WHATS GONE CANT BE UNDONE
Whenever Alice showed her wedding photos to friends, she always laughed and said,
Oh, I suffered in that dress! It was beautiful, but far too heavy and clumsy. Next time I get married, Ill pick something light as a feather.
Everyone thought Alice was only joking, and laughed along with her. And she really was jokingher friends knew Alice had married Harry for love. It had all started out as a holiday romance. Alice was twenty-one and Harry twenty-eight.
It was August, the English seaside, sparkling wine, starry nightsromance swept them along as naturally as the tide, and soon they were standing at the registry office, signing the papers. To get there, Harry did have to divorce his second wife, and Alice had to move to his hometown.
Manchester to Brighton and back againthis would become a well-worn route for Alice over the next ten years.
But at first, the young couple rented a flat. Harry had given his old flat to his second wife, who threatened to take handfuls of pills, throw acid at his third wife, or even jump out a window if he dared not return to her!
Eventually, though, the second wife faded into the background. Perhaps Harry had promised hed be back in her arms someday? Harry tried not to think about Wife Number Onebetter left in the past. That first marriage lasted only a year and a half. They just didnt get on. Harry had even donated his ex-wife to one of his friends, making everyone happy, himself included.
Wife number two stuck around a bit longer. Three years was enough for Harry to see her true colours. She had no interest in human childrenthats what she called little ones!
But none of these everyday dramas bothered Alice. She was confident, ambitious, certain of her beauty and charm. Harry adored her, believed hed found his own little heaven. He bought her flowers by the armful; if he bought her a coat, it came in three colours; and as for shoes and boots, Alice couldve had a different pair every day. Harry whisked her away to London, to Paris, even to the Scottish Highlands. He wanted her to broaden her horizonsand to build strength for their first child.
Soon, their daughter Daisy was born. While Alice learned the rhythms of motherhood, Harry bought them a little house and furnished it lovingly. Everything he did was for his beloved girls!
The housewarming was joyful. Daisy began nursery. Alice, meanwhile, threw herself into self-improvementbut insisted on studying in her hometown, Manchester. There were old friends, her mum, and everyone there seemed so much warmer, more genuine. Life felt gentler under familiar old trees.
Alice would often leave Daisy with Harrys mother, who doted on her granddaughter. During term time, Alice would stay in Manchester. Harry would fret and make surprise trips up to see her, orchestrating accidental meetings even in another city! To be fair, Alice gave him little cause for concern. Or so it seemed
The truth was, she always longed to escape housework and parenting. She was happy to stay a student forever, just so she wouldnt have to wash dishes, mop floors, care for a husband, or bring up a child. Life, so short, felt like it was passing her by. Why should someone as clever and lovely as her waste herself on pointless drudgery?
In no time, Alice had three diplomas tucked in her handbagall with top marks. Her training was in psychology. She kept all her certificates on her, excited at the thought of finding work. Harry was not impressed.
Dont we have enough money? Ill go mad waiting for you to come home each night! Alice, lets have another babya son, a daughter, whatever you like. Just stay with me.
Alice didnt see herself having a second child. She believed her duty was doneshed given her husband a daughter and gifted Daisy her life. What more could she owe? Her mother-in-law, overhearing Alices fancy ideas, offered to raise Daisy untilwell, until Alice grew up a bit herself.
Shes got no time for children, the older woman declared. Shed rather spend her days with her head in the clouds, while a child needs real love.
Without hesitation, Alice agreed, and left right away for Manchester, not even bothering to warn Harry. Ill ring from Manchester, she thought.
But waiting in Manchester wasHarry. By now, he knew all his wifes tricks.
Alice, wheres Daisy? Why are you here and not at home? Have you got someone else? he demanded.
Dont fret, Harry! Theres no other man, not even a hint, Alice replied coolly. Im just bored with youI need my freedom, can you understand?
Freedom? From me and from your daughter? What happened to love? Has it all blown away? Is this a midlife crisis? Lets get through it togetherits nothing, really, Alice.
No, Harryits over. That was that.
Harry turned to Alices mum for help. She just shrugged.
Dont look at me! Its your problemand Alice wont budge, son. Shes stubborn as an ox.
