We Started Pretending We Werent Home to Avoid the Grandkids
I never thought Id say it out loud: I dont want the grandkids to visit. Even Im ashamed of the thought. But every story has two sides, and perhaps, hearing ours, youll understand why my wife and I hide inside our own flat.
Im 67, and my wife, Margaret, is 65. We became grandparents youngour daughter, Emily, was barely 30 when she had her first child. Little Charlotte was born, and it felt like a second youth. Wed push her pram through Hyde Park, dote on her, buy toys, spoil her rotten. We even joked, Were young grandparentsmeans well enjoy it all the more. Back then, it truly felt like a blessing.
Then came the second childanother girl, Sophie. We loved her just as much, took them on weekends, helped where we could. Emily never had to askwe insisted. We adore our children and grandchildren. But then came the third pregnancy twins. And suddenly, everything changed.
With the two boys, Oliver and William, our home turned to chaos. Weekends werent peaceful anymorejust a full-blown nursery. Shouting, running, endless cryingabsolute bedlam. We werent tired of loving them, just exhausted. Id had heart surgery, and Margarets doctor forbade her from lifting heavy things. But Emily seemed to ignore it. Shed call saying, Were on our way, without asking if it suited us. Sometimes, theyd just turn up unannounced, like it was our duty.
One day, seeing them approach the door, I whispered to Margaret, Lets pretend were not here. She nodded silently. We turned off the lights, stayed perfectly still. They knocked, rang the bell, even tried their keysbut we hid like frightened children.
When they left, Margaret cried. Not from joyfrom bitterness. How did it come to this? she asked. And I had no answer.
We love our grandchildren, but were not a free nursery for young parents. We want to live our days in peace, sometimes just the two of us, reading a book, catching a show at the West End. Were not obliged to be full-time babysitters.
Emily was hurt when she realised wed been home and didnt answer. Said wed become selfish. But I ask: is it selfish to want a bit of quiet and respect for our time?
Im not writing this to justify myself. Just to say: growing old isnt a life sentence. Even grandparents deserve rest and boundaries. Loving your grandchildren doesnt mean letting them walk all over you. Its caring for themwithout forgetting to care for ourselves.
