We Started Pretending We Werent Home to Avoid the Grandkids
I never thought Id say out loud: I dont want the grandkids to visit. Even Im embarrassed by the thought. But there are two sides to every story, and perhaps, hearing ours, youll understand why my wife and I hide inside our own flat like fugitives.
Im 67, my wife, Margaret, is 65. We became grandparents youngour daughter, Emily, was barely 30 when she had her first. Little Isabella arrived, and it was like a second wind. We pushed her pram through Hyde Park, doted on her, spoiled her rotten with toys. We joked, Young grandparents get all the fun! Back then, it felt like a blessing.
Then came the secondanother girl, Charlotte. We adored her just the same, had them over weekends, helped where we could. Emily never asked; we insisted. We love our children and grandchildren. But then came the third pregnancy twins. And suddenly, everything changed.
With the boys, Oliver and Henry, our home turned into a madhouse. Weekends werent peaceful anymorethey were a full-blown nursery. Shrieking, sprinting, endless tearsabsolute bedlam. We werent tired of loving them, just exhausted. Id had heart surgery, and Margarets doctor forbade heavy lifting. But Emily seemed oblivious. Shed call with, Were on our way, never asking if it suited. Sometimes theyd turn up unannounced, as if grandparenting were a mandatory community service.
One day, spotting them through the window, I whispered to Margaret, Lets pretend were out. She nodded. Lights off, frozen like statues, we ignored the knocking, the doorbell, even the jiggling of keys. When they left, Margaret criednot from joy, but guilt. How did it come to this? she asked. I had no answer.
We love our grandkids, but were not a free nursery for the elderly. We want quiet evenings, just us two, a good book, a trip to the West End. Were not on-call babysitters.
Emily was hurt when she realised wed ignored her. Called us selfish. But is it selfish to want a bit of peace?
Im not writing to justify myself. Just to say: growing old isnt a life sentence. Even grandparents deserve rest and boundaries. Loving your grandkids doesnt mean letting them trample you. Its caringwithout forgetting to care for yourself.
