Were Moving Into Your Flat
“Pollys got a lovely flat in the centre. Its just been redone, all freshyou could move in and be happy from day one!”
“Lovely flat, sure, if youre a single woman,” chortled Graham, flashing a patronising smile at Emma like shed just failed an IQ test. “But were planning on two, ordare I saythree kids. Back to back, the whole set.”
“Its noisy in the centre; you can barely breathe, no chance of parking The crucial thing is its only got two bedrooms. Here, youve got three. Plus, its peaceful, and theres a nursery right next door.”
“The neighbourhood really is good,” agreed Simon, still not catching on to his future son-in-laws angle. “Thats why we chose it in the first place.”
“See? Thats my point!” Graham snapped his fingers. “I keep telling Polly: why suffer in cramped quarters when theres a perfectly good solution on tap?”
“You and your daughter have more space than you know what to do with. Honestly, you barely use the spare roomits more of a glorified storage lock-up. But for us? Itd be spot on.”
Emma was busy trying to wedge the whacking great wet-and-dry vacuum cleaner into the worlds tiniest airing cupboard. The hoover was putting up a fightits hose snagged on the coat hooks, and it simply refused to take up its allotted spot.
“Si, a hand, please!” she bellowed down the hallway. “Either the cupboards shrunk, or Ive totally forgotten how to organise anything.”
Simon poked his head out of the bathroomhed just finished wrestling with a dripping tap.
Calm and always just a tad slow-moving, Simon was polar opposite to his wife.
“Hang on, Em. Right, give it here.”
With a level of dexterity bordering on superheroic, he whisked the heavy thing into the cupboards corner in one go.
Emma exhaled dramatically and leaned against the door frame.
“Seriously, why is there never enough room? Supposedly its a roomy three-bed, but as soon as you try to clean, you may as well haul everything outside.”
“Its because you have a passion for accumulating er, treasures,” Simon quipped. “Do we really need three tea sets? We use one, twice a year at best.”
“Theyre staying. Theyre memories. It was your nans flat after all.”
After their wedding, Simons parents had divvied up the family inheritance sensibly: their son got this spacious old three-bed in a quiet part of town (Nans place), while his sister Polly got a two-bed flat bang in the centreright in the golden triangle.
Money-wise, it all balanced out neatly. Five years on, everyone lived in harmony, not a jealous thought in sight.
Emma had foolishly assumed it would always be this easy, but
***
Once the cleaning was finally done and the clutter vanished, they sunk onto the sofa for a rest. But just as they put the telly on, the doorbell rang.
Simon went to answer it.
“Its my sister and her fiancé,” he told Emma after a quick squint through the spyhole.
First in was Polly, all bright and breezy. Stomping in behind came Grahameach step as heavy as his self-importance.
Emma had met Graham only a couple of timesPolly had bagged him at the gym about six months prior.
Hed rubbed Emma up the wrong way instantlypuffed-up, slightly pompous, as if everyone in the room was a rung below him.
“Hello, darlings!” Polly pecked her brothers cheek and gave Emma a hug. “We were just passing and thought wed pop in. Got news!”
“Well, come on through if youre in the neighbourhood. Love a bit of news,” Simon waived them into the kitchen. “Want a cuppa?”
“Waters fine,” Graham said, padding in after their host. “Serious chat, Si. Best keep your wits about youdont bother with the tea. Take a seat.”
Emma felt a sudden sense of dreadGrahams tone was more slippery estate agent than family chat. What now?
“Right, go on then,” Simon lifted his shoulders.
Polly acted as if shed dissolved into the wallpaper, scrolling her phone and leaving her mouthpiece title firmly to Graham.
He cleared his throat.
“Heres the deal. Polly and I have submitted the registry paperwork. Wedding in three months. Huge plans for the future. Weve really looked into our living arrangements Basically, were moving in here, and youre moving into Pollys flat!”
Emma was gobsmacked. She shot Simon a look, then shifted to Polly, who scrolled on as if nothing was happening.
“Graham, am I hearing right?” Simon frowned. “What exactly are you suggesting?”
“Im not suggestingIm offering a constructive solution! Lets swap places. We move in here, you go to Pollys.”
“Pollys completely on board,” Graham ploughed on. “We both believe its fair.”
Emma, now twice gobsmacked, almost choked.
“Fair?” she yelped. “Youre being serious? You turn up and propose we move out of our home just because youre planning kids?”
“No need to be prickly, Emma.” Graham winced, as if shed spilled tea down his trousers. “Lets be honest. Youve got one child, and, unless Im mistaken, there are no plans for more.”
“So why sit on all that square footage? Its not practical. Whereas we have potential!”
“Potential, listen to this!” Emma shot to her feet. “Simon, are you hearing any of this?”
Simon raised his hand and gestured for calm.
“Graham, perhaps youve forgotten how we came by this flat. My parents bequeathed it to us, just as Polly was given hers.”
“Weve spent five years doing this place up, every single socket chosen ourselves. Our daughters grown up hereshes got her own room, friends on the street. You want us to uproot and move into the centre, just because its convenient?”
“Dont be so dramatic, Si.” Graham lounged back, looking like a mediocre bond villain. “Were family. Pollys your own flesh and blood. Dont you care about your sisters future?”
