Nathan Whitaker tried hard not to think about what had happened. His wife, Lucy, didnt bother with chatter either you know I know you know, shed said, flashing a grin that could put a seasoned conman to shame. She caught Nathan looking bewildered, and that was more than enough; a man wracked with guilt was easier to steer. Lucy was, after all, a very shrewd woman.
Her eyes were a deep, endless green the kind youd never seen before or after. One glance and you were lost, falling straight into that abyss.
Nathan fell for Emily Clarke the instant he saw her irrevocably, permanently, like a loveatfirstsight commercial. Shed arrived late to a lecture, slipped into the room already in session, and, as fate would have it, they ended up in the same tutorial group.
Nothing like this had ever happened to him. The world seemed to dim, the background fading away, while Emily gave him not a single look of interest. Not even a fleeting, curious glance, a teasing question, or a halfhearted joke. She simply didnt notice Nathan at all.
Even though Nathan was goodlooking by todays standards, Emily was completely uninterested. It was his first real disappointment; at school hed been the top lad in the village, and girls never seemed scarce.
The whole thing felt ridiculous, until the strange new feeling that swelled inside him proved unexpectedly strong perhaps thats what real love feels like. A tiny consolation was that Emily wasnt flirting with any of the other lads in their cohort.
If this ever happens, Nathan often thought, I have no idea what Id do with it!
Emily drifted into the third year, and Nathans feelings for her stayed exactly the same he kept on loving her, unabated. Then, as if spring had finally melted the ice, she started laughing at a classmates jokes, and Nathans heart leapt.
When they rode home together on the London Underground, Nathan imagined an entire plotline of a blissful future together. He asked her out for a date, and to his astonishment she said yes. Emily soon realised she was warming to the handsome Nathan, whose spiky haircut made him look like a cartoon hero.
He invited her for a cup of strong coffee the very song that was topping the charts was blaring from every kettle and radio in the flat. They had a wonderful time, then shared a kiss; Nathans dream was finally materialising.
By the end of their third year they were officially a couple. By the start of the next academic year Emily discovered she was pregnant.
Yes, it happens. She found out on her birthday, 9 June, when Nathan turned up at her parents cottage while they were away. In the heat of the moment they hadnt used any contraception, assuming itll just be a fling. It didnt.
Soon Emily realised shed received a truly regal present a baby. They spent the holidays with their families each with their own. Not everyone owned a mobile yet, so the young dad only heard the good news after the fatherinlaw arrived from the South in late August.
Emily was a nervous wreck she was about two and a half months pregnant and needed to make decisions. Nathan, too, was in a bewildering fog; he wasnt quite sure what to do either.
Lying in bed, everything seemed romantic, but the harsh reality crept in: the trouble has green eyes, as the saying goes.
Marriage felt premature he was still a lad, and his parents would have objected. An abortion? Emily wouldnt consider giving birth alone, and it was too early for her as well. Money was needed for an abortion, plus the girls consent
Emily seemed ready for any solution, as if a dusty sack had knocked her sensibility flat: Just do something, Nathan! she implored. Nathan promised, then actually did something but it shocked everyone, including himself: he didnt turn up for the first day of term.
Why? He was simply too chickenhearted.
If anyone had told him such a twist could happen, hed have laughed it off. Turns out hed taken his documents and vanished to another university. Emily was left to face her predicament alone.
Their classmates were baffled; Nathan had disappeared, didnt call, and his parents claimed hed moved into a rented flat with no phone line. In short, Emily was erased from his life; the fear of losing freedom outweighed his oncebright love.
Years later, Nathan Whitaker was happily married, his son just turned twentytwo. He never bothered about his former love; shed passed away, and he never learned what became of her. Yet, as the years went by, his conscience began to gnaw at him: perhaps hed been too harsh? He had loved Emily, after all, and would have loved the child she carried.
His wife, Lucy, was also loved, but it was a different sort of love fireworks and a snowy tumble after a sauna, rather than the calm, measured partnership they now enjoyed. They wed the year after the breakup, and Lucy had studied in the same group albeit at a different university where Nathan had retreated.
