The In-Laws Took Offence at Not Being Allowed to Stay Overnight in My One-Bedroom Flat

15November

Today the whole flat turned into a battlefield over a simple nightover. I never imagined Aunt Vera could cause such a storm, but here we are.

Poppy was in the kitchen, ladle in hand, steam curling up from the pot and settling on the glossy cabinets. She stared at me over the tiny kitchen table, fiddling with her fork as if she could carve an excuse out of it.

Oliver, youve got to be joking, she said, eyes wide. Tell me this is some prank and youll be laughing in a minute. Please.

Shed meant to stir the soup, but her attention was glued to me. Aunt Vera had called earlier, announcing, Weve booked tickets to London, were taking the grandchild to the doctor and, while were at it, well have a look around the city. I couldnt possibly tell my own aunt, Dont come, without feeling like a miser.

Poppys voice cut through the clatter of metal as she set the ladle back down. And whats reasonable about cramming three people into a thirtythreesquaremetre flat? Thirtythree! Including the balcony, where we keep the paint tins and the old garden tools!

Our flat is a classic onebedroom, the one I bought before we married, pouring all my savings and five years of tight budgeting into it. I love it fiercely; every inch is maximised: a pullout sofa bed, floortoceiling wardrobes, a cosy kitchen that doubles as a living area. Its perfect for a couple, maybe a third person if they respect the space and dont scatter socks everywhere.

Well be here only three days, I tried, looking for a compromise. Well manage. It wont be a disaster.

What about manage? Poppy asked, her hands clasped in front of her. Who exactly are they?

Aunt Vera, Uncle Peter and Sophie with the little one.

Poppys face went ashen. She flopped into the chair opposite me, the robe slipping off her shoulders.

Four people? Oliver, are you out of your mind? Aunt Vera is, lets say, robust. Uncle Peter smokes like a chimney and snores so loudly the walls shake. Sophie is their thirtyyearold daughter, and the little one is already five and, by your own description, a wrecking ball. And you want to stuff that lot into our flat? Where will we sleep? On the chandelier?

I tried to soften it. We could put an inflatable mattress in the kitchen and give them the spare room. The kid needs a routine, after all.

Poppy burst into hysterical laughter. In the kitchen? The kitchen is barely five square metres, just enough for a table and two chairs. Do you expect us to tuck our feet into the oven?

I cant refuse them, I protested. My mother will be offended if we turn them away. Theyre bringing sausages, pickles

I dont eat sausage, Oliver! And the pickles we have are on sale at the supermarket! No, I wont let them stay the night. They can have tea, they can have dinner, but they must find a hotel.

They have no money for a hotel, Poppy snapped. Theyre from the countryside, prices here are astronomical for them. Have some empathy!

What empathy? I work all week. Tomorrow is my only day off, and I was looking forward to a long bath and a good nights sleep. Instead you want me to share the floor with Uncle Peters snoring? No. Call them and say the pipe burst, weve got the plague, weve been evictedanything but that they actually sleep here.

I sighed heavily, pushing my plate away, and looked at Poppy with the sadness of a dog whose master has just been told to stay quiet.

Theyre already on the train. I promised to meet them at the station tomorrow morning, I said. I cant just cancel that.

She stared at me, knowing I wouldnt pick up the phone. Its easier for me to endure the inconvenience than to say a firm no to family. Thats always been my problemtrying to be good to everyone except the people I live with.

Fine, Poppy said, voice as cold as ice. Youll meet them. But I wont move a finger to make sleeping arrangements. If they think Ill spend three days cooking for a herd, theyre very wrong.

The night was restless. I could hear Poppy turning over, picturing our immaculate, white flat turned upside down by an invading clan. In the morning, I left for the station while she stayed home, preparing herself for the onslaught. She skipped the traditional Olivey salads and pies; instead she brewed tea, toasted bread and settled with a book, making it clear the day was under her control.

The intercom buzzed like an alarm. Poppy answered cautiously.

Its us! Open up! shouted a voice that sounded more like a lottery win than a family arrival.

Within minutes, the hallway erupted with noise, laughter and the clatter of heavy luggage. The front door burst open and a crowd poured in.

First came Aunt Vera, a towering woman in a floral dress, dragging a wheeled suitcase that left a greasy trail on the polished floor.

Oh, Poppy dear! Look at you, all thin and delicate! The city must have drained you dry! No worries, well feast! she exclaimed, reeking of train air, cheap ham and a fragrance that reminded me of massproduced lilies.

Uncle Peter followed, a massive bloke shouldering a sack that peeked out with what looked like a pork hock.

Hello, landlady! Wheres the meat? he grunted, shaking ash from his cigarettethank heavens hed put it out before entering, but the smell clung to his coat like a second skin.

Sophie arrived next, a tiredlooking woman with pursed lips, clutching a fiveyearold boy who bolted straight for the bedroom, shouting, Where are the cartoons?! in a shrill voice.

