“Father, we need to have a serious talk!” Emily begins, addressing her fatherinlaw Paul as she steps into his farm in a Yorkshire village for a few hours. She watches Mary, her motherinlaw, warily.
“Forgive me, but I didn’t pull your son out of the village for nothing. I turned him from a useless city kid into something better. And now you want to turn my son Tommy back into a country bumpkin? I won’t let that happen!”
“What happened, Emily?” Mary asks, frightened. “Why are you saying that?”
“Because after spending the whole summer here with you, Tommy is not the boy he was before,” Emily says sharply. “He’s only eight, but after your village he has turned into some sort of lout, picking up bad habits!”
“Bad habits?” Paul looks at the nervous daughterinlaw. “Has he started smoking?”
“Smoking has nothing to do with it, Father! Of course he doesn’t smoke!”
“Then he doesn’t drink either What bad habits are you talking about?” Paul mutters.
“I’m talking about loutish habits! He now calls cars ‘horses”Mum, Dad, look at that gorgeous mare running past!’ It’s absurd!”
Paul just grunts, and Mary glances at him disapprovingly.
“Your wording, Paul” Mary says apologetically to Emily. “Don’t worry, dear. It’s not a swear word, it’s actually a term of endearment. A ‘mare’ is just a horse.”
“Mother, why are you saying that?” Emily snaps again. “Is this how a city boy should speak? I’m afraid he’ll start swearing. Since his summer here his vocabulary is full of strange phrases that make my skin crawl. He now says to his classmates, ‘I’ll grab you by the crankshaft!’ or ‘You’ll get a piece of my gearbox.’ What on earth does that mean? ‘I’ll wind you up on the camshaft’ It makes my hair stand on end. And he wrote in a school essay that he wants to be a tractor driver. That’s what you, Father, have taught him, isn’t it?”
“Me?” Paul forces a smile, trying to look guilty. “No, Emily, it’s not me. He just saw the farm machinery and let his imagination run wild. He’s still a city lad at heart. Don’t worry. He told his grandmother he wants to be a financier, maybe even a finance minister.”
“We hope he’ll become a financier,” Emily sighs. “But he What did he do recently?”
“What?” Mary asks, tense.
“We gave him £20 as pocket money, telling him he could buy himself a birthday present. He could get anything he wanted. So, what did he buy?”
Paul leans forward, curious. “What did he buy?”
“He bought some chainsor chain saws, I’m not sure. He said your chains, Father, are so dull they can’t be sharpened. And that next year he and you will go into the woods with those saws to cut firewood for the sauna. Is that true?”
“Oh dear” Mary sighs. “The child thinks up all sorts of ideas.”
“Exactly,” Paul says. “So instead of buying a present, he tried to help me. Emily, don’t worry about the cost. We’ll reimburse you to the penny. Just tell us how much he spent.”
“Money has nothing to do with it!” Emily shouts. “It’s not about the firewood or the ‘horses’ and tractors. He should focus on his studies, aim to be a top student and get straight into university.”
“You’re right, Emily,” Mary says, smiling. “Next summer we’ll bring the best books from the village librarymath, English, everything. We’ll sit with him under the apple tree all day and read. We’ll turn him into a top scholar.”
“Exactly,” Paul agrees. “Just bring him over, and we’ll make him the smartest kid in the world. He’ll outwit any village labourer with his knowledge. He already knows his times tables like a charm.”
“And he speaks so melodiously,” Mary adds, teasing Paul. “All the village grandmothers swoon over him. They say, ‘Emily, you’re such a proper mother.'”
“Is that so?” Emily asks skeptically. “What makes me a proper mother?”
“Bringing him here for the summer,” Mary replies. “A child this age should eat fresh, natural food, breathe clean country air, bathe in a clear rivernot some chlorinated pool. Did he tell you he learned to swim almost like a fish?”
“Yes, he mentioned it,” Emily nods, finally smiling.
“He also rides his bike here without fearing a tipover lorry at a corner. He’s no longer scared of bees or dogs, and his allergies have eased.”
“Indeed,” Emily agrees. “We hardly need to take him to the clinic any more.”
“In a year you’ll forget the word ‘almost’,” Paul jokes. “So, Emily, dont fear that well ruin him. On the contrary, he’ll gain enough health here to last a lifetime. Healthboth physical and moralis what matters most.”
“Alright then” Emily finally concedes. “You’ve calmed me a bit.”
When Emily drives away, Mary looks at Paul and asks, “Do you think they’ll bring Tommy back next summer?”
“They will, where else can they go?” Paul answers uncertainly. “Good thing Emily didnt peek in the shed. Otherwise she’d have seen the tractor I’m assembling for Tommy and would have lost her mind. But it’s fine. Everything will be alright. He’s already picked up the word ‘mare’just like I did as a child. I remember everything my grandfather said stuck with me instantly.”
