right to be a fool, Arthur. I had a wife any bloke would envy, a son, a good family. I dont need your youngsters.
He snapped back, You sound like a henpecked husband, not a man!
I fired back, And a man to you is someone who dumps his wife and child? Someone who cant keep his pants on and jumps from girl to girl? A dog that bolts at the sight of a swish?
The argument blew up, and I realized I could no longer call Arthur a friend. With a best friend like that, I didnt need enemies either.
That same afternoon I bought a massive bouquet of roses, knelt on Sophies kitchen floor, and begged forgiveness, owning my mistake and my gullibility. She cried, then smiled, and we decided to try again. We moved back into our flat, and for the first time in months I truly saw her as more than a package.
Now Sophie is my most beautiful thing, pounds or not. The babys giggles make the house feel alive again. Ive taken on more chores midnight feeds, laundry, cooking when I can. Shes even signed up for a gym, and Im proud of her resilience.
Little by little, were stitching the pieces back together. Ive learned the hard way to trust my own head, not the reckless chatter of a mate. This diary entry is my reminder: love isnt measured in kilograms, but in the daily effort of staying together.