Nathan never told his wife about that embarrassing episode; after all, men rarely confess they fled a battlefield. Yet Lucy had long known, thanks to mutual acquaintances who spilled the beans. Good people always surface, after all.
She was a wise woman and didnt say, I know everything, you scoundrel! She understood that everyone needs a few secrets, especially those tied to something ugly youd rather not recall. Hinting that she was aware would have bruised the image of the model husband and the familyfixer hed always portrayed.
Such a revelation would have done nothing but shake their marriage, especially since it predated Lucys own happy life with Nathan.
One Saturday, their sons friend Serge announced he was taking a girl out Svetlana and I are getting married! Though it seemed early for the lad, his parents didnt object; hed been living independently in a onebed flat his grandmother had gifted him, and he was financially selfsufficient.
When Nathan opened the door for his son and his date that Saturday, he nearly dropped his tea: standing there was Emily or rather, a perfect copy of her, as if a clone had stepped out of a scifi film. It was that August evening when hed left her behind, and now she was back, reminding him that a boomerang always returns.
Nathan, not being a fool, realised this wasnt the former lover but her daughter perhaps even his own. If true, she was his halfsister. Marrying a sister? That was a whole new level of awkward.
His throat went dry, his heart pounded over a hundred beats a minute, and a cold sweat broke out divine retribution, indeed! He tried to stay composed, smile, and chat, but he avoided looking at her, fearing a silent accusation in those eyes, as if shed come to sow discord.
She heard mums story about a dad who ran off and came for revenge, he thought. She fell for our boy, and now she claims to be his sister? Oh, the drama!
He felt terrible, and those around him noticed.
Maybe you should lie down? Lucy asked, handing him a bloodpressure cuff. Come on, lets check it.
He agreed, using it as an excuse to retreat from the table.
Dad, didnt you like Svetlana? their son asked, having just said goodbyes to his fiancées mother. I saw you ignore her. Is it because of your blood pressure?
Sure enough, his pressure had spiked; a tablet was taken. You wont marry her! his father roared.
Why not? Serge sputtered. Explain yourself!
How can I explain? Shes my sister? I abandoned her mother when she was pregnant twentyodd years ago? The words felt heavier than any load hed ever carried.
Then Ill marry her anyway! Serge declared and walked away.
Lucy, ever the witty one, asked, Whats gotten into you, love? Shes a nice girl you can see it! She loves Serge! What made you head off into the wrong direction, old man?
Nathan thought, If only I could go back, what would I do now? He felt the weight of the absurdity.
Two days of misery followed; he even called in sick at work with a hypertensive crisis. Calm down, its not her! Lucy said over dinner.
Not her? he repeated, bewildered. What do you mean not her? I know she looks just like Emily, same type, same hair, same eyes!
Lucy reminded him that the photo that had caused the whole mess was a careless snap Nathan had taken during his passionate fling with Emily, and that the lookalike was merely a coincidence after all, there are lookalike contests for a reason. The womans mother was also called Lena, just like Lucy.
So youre saying shes not Emilys daughter? Just a doppelgänger? he asked.
Yes, Lucy replied. And by the way, were going to her parents house this Saturday. Will you finally give your son the green light to marry?
Lena? As in my wife? he stammered. So Svetlana isnt his sister after all?
Relief washed over him, and he breathed a sigh. Now I can give my blessing, he said, still wondering how Lucy had uncovered all this.
Later, after a closer look, Nathan realised hed been wrong. The girls hair colour was different, the eyes were a different shade no miracle, just an uncanny resemblance. He wondered why his conscience kept waking up at the most inconvenient moments.
In the end, Nathan tried not to dwell on the whole episode. Lucy, as always, kept quiet: You know I know you know I know. She saw him looking sheepish and, satisfied, used that guilt to steer him as she pleased a skillful, wise woman indeed.
Nathan changed: his swagger and bravado diminished, and he realised hed never truly been the ma.чо he pretended to be. But that, dear reader, is a story for another cup of tea.
