The Curious Letters of a Husband
I remember how that morning began in our little London flat, when Eleanor and Thomas overslept. The alarm had failed to rouse them, and so the entire household was in chaosboth adults frantically darting about, preparing for work and trying to dress their son, William, for nursery.
Love, can you collect William this afternoon? Eleanor called from the bedroom, wriggling into her trousers while attempting to stuff a change of clothes and a favourite toy into the nursery rucksack.
All right! Thomas shouted back. Where on earth are my keys?
I havent seen them! Eleanor snapped, tearing through drawers for her mobile. At last, with her phone in hand, she scurried to dress little William, who was entirely oblivious to the pandemonium, happily chugging his toy car across the rug.
They reached the nursery in record time, Eleanor urging William through the cloakroom. Of course, the zip on his jacket caught fast just as she tried to undress him. She glanced at William, whos chin had started to quiver.
Mummy, I dont want to stay at nursery he whimpered, brow furrowing, tiny hands balled into fists.
Darling, please, not now. Were in a dreadful rush! Eleanor struggled to keep her voice steady, crouched beside him, stroking his hair. Youll have fun, I promise! Your friends are all here, therell be stories and painting
But her assurances fell on deaf ears. William wouldnt budge, growing more fretful by the moment. Fortunately, his keyworker appeared, offering Eleanor a gentle, knowing smile as she took Williams hand.
No worries, Mrs. Sanders, the young woman said warmly. Hell be fine. William, come along, your friends are waiting.
Relief was fleeting; as soon as Eleanor left the nursery, fresh waves of stress threatened to drown her. She checked her watch: hopelessly late. Muttering under her breath, she fished in her bag for her phone to call her client and explain, butwhere was her number? Peering at the phone, Eleanor realised, aghast, shed grabbed Thomass mobile in the morning scramble. Cursed matching phone cases, cursed matching passwords.
Brilliant… she grumbled, frantically considering her next moveshe must ring Thomas and ask him to forward her clients details immediately.
Just then, the phone vibrated in her hand and a message flashed up. Eleanor glanced at the notification:
Dave: So, what about that woman from the gym? Did she give you her number?
Eleanor froze. She reread the notification, scarcely believing her eyes. Heart thrumming, she opened the chat to make sense of what shed seen.
Dave: So, did you manage it thendid she trust you?
Thomas: Yep, she gave me her number. Were meeting at mine this weekend.
Eleanor stared at her husbands words, stunned. This weekend? She remembered she was to take William to her mothers and stay overnight.
Oh no, she whispered, her chest tightening. If only I hadnt seen this. Damn those cases
In the days that followed, Eleanor managed to maintain a facade, though every interaction with Thomas felt like a trial. There were three days left before the weekend, but her mind spun into overdrive, replaying those cryptic messages. She desperately wanted to believe it was a misunderstanding, that shed read something into nothingbut Thomass words echoed in her mind: This weekend. At mine.
Thomas, for his part, seemed utterly unaware: kind, affectionate, always helpful, inquiring after her day, lending a hand with tea, even tenderly tucking William up at night. Eleanor searched his eyes for a flicker of guilt, a signanythingbut saw only unconditional cheerfulness, which frightened her all the more.
On Wednesday, they watched a film together as usual. Thomas draped an arm about her shoulders, and Eleanor almost broke down, but bit her lip and fought back tears. In his embrace she felt utterly exposed, as if her world might unravel at any moment. Each gesture, each word, seemed to ring hollow.
Friday night, after William was asleep, Eleanor stood at the kitchen sink, running her fingers through the running water, lost in thought. Thomas crept up behind her, wrapping his arms gently round her waist and whispered,
Youre so quiet tonight. Is everything all right?
She froze, a chill running down her spine.
Im fine, she said, forcing a smile. Just tired, I suppose.
I understand, he murmured, kissing the top of her head.
That night, when Thomas had fallen asleep, Eleanor slipped out quietly and locked herself in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bath as she let her silent sobs take over.
Why? she whispered, crying into her hands. Why must it be like this?
She asked herself the same fruitless question again and again, no answer coming, thoughts tumbling over one another.
How could he? What do I do nowtell him, walk away? The ache in her chest seemed unbearable, her mind torn between fear, indignation, and a desperate wish to forget.
Yet, she knew there was only one thing required of her by the morning: to put her mask back on, to do what was necessary as the day unfolded and the truth was sure to emerge.
Saturday, Eleanor took William to her mothers in the suburbs. The weight in her heart made every step an effort. Her mother immediately sensed her distress.
Ellie, are you quite all right? she asked, meeting her at the door.
