My Daughter and I Have a ‘Code Word’ – What Happened Yesterday Is Why You Should Have One Too
This experience reminded me why having a code word is so important for keeping children safe.
When I was little, my mum taught me to use a special word if I ever needed help but couldn’t say it outright. Now, as a parent myself, I decided to pass on this safety trick to my daughter. I imagined she might use it to avoid an awkward sleepover or an unwanted playdate. I never thought she’d need it so soon.
Yesterday seemed like any ordinary day—until my phone rang. It was my ex-husband, James. Our once-close relationship had grown strained over the years, as divorces often do. We tried to stay civil for our daughter, Emily, but tension always lingered.
“Hi, Sophie,” James said hesitantly. “Emily wants to talk to you. She’s been asking to tell you about her day since she got here.”
This took me by surprise. Emily usually loved her weekends with her dad and rarely called me during visits. “Oh, sure, put her on,” I replied, keeping my voice steady even as my stomach tightened.
“Hi, Mum!” Emily sounded cheery, but something in her tone felt off. I listened carefully, noticing an unusual edge beneath her usual bright chatter.
“Hello, love! How’s your weekend been? Having fun?” I asked, forcing a light tone.
“Yeah, it’s been nice. We went to the playground yesterday, and this morning I drew some pictures. I drew a cat, a house, and… I wish I had a purple crayon so I could draw blackberries.”
The word “blackberries” hit me like a punch. My heart lurched. Hidden in her innocent words, Emily had dropped our secret code. I froze, fighting to stay calm. It meant “come get me now.”
“Sounds lovely, sweetheart. I’ll be there soon. Don’t say anything to your dad—I’ll explain when I arrive.”
“Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?”
“No, that’s all,” she said sweetly, but I heard the fear underneath. I knew I had to get her out.
“See you soon, alright?”
“Okay, Mum. Love you.”
“Love you too, my Emmy-Bemmy.” I heard her giggle as I hung up, but my hands shook. What could have happened? James had always been a good father. But something was wrong. I grabbed my keys and drove straight to his flat.
When I knocked, a woman I didn’t recognise answered. She eyed me with suspicion.
“Can I help you?” she asked sharply.
“I’m here to pick up my daughter. Is James home?”
“He just popped out to the shops. Emily’s inside. Who are you?”
“I’m Sophie, Emily’s mum,” I said firmly. “And you are?”
The woman’s face hardened. “I’m Hannah, James’s girlfriend. We’ve been living together for a few weeks.”
I stared, stunned. James had never mentioned a girlfriend, let alone moving in with someone. Why hadn’t Emily told me? But questions could wait—I needed my daughter.
“Right, well, I just remembered Emily has a dentist appointment tomorrow, and we’ve got some things to prepare,” I lied smoothly. “I completely forgot to tell James, but I’ll bring her back later.”
Hannah didn’t look convinced but didn’t argue. “Fine. I’ll let him know.”
“Thanks,” I said, stepping inside. Emily was on the sofa, colouring. Her face brightened when she saw me, but her eyes were full of relief.
“Hi, darling,” I said lightly. “We’ve got that dentist visit to get ready for, remember?”
Emily nodded, clutching her book. She stayed silent as we left. Hannah watched us go but didn’t stop us. Once we were in the car and driving away, I glanced at my daughter.
“You alright, love?” I asked gently.
Emily nodded at first, then burst into tears. “Mum, Hannah… Hannah’s horrible to me when Dad’s not there.”
My heart twisted. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”
“She says I’m a nuisance and shouldn’t be here. She told me if I told Dad, he wouldn’t believe me because I’m just a kid. She says I should stay in my room and not bother them.”
Rage burned inside me. How dare this woman, a stranger in my child’s life, treat her like this?
“Emily, you did exactly the right thing telling me. I’m so proud of you,” I said, keeping my voice steady. “You won’t have to be around her again if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to your dad, and we’ll sort this out, okay?”
Emily wiped her tears and nodded. “Okay, Mum.”
Back home, I held Emily tight, soothing her. Once she was settled with her favourite teddy, I called James. He answered after a few rings.
“Sophie? Hannah said you picked up Emily?”
“Yes, because Emily used our code word today,” I said, my voice tight with anger. “She wanted to leave because Hannah’s been saying awful things to her when you’re not around.”
Silence. Then, “What? That can’t be true… Hannah wouldn’t—”
“She did, James. Emily was crying in the car. She’s scared of your girlfriend and didn’t know how to tell you, so she told me the only way she could.”
“I—I’m sorry. I had no idea. I’ll talk to Hannah. This isn’t on.”
“No, it’s not,” I agreed, softening. “But Emily is the one who matters.”
“You’re right,” James said quietly. “I’ll sort it. I promise.”
After hanging up, I sat on the sofa, drained. This wasn’t how I’d imagined my weekend, but I was grateful Emily knew to use our code word. It made all the difference.
Right then, I decided Emily needed a mobile phone. I know screens can be tricky, but it would give her a direct way to reach me.
Looking back, I realised how vital it is for parents to have a code word with their kids. It gives them a safe way to ask for help when they can’t speak openly. But choosing the right word is key.
First, avoid common words like “school” or “birthday.” You don’t want false alarms. Pick something unusual and unexpected.
Second, for older kids, consider a short phrase like “starry river” or “jumping fox.” Make sure it’s something they’ll remember, even if they’re scared.
Lastly, practise using it in different scenarios so your child feels ready if they ever need it.
Our story is a reminder that something so simple can be life-saving. I hope by sharing it, other parents might consider a code word too. It could be the thing that keeps their child safe one day.
Note:
This story is inspired by real experiences but has been fictionalised for privacy and narrative purposes. Names, details, and events have been changed. Any resemblance to actual people or incidents is coincidental.
