“You’re really not a looker!” — three years together, and all of a sudden, he comes out with that.
Ella, my old friend, had always been a confident woman with a sharp sense of humor and a keen intellect. Her relationship with Oliver seemed solid and harmonious. However, one day, after living together for three years, he unexpectedly stated:
“You know, you’re really not a looker.”
His words were said casually, with no hint of an argument or tension. Ella was taken aback and didn’t know how to respond. Later, when sharing the incident with me, she tried to smile, but I could see how deeply that remark had hurt her.
Sadly, such situations aren’t uncommon. Many women encounter partners who feel entitled to critique their appearance, undermining their self-esteem and confidence. These comments can be particularly hurtful when they come from someone close.
It reminds me of Lucy’s story, a young woman of 22. Her relationship with James, a sporty and attractive man, initially seemed perfect. However, over time, he began making unpleasant remarks about her appearance:
“Your eyes are too big.”
“Your nose is too large.”
“Who else would want you besides me?”
Lucy endured these humiliations, believing love required sacrifice. She cried at night, and her self-esteem plummeted. Eventually, she ended up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. Only the support of her loved ones helped her realize how destructive the relationship was. She found the strength to break free from the cycle and soon met someone who valued and respected her.
It’s crucial to understand that words carry enormous power. Criticism of appearance from a partner can inflict deep wounds that might not be visible to others. Women often endure these remarks, hoping for change or fearing loneliness. However, tolerating such comments can lead to significant psychological consequences.
My advice to Ella was simple:
“Don’t let anyone, even someone very close to you, undermine your confidence. If such comments continue, seriously reconsider the future of the relationship.”
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and support. If a partner stoops to belittling you, it’s a red flag. Every woman deserves to be with someone who values her not just for her looks but for her inner self.
Remember that your worth is not defined by someone’s subjective opinion. Love yourself and surround yourself with people who do the same.
