Together with my husband, we decided to help our son by giving him money for the down payment on an apartment, but our daughter made a huge scene and now demands the same help. However, we see the situation differently: our son studied full-time, and we did not have to pay for his education, while our daughter dreamed of attending a private university, which we had to pay for.
We have two children: a son and a daughter. Their age difference is small – just two years. Our daughter, Emily, is older, while our son, Daniel, is younger. For a long time, my husband and I thought about how to secure our children’s future or at least provide them with some initial financial support. We decided to open a savings account for each of them and deposit a set amount every month.
With this starting capital, it would be easier for our children to enter adulthood. However, Emily and Daniel were very different from each other. Emily was never interested in studying – she constantly skipped classes, and it was difficult to make her do her homework.
We repeatedly tried to talk to her and explain that education is important, that without a degree, she would not get a decent job and would have to work as a cashier in a store or as a cleaner. But she didn’t care.
She barely finished school with passing grades, barely managed to pass her exams, so there was no chance of getting into a state university. The only option available to her was a private college. We knew that Emily wasn’t interested in studying, but she convinced us with tears and promises that she would work hard.
We withdrew the money from her savings account and paid for her education, and last year, we even added some of our own funds because there was not enough left in her account. Emily kept her promise—she really did study. Almost immediately after finishing her studies, she got married, moved in with her husband, and found a good job.
Daniel was completely different. He loved studying. He constantly participated in academic competitions and contests, often winning. He graduated from high school with honors and got into one of the best universities without any effort on our part—we didn’t have to pay anything, and he even received a scholarship.
During his final year of university, he started working part-time at a prestigious company, and after graduation, he was offered a full-time position there. He wasn’t in a rush to get married, even though he had been in a relationship with his girlfriend for over two years. One day, during a conversation, he told us that he wouldn’t get married until he had his own apartment.
– Until I am sure that my family will have everything they need, I won’t get married, – Daniel said.
Of course, this was a rational approach, but following this logic, he could end up waiting until he was forty. So, my husband and I discussed it and decided to give him the savings to help him with the down payment. Daniel agreed, and soon after, he was able to buy an apartment.
When Emily found out, she came to us crying and full of accusations.
She started blaming us, saying that we loved her brother more and that she also wanted money for an apartment.
However, we had always loved our children equally and treated them fairly: whoever was at fault was punished, and whoever behaved well was praised. If they argued and couldn’t clearly explain what had happened, we punished both of them.
We always bought them things and toys of equal value. Even on their birthdays, both received gifts—of course, the birthday child got a more expensive one, but the other child was never left out. We also deposited the same amount into their savings accounts every month. So, Emily had no reason to accuse us of favoring her brother.
We explained to her that we had paid for her education with the savings we had set aside for her and that we had acted fairly and justly.
– If I had known back then that I could choose between education and an apartment, I would have chosen the apartment! You never gave me a choice!
– What choice are you talking about? We made this decision together with your mother. Daniel went to a free university, which meant that we saved the money that we would have otherwise spent on his education. After he graduated, we gave him this money because that’s what we had saved it for. We saved money for you in exactly the same way.
But our daughter didn’t care about our arguments—she got offended and angry. She still believes that we love her brother more and that we cheated her. In her opinion, we should have paid for her education and still given her money for an apartment. You can never fully satisfy children.
