My Daughter and I Have a ‘Code Word’ – What Happened Yesterday Is Why You Should Have One with Your Loved Ones Too
This whole experience reminded me why having a code word is so important for keeping our children safe. When I was young, my own mum taught me to use one if I ever needed help but couldn’t say so outright. As a father now, I decided to pass this little trick on to my daughter. I reckoned she might use it to dodge a boring playdate or an awkward situation, but I never imagined she’d need it as quickly as she did.
Yesterday seemed like just another ordinary day—until it wasn’t. I was in the kitchen, finishing my tea, when my phone rang. It was my ex-wife, Sarah. We used to be close, but like many divorced couples, things had grown tense over the years. We tried to keep things civil for our daughter, Lily, but there was always an unspoken strain.
“Hello, James,” Sarah said, her voice hesitant. “Lily wants to talk to you. She’s been eager to tell you about her day since she got here.”
That took me by surprise. Lily usually loved her weekends with her mum and rarely called me during them. “Oh, right—put her on,” I replied, keeping my tone steady even as a knot twisted in my gut.
“Hi, Dad!” Lily’s voice was bright, but something in it felt off. I listened carefully, noticing an odd tension beneath her usual cheerful chatter.
“Hey, love! How’s your weekend been? Having fun?” I asked, forcing a lightness I didn’t feel.
“Yeah, it’s been nice! We went to the playground yesterday, and this morning I drew some pictures—a cat, a house, and… I wish I had a purple crayon so I could draw grapes.”
That word—*grapes*—hit me like a punch to the chest. My breath caught. Hidden in her innocent words, Lily had dropped our secret code. It meant *get me out now*. I swallowed hard, fighting to stay calm.
“Sounds brilliant, sweetheart. I’ll come and fetch you. Don’t say a word to your mum, all right? I’ll explain when I get there.”
“Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?”
“No, that’s all,” she said sweetly, but I could hear the edge of fear in her voice. I knew I had to move fast.
“See you soon, yeah?”
“Okay, Dad. Love you.”
“Love you too, Lils.” I heard her giggle as I hung up, but my hands were shaking. What could’ve happened? Sarah had always been a good mother. But something was clearly wrong. I grabbed my keys and headed straight for her place, determined to bring Lily home.
When I knocked on the door, a man I didn’t recognise answered. He looked at me with a mix of confusion and irritation.
“Can I help you?” he asked sharply.
“I’m here to pick up my daughter. Is Sarah in?”
“She’s just popped out to the shops, but Lily’s inside. Who are you?”
“James—Lily’s dad,” I said evenly. “And you are?”
The man’s jaw tightened. “Mark. Sarah’s partner. We’ve been together a few months now.”
I blinked, stunned. Sarah hadn’t mentioned a boyfriend, let alone one living with her. Why hadn’t Lily said anything? But this wasn’t the time for questions. I needed to get her out.
“Right. Well, Mark, I just remembered Lily’s got a dentist appointment next week, and there’s some prep we need to do for it,” I lied smoothly. “Must’ve slipped my mind to tell Sarah. I’ll bring her back later.”
Mark didn’t look convinced but didn’t argue. “Fine. I’ll let her know.”
“Cheers.” I stepped inside. Lily was curled up on the sofa, colouring quietly. Her face lit up when she saw me, but the relief in her eyes was unmistakable.
“Alright, love,” I said, keeping it breezy. “Time to get ready for the dentist, remember?”
Lily nodded, clutching her book. She didn’t speak as we left, but once we were in the car and driving away, I glanced over.
“You all right, sweetheart?”
At first, she nodded—then the dam broke, and she burst into tears. “Dad, Mark… Mark’s really mean when Mum isn’t there.”
My stomach lurched. “What do you mean, love?”
“He says I’m a nuisance and that I shouldn’t be around. He told me if I told Mum, she wouldn’t believe me because I’m just a kid. He said I should stay quiet and keep to my room.”
Rage burned through me. How dare this bloke, a stranger in my daughter’s life, speak to her like that?
“Lily, you did the right thing telling me. I’m so proud of you,” I said, forcing calm into my voice. “You won’t have to be around him if you don’t want to. I’ll sort this with your mum, okay?”
She nodded, wiping her eyes. “Okay, Dad.”
When we got home, I hugged her tight, reassuring her. Once she was settled with her favourite teddy, I called Sarah. She answered after a few rings.
“James? Mark said you picked up Lily?”
“Yeah. Something happened,” I said, barely keeping my anger in check. “Lily used our code word today, Sarah. She wanted to leave because Mark’s been saying awful things to her when you’re not around.”
A long silence. “What? That can’t be right—Mark wouldn’t—”
“He did, Sarah. Lily was in pieces by the time we got in the car. She’s scared of him and didn’t know how to tell you, so she told me the only way she could.”
“I… I had no idea. I’ll talk to him. This isn’t on.”
“No, it isn’t,” I agreed, my voice softening. “But the priority is Lily. She’s what matters here.”
“You’re right,” Sarah said, sounding gutted. “I’ll handle it. I promise.”
After hanging up, I slumped onto the sofa, drained. This wasn’t how I’d planned my weekend, but I was glad Lily trusted me enough to use our code. It made all the difference.
Right then, I decided Lily needed a mobile. I know screens can be a headache, but it’d give her a direct line to me.
Looking back, I realised just how vital a code word is for parents and kids. It gives them a lifeline when they can’t speak freely. But picking the right word is key.
First, steer clear of everyday words like “school” or “football”—you don’t want false alarms. Pick something unusual but easy to remember.
Second, if your kid’s older, a short phrase like “starry night” or “jumping fox” adds extra security. Make sure they can recall it even under stress.
Lastly, practise using it in different scenarios so they’re confident if the time comes.
Our ordeal was a sharp reminder of how a simple plan can be a lifesaver. I hope by sharing this, other parents might consider a code word with their kids. It could be the thing that keeps them safe.
*Note: This story is inspired by real events but has been fictionalised. Names, details, and circumstances have been changed for privacy and narrative purposes. Any resemblance to actual people or events is coincidental.*
