The shock was overwhelming: he found out I was pregnant and left me like a coward!
My name is Amelia Johnson, I’m 20 years old, and I live in the grey days of the English countryside, surrounded by forests and lakes. For a while, I hesitated to share my story, but after reading the confessions of other girls, I decided to express my pain. My story is an open wound, a shadow that haunts me, poisoning each day of my youth.
It all started when I was 15. I fell for a boy named Ethan – he was so handsome, like someone out of a dream. His eyes, his smile – every girl at school secretly swooned over him. I couldn’t believe my luck when a friend whispered that he wanted to meet me. “Are you serious?” I asked, my heart pounding like a bird in a cage. Without a second thought, I agreed. On our first date, he gave me a red rose – I still keep it pressed between the pages of an old book. That evening felt like a fairytale: his voice, his warmth – I was lost in it, unaware of the fall ahead.
I gave myself to him – and it turned out to be my fatal mistake. Soon after, I discovered I was pregnant. My world collapsed. When my parents found out, they looked at me as though I were a stranger: my father was silent, fists clenched, and my mother cried as if I had died. I was terrified, trapped, unable to find a way out. And Ethan, my charming prince, abandoned me like a coward. Upon hearing about the baby, he turned pale, mumbled something incoherent, and vanished – as if he had never existed. I was left alone, with fear, shame, and the burden that crushed my youth.
The silence at home was deafening. My parents turned away, overwhelmed with their own disappointment, leaving me nowhere to turn. In the end, with my mother’s consent, I had an abortion. It was hell: pain, tears, emptiness. Afterwards, I withdrew into myself, like into a tomb. The shock was so intense that I couldn’t face boys for years. Since then, I haven’t had anyone – no dates, no hint of affection. Love has become poison to me, and intimacy a nightmare from which I wake in a cold sweat. I’m terrified of becoming pregnant again, convinced that if it happens, I’ll have no choice but to endure it, a fear that has frozen my heart.
I’ve lost myself. My soul is like a broken violin, playing only mournful melodies that echo my melancholy. I live in solitude, in eternal sorrow, with no room for joy. Sunshine has faded for me, smiles seem foreign, and my shadow is like a ghost following every step. I’ve forgotten how to talk to boys, how to meet their eyes without trembling. My voice shakes when someone speaks to me, my heart clenching in fear. I’ve become an ice statue – cold, fragile, incapable of feeling warmth.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. Where is the girl who laughed, dreamed, believed in love? Ethan stole her away, crushed her, leaving me only with pain and fear. I walk the streets, see other couples in love, and inside I scream: why not me? Why is my life filled with darkness? I want to love, to live, but every time I think about it, his face reappears – handsome, deceitful, cowardly. He left me at the most terrifying moment, and the shock still reverberates through my chest.
I don’t know how to break free from this hell. Fear has chained me: I’m afraid to trust, afraid to open up again, afraid to relive that nightmare. My youth should be full of light, but I’m drowning in despair. Friends call me out, but I hide at home, in my room, where only the walls know my pain. My parents have long forgiven me, but I cannot forgive myself – for my naivety, my weakness, for trusting him. The rose in my book is a reminder of the day I lost everything.
Please tell me, how do I move forward? How do I thaw the ice that has encased my heart? I want to break free from the past, but it holds me tight in its grip. I’m only 20, yet I feel ancient, as if my life ended before it truly began. Ethan has gone, but he left behind a burden – fear, loneliness, emptiness. How can I find the strength to believe in love again, in people, in myself? I’m tired of crying into my pillow, tired of being afraid. I want sunshine in my soul, but I don’t know where to find it. Please help me; I’m drowning in this darkness and can’t see the light.
