June 14th
Today, I find myself wrestling with a heavy heart. I overheard Jane, my friend who works at the bakery, chatting with a neighbour about me. Oh, that Emilys gotten so high and mighty! Money ruins people, you know, the neighbour scoffed. I cant help but feel misunderstood; I never meant to offend anyone.
I used to have a lovely marriage, with a devoted husband and two children. But one fateful afternoon, my world was shatteredmy husband, Thomas, was in a car accident on his way home from work. I thought Id never recover, but Mum convinced me I had to carry on for the sake of the kids. So I pulled myself together and threw myself into work, doing whatever I could to keep our heads above water. As the children grew up, I took a chance and went abroad to earn a living, hoping to give them a proper start in life. It felt like no one was there to support me, so I had to stand on my own two feet.
I first found work in Birmingham, and later made my way to London. I changed jobs more times than I can count before finally finding something stable. I sent money back to the children every month, eventually bought each of them a flat, and did up my own place as well. I felt a surge of pride looking at what I had accomplished. Id even started thinking of moving home to Manchester for good. But life has a way of surprising uslast year, I met someone. His name is David, another Brit, but hes lived in London for more than two decades. We started seeing each other, and for a moment, I allowed myself to dream again.
But doubts nag at me constantly. David cant move to Manchester, and I miss home so badly. I decided to visit recently, starting off with a reunion with my children, then popping in to see Mum and Dad. I couldnt quite manage to visit my late husbands parents yetthere never seems to be enough time with all the errands and catching up.
Yesterday, Jane popped round for a cup of tea and brought some news. Your mother-in-law is rather cross with you, she confided.
Whatever for? I asked.
I overheard her talking to Mrs. Hughes. She said youve gotten conceited and that moneys ruined you. She also mentioned that youve never helped them out, not even with a few pounds.
It stung to hear this, especially since Id raised my two children alone and have always done my best for them. I couldnt send money to my in-lawsI had nothing left after making sure the children were looked after. Am I wrong for that?
After hearing this, the thought of visiting my in-laws made my stomach twist with anxiety. But I forced myself to go, arms heavy with bags of groceries. At first, things went smoothly, but the conversation hung over me like a cloud, and I couldnt keep it in.
You know it hasnt been easy for me all these years, I finally said, voice trembling. Ive done everything for the childrenthey had only me to rely on.
Weve had no support either, my mother-in-law replied pointedly. Everyone elses children help out, but were left on our own. Were practically orphans. You ought to come back and help us.
Her words stung. I felt deeply ashamed, and couldnt bring myself to mention David or my life in London. I left feeling utterly despondent. I dont know what to do anymore. Am I truly meant to take on responsibility for my late husbands parents as well? I feel completely overwhelmed.
