Ive decided Im getting married, announced the son at supper.
Dad snorted, and Mum just stopped chewing, staring at her boy like hed started speaking in Latin.
What exactly do you mean? she asked, bewildered. To whom?
Shes new. So beautiful, so clever, so utterly charming, he sighed theatrically, propping his chin on his hand.
Because of this girl, hed lost all interest in dinners and bungled just about everything lately.
Does this girl actually know about your grand plans? Dad asked, trying not to grin.
Yes I told her today and she said shes fine with itas long as Ive got a flat.
Do you have a flat? Mum was clearly taken aback.
Of course I do! Well, we live in one, dont we? Dads got a car, and Ive promised her Ill borrow it for the wedding
Dad shook his head as if to say he wasnt remotely signed up for this and there was absolutely no chance his son was borrowing his beloved car any time soon.
And whats she bringing to the marriage? Is she a decent bride? Mum had now fully joined the conversation.
Yes! the son answered, all enthusiasm. Shes lovely and speaks ever so nicely.
Mum was finding it hard not to giggle, nodding at his plate.
Anyway, youre not eating a thing.
Leave him be, hes got weddings on the brain, joked Dad. But I forbid you from marrying anyone until you show me your maths and English marks.
The son stared at his father in horror. Hed spent the entire day thinking about the girl, hadnt done a shred of homework, and todays dictation was a complete disasterthanks yet again to the new girl distracting him in class. She was hands down the prettiest girl hed ever seen. And he wasnt the only one smitten, so hed directed all his energy towards winning her heart, rather than his lessons.
Oh, come on, Dad!
Now youve eaten, off you gohomework before wedding, flat, or car. If your marks are below a C, its not happening.
The son felt wounded, but he dutifully got up and trudged off to his room.
Oh, Year 5 pupils, sighed Mum.
Youre not wrong agreed Dad.
