Its not a toy, Natalie said, setting her mug down with a sigh as Sarah wiped away the tears from her gigglefit. The kitchen suddenly felt cramped, and the sweet scent of strong tea lingered a little too long.
Honestly, Nat, youre almost forty. What are you thinking, having a baby? Sarah burst into laughter again.
Natalie leaned in, her fingers gripping the warm porcelain. Im serious, Sarah. I want to adopt a child from a care home.
Sarah waved a hand and let out another snort. Come off it! At our age people talk about grandkids, not about swapping nappies!
Natalies grip tightened. Across the table, Sarahs cheeks were pink from laughter, completely unaware of how sharp her jokes cut.
Listen, Natalie said, leaning forward, I want a child for myself. My life feels empty without one. Ive had two marriages, both ended, and I cant have kids naturally because of my health. So I need to fill that
Hold on! Sarah interrupted, raising a hand. Do you realise youre talking about a real person, not a plaything? Its a lifelong responsibility!
Natalie sank back in her chair. The smile faded from Sarahs face, replaced by a serious expression.
What if something happens to you, Nat? What will happen to the child? Youll be on your own! And the money? Do you know how expensive it is to raise a kid in this country? Clothes, food, clubs, school, university!
Ive thought about that, Natalie replied calmly. I know they first look at infants, so Ill aim for a three or fouryearold. I can work from home and devote all my spare time to them. Ill manage.
Sarah shook her head, her dark hair slipping over her shoulders. Natalie, you dont get it! Raising a child isnt just working from the sofa. It means getting up at night when they cry, spending hours in hospitals when theyre sick, and giving up your own social life!
Ill manage. Im not looking for a relationship anymore. My salarys good, I have savings, my own flat. Ive got nothing to worry about, Natalie said firmly.
Its not about the money! Sarah sprang up, pacing the kitchen. You wont cope! This child will ruin your life! You have no idea what youre stepping into!
Natalie rose slowly, her fingers gripping the edge of the table. Your son didnt ruin your life, did it? You seem happy enough.
Of course! Sarah snapped, turning sharply. I have a proper family, a husband! Im thrilled! And youre on your own!
The air between them thickened. Natalie stared at Sarah, barely believing what shed heard.
A proper family? So Im improper? she asked slowly. Is that what you mean?
Sarah tried to soften. I didnt mean it like that. Its just having a husband makes things easier. He supports you. Youve got no one.
Right, Natalie replied coldly. Thanks for the support, sis.
Sarah snatched her bag from the windowsill, her movements jerky and nervous. Im worried about you! I dont want you doing something foolish!
Leave, Natalie whispered, not even looking up.
The door slammed. Natalie was left alone in the kitchen, the halfdrunk tea still smelling faintly, the bitterness of Sarahs words hanging in the air. She slumped into a chair and covered her face with her hands.
Maybe Sarah was right. Maybe she couldnt do it. Doubts swirled, each of Sarahs remarks thudding in her chest. She imagined quiet evenings in her flat, the oppressive silence, the absence of childlike laughter.
The next two days she went through the motions at work, answering client calls, but her mind kept drifting back to the conversation. She found herself browsing adoption sites, looking at pictures of children, then snapping the tabs shut in a flash of guilt.
On Thursday evening her friend Megan called. Nat, you sound down. Whats up?
Natalie poured out the whole saga, the sisters harsh words and her own lingering fears.
Your sisters being a right prat, Megan said firmly. Youre not alone. Im here, your parents are there. If something happened to you, thered be people to look after the child.
Natalie pressed her forehead against the cool window pane. What if I cant handle it?
You will. Youre strong, smart, and youve got a big heart. That kid will have a happy life with you.
Megans pep talk settled something inside Natalie. Yes, she wanted the child. Yes, she could give love, care, a good life. And she didnt care what Sarah thought.
On Sunday she drove to her parents house in a leafy suburb outside Manchester. The car rolled up to the familiar fence, she opened the gate and walked up to the front steps.
From the back garden came loud voices. Natalie froze. It was Sarah and her parents, clearly in an argument.
You have to stop her! Sarah shouted. She shouldnt be getting a child! Shes too old, she doesnt need a baby!
Nat wants this, her mother replied. How can you say that?
Natalie slipped closer, hiding behind the garden wall, heart pounding.
Im worried not just about Nat but about my own child! Sarah barked. If anything happens to Nat, her flat will go to my son. Itll be my childs inheritance!
Natalie felt the floor drop out from under her.
And then that flat will belong to the child Nat adopts, who has nothing to do with us! All of Nats money will end up with a stranger! Sarah continued, voice rising.
Her fathers voice cut in, Sarah, do you even realise what youre saying?
I do! Im just protecting my familys interests, Sarah retorted.
Natalie could take no more. She stepped out from behind the wall. How could you treat me like this? she shouted.
Sarahs face went pale. Natalie
You tried to stop me, saying I couldnt raise a child, just because you wanted my flat and my savings for your son! Natalies voice trembled with anger. I heard every word, and Im done listening to you.
Her mother lowered her head, her father stared at Sarah in bewilderment.
Natalie, listen Sarah began.
No! You listen! Natalie turned her back. Dont ever come near me again!
She strode to the car without looking back, the muted arguments of her parents and Sarah fading as she drove away, a fierce resolve lighting her chest.
The following months were a blur of paperwork, appointments, psychologists, and social workers. Natalie pressed on, undeterred by bureaucracy. Each signature brought her closer to the dream.
Finally the day arrived. In the hallway of the care home a shy little girl clutched Natalies hand.
Mum? Are you my mum now? the child whispered.
Natalie knelt beside her. Yes, love. Im your mum now.
The girls smile flooded Natalies heart with a love shed never felt before, all the loneliness of the past spilling out in a rush.
Later that evening the girl explored her new room, touching the toys Natalie had bought in advance. They read a bedtime story together, and LilyNatalie had chosen the name Lilyfell asleep with her head on Natalies shoulder.
Her parents welcomed the granddaughter with enthusiasm. Her mother doted, and her father, within a week, built a swing set in the garden. Megan was thrilled tooher son Arthur and Lily became fast friends, playing whenever the families met.
The only lingering shadow was Natalies relationship with Sarah. At family gatherings Sarah pretended Natalie didnt exist, turned away when she entered a room. It no longer mattered. Natalie had Lily. The girl burst into her mornings with questions about the days plans, drew pictures she proudly displayed, fell asleep to lullabies and whispered I love you before the lights went out.
Life finally made sense.
At night, with Lily asleep, Natalie sat by the little bed, watching her daughters peaceful face. Gratitude swelled in her chestfor fate, for her own courage, and even, oddly enough, for Sarahs selfishness that had forced her to see clearly.
Natalie pulled the blanket up and whispered softly, Sleep well, my sunshine. Mums right here.
