We Pretend Not to Be Home to Avoid Grandchildrens Visits
I never thought Id say out loud, I dont want the grandchildren to visit. Even Im ashamed of the thought. But every story has two sides, and perhaps, hearing ours, youll understand why my wife and I hide inside our own flat.
Im 67, and my wife, Margaret, is 65. We became grandparents youngour daughter, Emily, was barely 30 when she had her first child. Little Sophie arrived, and it felt like a new youth had swept over us. We pushed her pram through Hyde Park, doted on her, bought toys, spoiled her rotten. We were so happy we even joked, Were young grandparentswell get to enjoy it all. It truly felt like a blessing then.
Then came the second childanother girl, Charlotte. We loved her just as much, took them on weekends, helped where we could. Emily never had to askwe insisted. We adore our children and grandchildren. But then came the third pregnancy twins. And suddenly, everything changed.
With the two boys, Oliver and William, the house turned to chaos. Weekends were no longer peaceful but a full-blown nursery. Shouting, running, endless cryinga never-ending mess. We grew tired. Not of loving them, but of exhaustion. Id had heart surgery, and Margarets doctor warned her against lifting heavy things. Yet Emily seemed oblivious. Shed call to say, Were on our way, without asking if it suited us. Sometimes theyd show up unannounced, as if it were an obligation.
One day, spotting them approaching, I whispered to Margaret, Lets pretend were not home. She nodded silently. We turned off the lights, stayed perfectly still. They knocked, rang the bell, even tried their keysbut we hid like frightened children.
When they left, Margaret cried. Not from joyfrom bitterness. How did we get here? she asked. And I had no answer.
We love our grandchildren, but were not a retirement home with free childcare. We want to live our days in peace, sometimes just the two of us, reading a book, catching a show at the West End. Were not obliged to be full-time babysitters.
Emily was hurt when she realised wed ignored them. She said wed become selfish. But I ask: is it selfish to want a little quiet, a little respect for our time?
I write this not to justify myself, but to remind you: growing older isnt a sentence. Even grandparents deserve rest and boundaries. Loving grandchildren doesnt mean letting them walk all over us. It means caring for themwithout forgetting to care for ourselves.
