Its not a toy, she declared.
Why on earth would you want a child? Youre nearly forty, Ellie! Children are for well, you know, her sister snorted, laughter still bubbling from the tearoom.
Ellie placed her mug gently on the table, watching as Samantha dabbed away tears from a fresh bout of giggling. The kitchen suddenly seemed too cramped, and the steeped tea smelled overly sweet.
Sam, Im serious. I want to adopt a child from a care home, Ellie said, her voice steady.
Samantha waved a hand and let out another burst of laughter. Come off it! At your age people think about grandchildren, not changing nappies!
Ellie clenched her fingers around the warm ceramic. Across from her, Samanthas cheeks were flushed from mirth, oblivious to how sharply her words cut.
Listen, Sam, Ellie leaned forward. I want a child for myself. My life feels empty without one. Ive been married twice, both ended badly, and, thanks to my health, I cant have kids of my own. So Id like to fill that.
Hold on, hold on! Samantha snapped her palm up. Do you realise what youre saying? This isnt a plaything! Its a lifelong responsibility!
Ellie slouched back in her chair. The smile drained from Samanthas face, replaced by a serious expression.
What if something happens to you, Ellie? What will happen to the child? Youre on your own! And the money, deardo you know how much it costs to raise a kid? Clothes, food, clubs, school, university!
Ive thought about that, Ellie replied calmly. I know they first sort out infants, so Ill adopt a three or fouryearold. I can work from home and devote all my spare time to the child. Ill manage.
Samantha shook her head, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders. Ellie, you dont get it! Raising a child isnt just working from the sofa. It means getting up at night when they cry, spending evenings in A&E when theyre sick, and giving up your social life!
Ill manage. Im not hunting for a relationship anymore. My salarys decent, Ellie said firmly. I have savings, my own flat. Nothing to worry about.
Its not about the money! Samantha snapped, pacing the kitchen. You wont cope! This child will wreck your life! You have no idea what youre getting into!
Ellie rose slowly, her fingers gripping the edge of the table. You havent wrecked your life, Sam. Youve got your son and you seem happy enough.
Of course! Samantha whirled, eyes flashing. I have a full family! A husband! Of course Im happy! And youre all alone!
The air between them thickened. Ellie stared at Samantha, hardly believing her own ears.
A full family? she echoed slowly. So Im incomplete?
I didnt mean it like that, Samantha tried to soften her tone. Its just easier with a husband. He helps, supports. Youve got no one.
Got it, Ellie said coldly. Thanks for the support, sis.
Samantha snatched her bag off the windowsill, her movements sharp and jittery. Im worried about you! I dont want you doing something reckless!
Go away, Ellie whispered, not looking up.
The door slammed. Ellie was left alone in the kitchen, the scent of unfinished tea mingling with the bitterness of the words spoken. She sank onto a chair and covered her face with her hands.
Maybe Sam was right. Maybe she wouldnt manage. Doubts swirled, every syllable from her sister echoing like a bruise in her chest. She imagined quiet evenings in her flat, the oppressive silence, the absence of childlike laughter.
For two days Ellie went through the motions at work, answering client calls, but her mind kept drifting back to the conversation. She found herself browsing adoption sites, clicking through pictures of kids, only to close the tabs with a sigh.
On Thursday evening her friend Marion rang.
Ellie, whats up? You sound down.
Ellie poured out the whole saga, the sisters harshness, the lingering fear.
Your sisters being a right pillock, Marion said firmly. Youre not alone. Youve got me, Mum, Dad. If something happens to you, therell be people to look after the child.
Ellie pressed her forehead against the cool windowpane. And if I cant cope?
You will. Youre strong, clever, and have a big heart. That child will have a happy life with you.
Marions words steadied something inside Ellie. Yes, she wanted the child. Yes, she was ready to give love, care, a good life. And she didnt care a whit about her sisters opinion.
On Sunday she drove to her parents house in the leafy suburbs of Surrey. The car eased up to the familiar brick fence, she got out, opened the gate and walked toward the porch.
Suddenly, loud voices drifted from the back garden. Ellie froze. It was Samantha and her parents, clearly in the middle of a heated argument.
You have to stop her! Samantha shouted. She shouldnt be bringing a child into this! Shes too old, she doesnt need a kid!
Ellie wants this, her mother retorted. How can you say that?
Ellie slipped closer, hiding behind a side wall, her heart thudding.
Im speaking up because Im not only worried about Ellie, but also about my own child! Samantha hissed. If anything happens to Ellie, the flat she lives in should go to my sonmy familys inheritance!
Ellie felt the floor drop out from under her.
And then the flat will go to the kid Ellie adopts, a complete stranger! Samantha continued. All of Ellies money, gone!
Silence. Then her fathers voice cut in: Sam, do you realise what youre saying?
I do! Im just protecting my familys interests!
Ellie could no longer stand there. She stepped out from behind the wall.
How could you treat me like that? she shouted.
All three turned. Samanthas face turned ashen.
Ellie
You tried to convince me I wasnt fit to raise a child, just so you could claim my flat and my savings! Ellie cried. Did you hear yourself?
Samantha flailed, trying to explain. I didnt mean
I understood perfectly! Ellie snapped, stepping closer. And Im glad I heard it with my own ears. Otherwise Id have kept doubting myself forever.
Her mother lowered her head, her father stared at Samantha in bewilderment.
Ellie, listen
No! You listen to me! Ellie turned her back. Dont ever come near me again. Never.
She marched to the car, not looking back. The muted voices of her parents and Samantha faded as she drove away, a fire of determination burning in her chest.
The months that followed were a blur of paperwork, appointments, psychologists, and social workers. Ellie trudged forward, ignoring bureaucratic hurdles. Every form signed, every signature obtained, brought her nearer to the dream.
Finally the day arrived. Little Lily clutched Ellies hand shyly in the childrens home corridor.
Mum? Are you my mum now? the girl whispered.
Ellie knelt beside her. Yes, love. Im your mum now.
Lilys smile flooded Ellies heart with a love shed never known. All the lonely feelings of years past burst forth in a rush.
Later, Lily explored her new room, touching the toys Ellie had bought in advance. That evening they read a bedtime story together, and Lily fell asleep curled against Ellies shoulder.
Ellies parents welcomed the granddaughter with gusto. Her dad crafted a wooden swing for the garden within a week. Marion was thrilled tooher son Arthur and Lily became fast friends, playing together whenever the families met.
The only lingering shadow was Ellies relationship with Samantha. At family gatherings Samantha pretended Ellie didnt exist, turning away when she entered the room. It no longer bothered Ellie.
She had Lily. A girl who rushed into her bed each morning with plans for the day, who proudly showed off crayon drawings, who fell asleep to lullabies and whispered I love you before drifting off.
Life finally felt meaningful.
When Lily slept, Ellie sat by her bedside, gazing at her peaceful little face. Gratitude swelled inside herfor fate, for her own bravery, and even for Samanthas selfishness, which had inadvertently opened her eyes.
Ellie adjusted the blanket and whispered softly,
Sleep well, my sunshine. Mums right here.