Stop! Poppy shouted, but the kids muddy trainers were already grinding into her plush carpet.

Its just a child, Sophie waved off, tossing her shoes in the hallway as if they were optional. Do you not have a spare pair? Weve been travelling all day, all sweaty.

Our hallway, designed for two, instantly resembled a rushhour tube stationbags, suitcases, people all jostling. A sudden wave of claustrophobia hit Poppy, a feeling shed never known.

Please, just shoes on the rack, coats in the wardrobe, she managed, trying to keep some courtesy.

Aunt Vera ignored her, marching into the kitchen. What a tiny kitchen! How on earth do you cook in that? Two hosts cant even turn around!

She plonked her suitcase onto the dining table.

Could you move that, please? Poppy demanded, stepping forward. Thats a dining table.

Its clean, I just set it on the train floor, there was a newspaper underneath! Vera huffed, moving the bag to a chair. Now, lets eat! The men are hungry, weve only had tea since we left the station. Oliver said youre expecting us.

I stood in the doorway, trying to become invisible.

We have a kettle ready, some sandwiches. I didnt make a full lunch because I thought youd probably want to freshen up first, maybe take a shower, and then wed decide where to eat, Poppy said, trying to sound calm.

A heavy silence fell. Aunt Veras arms crossed.

What do you mean where to eat? Arent we at your home? In the countryside wed never leave a guest with an empty table! she snapped. In our village the guest is king!

We usually give a headsup before visiting and ask if its convenient for the hosts, Poppy replied, her patience fraying.

We did! We told Oliver! Uncle Peter interjected, already rummaging through the fridge. Ah, a nice cold brew! Is that yours, Oliver?

Its mine, I muttered.

Cheers! he roared, cracking open a can of beer with a loud hiss and taking a massive gulp.

Poppy closed her eyes, counted to ten, but the din kept rising.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me be clear, she announced loudly. Our flat is tiny. One sofa bed, two of us, four of you. There is nowhere for you to sleep here.

How could there be no space? Sophie asked, looking around. The sofa is big enough for all of us. Dad can use the armchair on the balcony. You could even put an air mattress on the floor.

The suggestion hit Poppy like a sledgehammer. It was as if they were planning to reassign the very space that belonged to us.

No, she said firmly. The sofa is our sleeping place. I will not give it up.

Aunt Vera exploded, Look at her! Shes a selfish little thing! We helped your brother in the army, sent parcels, now you wont even let us in the doorway?

Uncle, calm down, I tried, but she snarled, Your wife doesnt respect us, and you just stand there like a lapdog! This is our flat, we have a right to it!

Its my flat, Poppy said, voice steady. I bought it before we married, I pay the mortgage. Oliver lives here because hes my husband, not because its his to decide. That doesnt give you licence to turn it into a hostel.

The room fell into shocked silence. Uncle Peter stopped drinking, Sophie halted her foottapping, and Aunt Veras face turned beetred.

Ah, so youll turn us away? Out on the street? she hissed. Well have to find a hotel or a hostel. I can give you a list of cheap placestheres a decent one two blocks away and a budget hotel called Sunrise not far off.

Sophie spat, We saved money for the doctors appointments, not for a hotel! Are you trying to starve the child?

I just want order and peace in my home, Poppy retorted. If youre coming to London for treatment, you should have arranged accommodation. You cant expect me to shelter you.

Aunt Vera roared, Youve sold us for a cheap nightdress! Youre a traitor! Well leave, but youll hear from my mother!

She turned, spat on the rug, and stormed out, dragging her suitcase. Uncle Peter followed, sloshing a halfempty beer can onto the polished sideboard as he left. Sophie clutched Tommy, who sobbed, Why are they kicking us out?

The flat fell silent, the only sound the faint clatter of a broken vase that Tommy had knocked over while exploring the shelves. The shards glittered on the carpet like tiny stars.

I stared at the ruin of my favourite Italian vase, the last thing Id brought home from a trip abroad. It felt symbolic.

Enough, I said, voice shaking with anger. Collect your things and go. Ill give you the address of a hostel if you need it. My home is not a public shelter.

Poppy handed me a piece of paper with the details. I slipped it to my wife and watched as she folded it carefully.

Later, as the door slammed shut, the telephone rang incessantlymy mother, my sister, Aunt Vera calling again, each demanding an explanation. I let the calls go to voicemail, my hands trembling.

I cleaned the carpet, swept up the broken glass, aired out the lingering smell of tobacco and cheap perfume. I took a long shower, slipped into my favourite pajamas and finally lay on the sofa that had survived the ordeal.

Even though the night had left a sour taste, there was a quiet satisfaction in knowing I had defended my boundaries. I realised that a home is not a place to be endlessly compromised for the sake of polite obligation.

Lesson learned: love your family, but protect the space you share with the one you love. If you give in every time, you lose the very peace that makes a house a home.

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The In-Laws Took Offence at Not Being Allowed to Stay Overnight in My One-Bedroom Flat