“Youd even be getting a posher postcode. The price is in your favourI made some rough calculations.”
Simon laughed dryly, “So, youre not even married to my sister yet, but youve already set your sights on my flat!”
Polly finally looked up from her phone.
“Oh, stop it,” she whined. “Graham only wants whats best.”
“Wed be completely cramped in my place with kids. And this corridorhonestly, you could host five-a-side football here.”
“Mum always said family comes first. Remember, Si?”
“Mum said to help each other, Polnot evict your own brother.” Emma snapped. “Do you even hear your precious Graham right now?”
“Whats he said thats so bad?” Polly fluttered her eyelashes. “Makes sense. We need it more! Youre just hogging a spare room.”
“Its not spare! Its my home office! I work thereremember?!”
“Work, she calls it,” Graham snorted. “Uploading pretty pictures? Polly says its just a hobby. You can do that on the kitchen table. No need for an entire room.”
Simon stood up, face set.
“Right.” His voice was cold. “Youre done here. Both of youout.”
“Si, calm down! We just came to talk, family to family!”
“Family? You waltz in, demand our flat, insult Emma, and presume to decide where my daughter lives? Youve got a cheek!”
Emma jumped in, “Hes dividing up the wedding spoils before the cakes even been cut!”
“Polly, do you even understand who youre bringing home? Hell chuck you out of your own place the minute it suits him!”
“Dont talk about him that way!” Polly shot up. “Graham wants whats best for our future!”
“Youre just greedy, the pair of you. Clinging to your precious corners like a couple of misers. Some brother!”
“The only greedy one is your fiancé,” Simon pointed at the door. “Lets keep it simple: get out. And as for that swapnever. Dont bring it up again, or were done.”
Graham stood, straightening his collar, not a flicker of embarrassmentjust pure annoyance.
“Big mistake, Simon. I thought we could sort this reasonably. But you want to be stubborn…”
“Polly, time to go.”
As the door slammed behind them, Emma collapsed onto the sofa, shaking.
“Did you see that? Did you see his nerve? Who does he even think he is?”
Simon was silent, staring out of the window at Graham, who strutted into his car, giving Polly an earful.
“You know what stings?” Simon finally said. “Polly actually believes hes in the right. Shes always had her head in the clouds, but this is a new level.”
“Hes twisted her brain!” Emma sprang up. “We need to call your mum. And your parentsthey deserve to know the genius plans of their future son-in-law.”
“Give it a minute,” Simon pulled out his phone. “Ill call Polly first. Alone; no peacock in the background.”
He dialled. Rings and more rings before Polly answeredher sniffs told the whole story.
“Hi!” she muttered.
“Polly, listen carefully,” Simons tone was steely. “Are you still with himin the car?”
“What does it matter?”
“If hes there, put me on speaker. I want him to hear this.”
“He dropped me outside my flat and has driven off, called my family a bunch of selfish so-and-sos wholl never be there for us, never babysit for free, never lend us a fiver”
“Oh Polly, why waste your tears?” Emma said gently. “If you cant rely on him, hes never going to put you or his future family firstonly his own skin. Move on!”
Polly sniffled between the tears, “He said he wont marry into a family like yours. Cant count on you. You wouldnt even help with the kids on weekends!”
“Polly, wake up!” Simons voice cut through. “He didnt even tell you about this swap, did he? Before storming our kitchen?”
Silence. Then, quietly, “No. He just said he had a big surprise for everyone. That hed figured it out for us all.”
“Some surprisehe decided everything for both of us, without so much as a hint. Polly, youre marrying a first-class freeloader. Today its a flat, tomorrow your cars not up to scratch, and by Monday, hell be making demands about Mum and Dad handing over their cottage because the airs purer.”
“Stop it He does love me.”
“If he did, he wouldnt have started a family war. He tried to split us apart!”
“Ill talk to him,” Polly responded doubtfully.
“You do that. And before you book the registry office, think very hard.”
Simon hung up and threw his phone on the sofa.
“What did she say?” Emma murmured.
“She never knew. Graham dreamed up this surprise.”
Emma gave a bitter laugh. “Classic. He plonks himself down, starts moving squares on a boardpeople here, square footage there. Ugh, makes me sick.”
“Doesnt matter,” Simon put his arm around her. “Theyre not getting our flat. End of.”
“But poor Polly. Shes in for a shock.”
***
Fortunately, Simon and Emmas worst fears werent realisedno wedding ever happened.
Graham dumped Polly that very night. Tear-stained, she turned up at her brothers and spilled everything.
Graham had come round and immediately started packing his stuff. When Polly asked what on earth was going on, he announced he had no intention of tying himself to people so tight-fisted theyd never look after his kids for free or loan him their last tenner.
“Why are you upset, Pol?” Emma tutted. “Hes not worth your tears! If you cant count on him, hell never care about familyjust his own benefit. Chin up, love, and bin him!”
Polly spent a few months mourning, but in the end, she came round.
It all clicked much later. How hadnt she seen what was staring her in the face? If she had married him, shed have been miserable forever. Clearly, fate had dodged a real bullet for her.
