There wont be a wedding
Youre awfully quiet today, Alice said, peering over her teacup, I thought we agreed: on Saturday were off to pick out a new bed for the bedroom. But you look ever so glum. Whats on your mind?
Oliver knew: it was now or never. He had to say it now.
Ali Theres something I wanted to say. About the wedding.
Alice had waited ages for this. She and Oliver had agreed to keep things small, but she always sensed Oliver wanted a real English bash for her, with a marquee, at least forty guests, speeches and bands and wedged photos pressed between jam sandwiches. She had longed for this talk.
Dont bother with a long preamble; I think I know what youre going to say, Alice smiled.
But Oliver said, Lets postpone Lets not do the wedding just yet.
Not the conversation shed awaited.
Postpone? she echoed, blinking dumbly. Whats this out of nowhere? Why? We were literally talking about sending out invitationsyou helped pick them! We were tallying guests! Have you suddenly changed your mind about marrying me?
Like a melodrama, she expected him to say his feelings had faded.
But Oliver veered off script.
Its just moneys a bit tight at the moment, he mumbled. Works put off my wages again. We havent managed to save. And, well Weve only been living together for half a year. Dont you think its a bit soon?
A bit soon? Alice nearly choked. Ollie, weve been together three years! Three years together, six months living as a coupleis that a bit soon for you?
Olivers frightened look had gone now.
Dont kick off, Ali. Im not after a row. I havent changed my mind. I want to marry you. But weddings cost a fortune.
All right how about we just nip over to the registry and sign as a pair? Celebrate with close friends after.
Then it wouldnt be a proper wedding, Alice.
Let it go hang then!
But you wanted all that
Ill manage.
Strange sort of excuses he finds, she thought.
Ali
Be honest. Has something happened? Do you not love me? Or is there someone elseyouve met another woman, perhaps? Because weddings are expensive doesnt sound convincing.
Oliver shook his head solemnly.
No, Alice, honestly. I just want it all to be perfect, dont you understand? And I cant give you a perfect wedding just now. And, yes, six months isnt so long, is it? Were still finding our feet, learning if we really fit
There was logic to his words He sounded convincing, but Alices gut tightened. It was rare for Oliver to be this insistent. Hed been the one pressing for a speedy ceremony before.
She decided to pretend she believed him.
After that, Oliver became not just a boyfriend, but a model boyfriend, suddenly noticing little things hed always missed beforewashing up after tea, always asking about her favourite little biscuits in Sainsburys. But he was melancholya pale blue, not just thoughtful, sighing to the ceiling in the night, batting away Alices questions with Just tired, thats all.
Alice tried not to push. Later, later, later, whispered her inner voice.
A couple of weeks on, they got an invitation to visit Olivers parents in Letchworth. Alice didnt want to go. It didnt feel right. And Oliver hadnt spoken about the wedding sinceit was bound to come up with his folks. That would be awkward.
Still, they had to go.
Of course, the wedding came up: Olivers mum, after his dad shuffled off to tinker with the telly, asked, So, when are you finally going to make us proud? Weve already had a nose at some lovely venues a cute spot near St Albans, enough space for twenty. What date, sweethearts?
Oliver and Alice both looked as glum as cold porridge. Book what? There’s nothing happening.
Mum, we saidwere postponing it, Oliver rasped.
Postponing? Is it the money, then? Oliver, youre meant to plan for this sort of thing!
Later, the menfolk hunched over a deconstructed record player in the sitting room. Alice slipped into the bathroom.
It was neat as a nursing ward. Not a stray towel, no lipstick or hairbrush. Olivers mum kept her makeup in the bedroomAlice had always found it ridiculously fussy, carting it to and fro each time.
Alice dried her face, then paused. The walls here echoed secretswhen there were secrets to hear. Oliver was murmuring with his mum in the kitchen, voices seeping through the pipes. Alice caught it:
Oliver, are you thinking of breaking up with Alice?
Alice, cheeks in the towel, froze. What? She didnt kid herselfshe pressed an ear to the icy tiles and listened.
Mum, I told you. Were just postponing. We havent split.
Postponingrubbish! hissed Mrs. Jenkins. I can see youre miserable. Shes not wife material, you know. A wife should listen to her husband, and her Why get married if youll split inside a year?
I love her, mum, mumbled Oliver.
For a second, Alice was touched.
But then the next words erased sentimentality:
You say you love her? That girls crafty, Oliver. I warned you! She isnt even your wife yet, and shes poisoned you against us! You never help your sister anymore, you never swing by for Sunday lunch. Shes changing youand not for the better.
Alice pressed closer against the tiles. Poisoned him? When? Shed tried her utmost to be polite, even after Olivers dad had trashed her haircutembarrassing, but she held her tongue.
Shed never, not once, driven Oliver away from his family. Shed always nudged him closershe knew what they meant to him.
And suddenly it all clicked: the postponement wasnt about money. It was his mumsmiling to her face, working against the wedding.
Alice dashed out.
Ah, Alice is back! Mrs. Jenkins beamed. We were just saying, no need to dawdle with the paperwork. I get youre young, but I dont care for anything less than a marriage certificate.
