**The Gaze of Green Eyes from the Past**
James woke just before dawn and thought:
*Blimey, its been ages since I slept this welland where? In a haystack out in the field, no comforts, no warm duvet. Not that I needed one, with summers warmth and the sweet, earthy scent of hay all around.*
He sat up, brushing the hay away. His mind felt clearno lingering sadness over the split with his wife, no regrets. Had he ever truly loved her? The question settled heavily.
*So, were those ten years together just an illusion of married life? We got on well enough, I suppose, but never had kids. Sarah had a daughter, thoughclaimed she didnt even know who the father was. Had her just for herself.*
James had always sensed something forced in Sarahs affection. Theyd rowed often. After every fight, his mind would drift back to the soft green eyes and sweet smile of Nurse Emily, whod tended to him in hospitalchanging drips, giving injections. Hed been wounded back then, during his service in Afghanistan.
Sitting in the hay, James smiled, remembering Emilyher soothing voice, those emerald eyes, her thick chestnut hair. Hed never seen eyes like hers since. Hed always believed it was her who helped him endure the pain.
The day he was discharged, hed picked a bunch of wildflowers and gone to find her, ready to ask her to come home with him. He knew it wouldnt be simple, but he had to try.
*Emilys not here,* another nurse told him. *Transferred to another field hospital.*
*Where?* hed asked.
*No idea. And even if I knew, I couldnt say. You understand where we are*
Devastated, hed resolved to find her. But how, with only a name and the memory of her eyes? Hed had no choice but to return home, medically discharged. Nothing had changed therehis father still drank, his mother still worked herself ragged, scolding her husband between shifts.
Then one day, his old mate Dave turned up. Theyd served together, seen hell side by side.
*Alright, Jim?* Dave clapped him on the back. *Hows the leg holding up?*
*Not bad,* James shrugged.
*Why not come down to my village? Nothing for you hereno work, no future. Unless theres someone keeping you?* Dave winked.
*No one. Just cant forget Emily.*
*Mate, she really got under your skin, didnt she? But you cant give up. Keep looking.*
So James went with Dave, the one person who truly understood him. Time passed. He bought a tiny, rundown cottage, fixed it up, made it livable. Meanwhile, Dave fell in love and moved to the nearest town with his wife, Claire.
*Sorry for dragging you out here just to leave you,* Dave said sheepishly. *Didnt expect to meet Claire. But well still see each other.*
*Dont worry about it,* James grinned. *Besides, I might be settling down too. Proposed to Sarah.*
Now, standing in the fields, the memory of yesterdays row snapped him back to the present. Sarahs venomous words still echoed:
*Youll never find another woman like meone wholl put up with you this long. No one else will tolerate your moods. And anyway, theres a proper bloke who actually loves me. I go to him now.*
She called his quiet spells *moods*those times he withdrew into himself, haunted by the past. Shed needle him, demand he snap out of it, and thats when the shouting started. He never understood why his memories bothered her so muchhed never even shared them.
Yesterday, shed finally admitted what hed long suspected. He listened in silence, packed his bag, and left as her curses chased him out.
*Funny,* he mused. *I thought Id rage, scream, blame her. But I didnt. Im just relieved.*
Hed walked out of the village as evening fell, veered into the fields, and burrowed into a haystack to sleep. Tomorrow, hed head to town, to Dave. His mate would understand.
For the first time in months, James felt light, as if a weight had lifted. *Tomorrows another day. For now, I rest.*
He lay back, using his bag as a pillow, but sleep didnt come quickly. The stars blinked awake overhead, and unwelcome memories crept in. His handthe one the doctors had nearly given up ontwitched faintly, an old ache flaring. He forced his thoughts elsewhere.
He remembered meeting Sarahbright, lively, full of hope. Shed been three years older, convinced him happiness was still possible. He never asked about her past or her daughters father. He just trusted, tried to love her. Hed believed theyd grow old together.
But hed failed her. Shed grown impatient with his quiet spells, his need to be alone with the ghosts of war.
Thoughts tumbled in his head until, finally, he sleptdeep and dreamless, lulled by the hays warmth. When he woke, Emilys green eyes filled his mind. *Why now?* Not that hed ever forgotten.
*Right. Time to move.* He clambered from the haystack, trudged to the road, caught a bus to town. At a shop, he bought a bottle of wine and a box of chocolatesDave never touched spirits, and Claire had a sweet tooth.
At their flat, he rang the bell. Dave answered, tugging up his joggers mid-step.
*Jim! Bloody hell, mate, come in!* He pulled James into a bear hug. Peering past him, Dave frowned. *You alone?*
Jamess silence said enough.
*Alright, kitchens this way. Claire! Look whos here!*
Seven-year-old Danny barrelled into the hall, clinging to Jamess leg. *Its good to be wanted,* he thought.
Over breakfast, James handed over the wine, a giant chocolate bar for Danny, and the sweets for Clairenow visibly pregnant.
*Wait, are you?*
Claire laughed. *Due in November.*
*Brilliant,* James grinned.
*About time we had some luck,* Dave said, slapping his shoulder. *Didnt expect this, but here we arehaving a girl.*
*Youre not old yet,* James joked.
*Says you,* Claire teased. *Past thirty and still footloose.* James just shrugged.
They talked for hourslaughter, old war stories, the occasional sombre pause. Claire kept shooting Dave pointed looks, until finally she blurted:
*Right, thats it. Dave, youre hopeless.* She turned to James. *Weve been meaning to tell you, but well, we found her. Emily.*
James went very still. His throat dried; he drained his water glass.
*Didnt want to stir things up,* Dave admitted. *Thought you and Sarah were solid. But now well, Emily wrote to us. Shes alive, safeliving in a village up north. Claires been searching for ages.*
Claire leaned in. *Jim, shes alone. Asked about you. Said she never met another man like youthats why she never married. Shes still waiting.*
By the time he boarded the train, James had calmed. The countryside blurred past the window. In his hand, Emilys lettermemorised word for word. She loved him. Hed never doubted that.
Now, he was finally going to her.