Harry went back to Brighton on his own, completely at a loss. How could he win his wife back? How to put his family right? All my effort, all for nothing, he thought sadly.
Days slid into weeks. Alice didnt return. She answered his calls only briefly: Im fine.
Time moved on.
After much soul-searching, Harry decided to sell the house, collect Daisy, and move to Manchester. All to save his family.
Alice barely reacted, trying to talk Harry out of it. Why upset Daisy with a new city, new school, pulling her away from friends? And what would Daisys grandma say?
But those were just excuses. Alice was revelling in her freedom. Like a bird on the wing, that was Alices motto. She started a businessa seamstress shop. She rented her own flat. She had plenty of admirerswomen, mostly. Boredom was a thing of the past. And suddenly here was a husband and daughter, coming back? Why? Alice wanted the past erased. Everything that once was seemed to have happened to another woman.
But Harry pressed on and moved up with Daisy anyway. There was still hope, and the old, battered love for his wife was alive.
He started meeting Alice after work, walked their daughter homewho, incidentally, was the spitting image of her mother. It was useless, though. Alice was cold as marble. Nothing troubled her peace. Eventually, she drew the line.
Harry, leave me be. Lets just get a divorce. Daisy can always stay with me if she needs.
Daisy had just turned eleven. She had no need of another homeshe had her father, her granny, who prayed for her day and night. Daisy thought of her mother often, loved her, but couldnt understand why her mum would willingly let her go.
Time keeps runningno one can turn the clock back.
Life goes on, and everyone gets what theyve earned.
Harry stopped trying to fish on dry land. Hed long understood Alices heart was out of reach.
Fate finally offered up a good, plain woman. She had her feet firmly planted on the ground. No fantasies, no soaring flights of fancy.
Now Harry and his wife live in a village. She has two sons from her first marriage.
Turns out, she didnt want London or Paris, fancy coats or a hundred pairs of shoes. Just a good pair of wellies for the mucky autumns, a sturdy jumper for the barn, and to see the boys grow up well. That was all she wanted.
Harry felt truly at peace next to hersafe and warm. (Where things are simple, a hundred angels gather; where things are tangled, there are none at all.) Soon, a daughter was born. Harry found real happinessif it took four tries to get it. He finally felt pure love. The first three marriages he preferred not to mention.
As for Alice, she lives with her mum, in her mothers house. One of her business partners once promised her the moon and stars, then swindled her completely. Her seamstress business unravelled and faded away. The flock of eager suitors vanished.
In short, plenty came to court her, but all soon disappeared. Alice works as a school psychologist now. After all those years studying, it finally paid off. She says she regrets nothing. But the human soul runs deep, and who knows? Might Aliceour bird in the skyone day find a flicker of regret in her heart? Time will tell.
Daisy, now grown, lives with her husband at her grandmothers in Brightonthe very gran who raised her.
And on Daisys wedding day, she wore a dress light as air. It was a gift from her mum, AliceAs Daisy twirled in sunlight, her veil fluttering, Alice watched from the crowdapplause ringing, laughter soft as the waves of that distant August past. For a moment, Alice caught her daughters eye, and something small and sweet tightened in her chest, like the first tug of a childs hand. Pride and sorrow mingled; love she couldnt name crept in where regret had not dared.
Later that night, when the celebrations had faded, Daisy pressed a note into Alices palm. It was simple: Thank you for giving me life. No blame, no angerjust gratitude for beginnings.
The next morning, as dawn spilled across the windowpane, Alice stood alone with a cup of tea. For the first time, she allowed herself to remembernot only what she had lost, but what still remained: the warmth of a mothers kitchen, laughter echoing down old hallways, and somewhere on the wind, the promise of lightnesslike a dress glimmering on the edge of a dream.
And somewhere not far away, Harry hummed while mending a fence, his new daughter chasing chickens, his home alive with small, steadfast joys. He no longer wondered what might have been. Past and future, loss and lovethey belonged to everyone, and sometimes, to no one at all.
Outside, the world hurried on, but in certain hearts, forgiveness took quiet rooteven for whats gone, and what cant be undone.