How sweet.
Of course, Mrs. Jenkins, Alice replied, cool as a glass of gin. We shant put it off long. Once weve padded our savings, well be down at the registry, isnt that right, Oliver?
Yes, Ali, consider us almost married, Oliver chipped in.
That night, driving home through rainy streets, Oliver tried to hold Alices hand, but she withdrew. She didnt know how to beginwas it worth asking? If he hadnt left her at his mothers request, he must still want her. But the wedding was off.
You acted strangely when your mum spoke, Alice said, watching the twinkling lamps shrink into darkness.
Me? No, shes just pushing. Wants the wedding, and
Dont lie. She doesnt want us to get married. She said Ive turned you against her. She told you we should split.
Oliver clenched the wheel so the lights glimmered on his knuckles.
So you heard? Look, Ali, my mother worries Ill marry and forget about her. Its classic, isnt it? Dont take it personally. Shell get over it.
Alice didnt mind the words of a mum reluctant to let go of her son. She worried about Olivers wordshow quick he was to agree, just for the sake of peace. He hadnt stood up for her.
The wedding question floated, unresolved. Oliver continued moving through the days as if hed sucked a lemon. And when Alice hinted at the future, he only said, Maybe later
And then one morning Alice came across Olivers unlocked phone.
Im just checking the time, she promised herself. Wont read his messages. Just a quick glance.
On the screen was a message from his sister, Grace. Grace was only a couple of years younger than Alice, but acted as though she was stuck at elevenno job, no uni, living at home, living off her parents kindness.
The message was blunt:
Right then, looks like Ill never see that money. Youre under the thumb again. Go on, live with her, if some girl means more than family.
Alice reread it: under the thumb again.
A memory surfaced
Before the cancelled wedding, when Grace had rung for moneyagainAlice, exasperated, had told Oliver: Ollie, shes twenty-seven, still at home, and keeps borrowing off you for nights out. Maybe she should earn her own way? Our budget isnt bottomless.
She might not have said anything, but her pay went into the same pot as Oliversshe hadnt signed up to support his family as well. Oliver had grudgingly agreed. Yes, youre right, Aliwe need to stop.
Now she understood who’d turned everyone against her.
Alice took Olivers phone, copied Graces message, and sent it to herself as proof. She placed the phone back exactly where shed found it.
Oliver, shaking rain from his coat, called out: Got the bread, and picked your favourite chocolate, the one with hazelnuts. Thought, maybe, Alishould we have
Oliver, Alice interrupted.
Oh, so you were expecting someone else? he joked.
But Alice didnt laugh.
Whats Grace messaged you now? she asked.
Oliver, knowing the best defence is a good offence, pretended outrage.
Were you snooping in my phone?
A classic distractionpin the blame.
Doesnt matter what I did, Oliver. I want to know now.
Oliver hesitated; his expressions flickered from anger to anxiety.
Oh, Ali, shes just sulking. Acts like a little girl sometimes.
Sulking about what? That I told her to act her age?
Well, you know, shes used to running to her brother. Hard habit to break, isnt it? Shell get over it, just leave it.
She turned your parents against me?
Yeah, Oliver admitted. I tried telling them its our money, Grace has to grow up, but Mum just snappedAlice is bossing you around, youve forgotten your family! But its not how I see it
But you cancelled our wedding Fine. Grace twisted your family. I accept I cant get on with them. But what about you? Do you even want to marry me? Or are you just too scared to tell your mum no?
Of course I want to marry you! Just not now Maybe when things calm down.
And there it was.
You know, Oliver, I’ve realised something I dont want to marry someone who isnt sure about me, who jumps every time his sister has a tantrum. Good thing we called off the wedding.
Olivers mouth opened and shut. He looked, for once, utterly lost. The silence between them hummedan old fridge droning, the patter of drizzle on glass. Alice watched him, waiting for the defense, the apology, the promise. None came.
She picked up her coat, the one theyd chosen together at Camden Markethis faded thumbprints still lingering on a button.
Im going for a walk, she said. I need to think.
Alice stepped into the misty street, the familiar cobbles shining black with rain. Every step away from the flat felt lighter, quieter. Behind her, the life shed twisted herself small forthe careful smiles, the tiptoeing around old family resentmentsbegan to peel away.
She walked without destination past their bakery, remembering the first time Oliver had shyly reached for her hand, how wild and impossibly lucky shed felt then. But love, she understood now, could not be constructed on the shifting sands of fear and half-truths.
She reached the canal. Swans drifted, ghostly and unhurried, through the silver water; the city blurred behind her. Alice realized she finally, truly saw herselfwithout apology, without trying to fit a script someone else had written.
The phone in her pocket buzzed: Olivers name glowed on the screen. For a moment, she thought of answering. She imagined the same conversation, the same loop of promises and patience, the same sinking certainty in her chest.
She let it ring until the screen went dark.
Alice breathed, let the chill air fill her. She smilednot out of anger, not even out of relief, but from a sudden, sharp sense of her own possibility.
There wouldnt be a wedding.
And, for the first time in years, Alice felt that was the best news shed ever had.