Eleanor forced a bright smile, though her voice sounded jarringly light, unnatural. Yes, mum, all fine. In a hurryhoping to surprise Thomas. She kissed William hurriedly and left with a heavy heart, not daring to look back for fear she might lose her nerve.
The drive home was a misery. Thoughts whirled: Perhaps he just wanted to meet Dave. Maybe the woman wont go. Maybe Ive misread everything. Part of her wanted to catch him in the act, to see for herself, while another part longed for her suspicions to be proved nonsense, to close her eyes and pretend shed seen nothing, to carry on.
Eleanor pulled up outside the house but didnt get out straight away. She sat there, paralyzed by the memory of happier timesThomass laughter in the kitchen, the three of them in the park, their evenings curled up on the sofa. Their family had seemed so strong and secure, and now, sitting outside, she clung to the last threads of that happiness, prolonging the inevitable.
At length, she forced herself out of the car and up the steps, the keys clattering in her trembling hands. She unlocked the door, heart hammering, scarcely able to breathe. The house was quiet, save for the soft glow of a lamp in the kitchen and the unmistakable sound of conversation: laughter, then whispered voices. Her stomach lurched.
Thats it, she thought. Its true.
Dizzy, she walked stiffly down the hallway, barely conscious of her own movement. Each step was an act of will. She had to see with her own eyes. Her heart pounded so hard she felt sure it would betray her.
Thomas? she murmured, her voice brittle and strange.
She tried again, louder: Tom?
Still no reply. She stepped into the kitchenwhere she saw two people: a man and a woman. The man was not Thomas, but Dave, Thomass oldest friend. Eleanor stopped short in confusion. Dave sprang to his feet, flustered and apologetic.
Eleanor! Pleaseits not what it looks like HonestlyI couldnt very well take her round to my mothers, could I? You know what shes likecome on, Eleanor!
But she barely listened, staring blankly. A dull ringing filled her ears. Tears spilled down her face, crookedly, yet to her astonishment, she found she was smiling at the absurdity of it all.
I understand, Dave, she managed quietly, emotions catching in her throat. Im off.
She turned and let herself out, cool morning air biting at her cheeks, her mind a jumble. Fumbling for her phone, she dialled Thomas with trembling fingers.
Hello? His voice sounded in her ear, but she could hardly form words, overcome by a strange, breathless laughter and a torrent of tears.
I love you, she blurted, I love you terribly
Everythingthe suspicion, the dread, the fearburst out of her in one confused rush. At last she managed, in a whisper:
I was at home Dave was there.
I see Sorry, dont be cross, I beg you. Im at the officewill you come? Please dont be angry, my love You know what Daves like. Youll come, wont you?
Im coming
Barely hanging up, Eleanor rushed to the car, desperate to see her husband, to fall into his arms.
That evening, Eleanor and Thomas sat on the floor of an empty conference room in his City office, a bottle of red between them. Eleanor rested her head on Thomass shoulder, turning her empty wine glass in her hands.
Im sorry, she said quietly. I truly wasnt snoopingI never have before
No, Im sorry for dragging you into this foolish mess. I should have just told you straight away.
Why on earth was he asking you for help?
Because hes my oldest mate. Because, the day before, he made an utter fool of himself with that woman
How?
He ran straight into her and doused her in an energy drinkruined a perfectly nice white suit, the girl looked a fright. After that, he lost his nerve completely: I cant! Im terrified! Tom, help me!like a schoolboy.
Thomas mimicked his friends panicked squeak and Eleanor burst out laughing.
Hes hopeless, poor devil. So I pocketed her number for him, talked her round, made a joke or twovoilà.
So why bring her to our house? He could have booked a hotel
You remember why hes still living with his mum, dont you?
Because he wont waste a penny on rentand she still fusses over his laundry and cooks his meals
Exactly, Thomas said, giving her a meaningful look.
Hes such a skinflint! Eleanor cackled.
Weve been friends for twenty years, since we were toddlers. I think Im the only one hell show that side to
Youre a real friend, Tom, Ill give you that!
Eleanor grinned, shaking her head.
But if theyre still at ours noware we seriously supposed to sleep in your office? Id rather not go home just yet Let him do the cleaning, for once.
Thomas planted a kiss on her lips.
Im not as tight-fisted as he is. We deserve a proper romantic evening.
Truly? Shall we go to a hotel?
Thomas nodded, then, with sudden mischief, stood up and swept Eleanor over his shoulder. She shrieked with laughter and wriggled, but he wouldnt let her down.
I promise, Ill see you safe and sound!
Eleanor laughed so hard, she could scarcely breathe. Only hours before, shed been mourning her marriageand now all she could do was laugh and hold him close.
