The Brownie
“Matthew, was it you who tidied up the garden?” Alison tapped her son’s shoulder.
The boy jumped, pulling off his headphones. The monsters on his computer screen continued brawling, but Matthew no longer paid them any mind.
“What, Mum?”
“I asked, did you get home from school a while ago?”
“Just now.”
“So, who tidied up outside then?”
“How should I know? Maybe Pippa did?”
Alison smiled. Her three-year-old daughter was certainly a little go-getter, but a garden miracle worker she was notnot yet, anyway.
“Dont be daft!”
“Mustve been a brownie!”
“Right, of course! You and your tall tales! Go run over to Nans and bring Pippa home, will you? Shes been there for ages. Ill get dinner started. Are you hungry?”
“Starving! The lads and I had buns at break, but that was after the second lesson. Mum, when will we get the early shift at school again?”
“Ive no idea, love. Theyre keeping silent on the matter. Too many pupils.”
“Oh well. At least I get a lie-in.” As always, Matthew tried to find the silver lining.
Alison kissed the crown of his head and ruffled his ear, just as he ducked away from her affection, before heading to the kitchen.
Teenagers…
Thirteen years old and already thinks hes grown. Yet, every time Alisons lips touched his hairdark and coarse, just like his dadshe froze with that old, childlike awkwardness.
Her children couldnt have been more different. Matthew was dark-haired, blue-eyed, and tall, the spitting image of his father, Sam. Not just in looks, either. His personality was just starting to show, but Alison could already see the similarities. Stubborn, responsible, kind… Maybe he didnt tidy the garden, but hed certainly washed up, and the newly mopped kitchen floor still gleamed slightly damp. Where else would you find such a helper? Unless Pippa grows up just like him.
Pippa was Alisons little miracle. Almost ten years of waiting, and the faintest glimmer of hope. Complications after her first childbirth had nearly robbed Alison of even that small chance. But a sliver of hope had been enough for her and Sams girl to arrive. Blonde, with wispy curls and eyes as deep a blue as Matthews, shed taken after Alisongentle as a kitten, always nestling up to her mother or brother.
“Pip, are you alright?”
Her toddlers smile could light up the entire room. No one else in the world could smile quite like her daughter. Alison was certain of that. Now, no one…
That smile both gladdened and pained Alison. It was her fathers smile. Sams. And he was gone…
Alison wanted to howl with grief, but she could not. Not with the children so near.
Her husband had been a firefightera rescuer. Hed saved a family from a burning cottage: father, mother, three children. Went back for their grandmother, who refused to leave to save the animals. But it was too late. The fire closed in.
Alison knew Sam was gone before anyone told her. Her heart clenched and ached, warning her of disaster. Shed handed a fussing Pippa to her mother-in-law, Doreen, whod come for a few days to help with the baby, exclaiming:
“Mum, take her! I need to make a call!”
Then shed sped down the motorway to the fire station in the next town, barely conscious of the milk soaking her shirt or the cramps tightening her hands.
How did she hold it together? How didnt she break?
The children kept her afloat. Matthew never left her side for a moment.
“Matthew, let me put you to bed,” Doreen, Alisons mother-in-law, could barely stand herself, but didnt leave Alisons side. She practically forced her to eat, bringing Pippa for feeds.
“Ill stay with Mum!” Matthew would shake his head, pressing Alisons hand to his cheek. “Nan, why are her hands so cold?”
Alison remembered it all only in fragments. Like packing up their things, hurriedly stuffing toys and baby clothes into bags.
“I cant stay here any longer I keep thinking Sam will burst through the door and shout, like always, Im home!”
“Of course, love. Well go to mine. Youll stay until youre ready to think what next.”
“No. I dont want that either Sorry. That place is full of his memories too. It hurts too much Ill take the old cottagemy grans place.”
“Alison, its been empty for years! You cant take the children there!”
“Itll be fine. Well tidy up. And youre close byI cant do it without you.”
“Of course Ill help! Youre all I have too”
“Please, Mum, dont I cant take it Well both start crying again, and weve so much to do. Keep an eye on Pippa. Ill finish packing. And please, feed Matthew. He hardly eats, only sits with me at the table, and Ive no appetite at all.”
“You mustnt go on like that!” Doreens voice cut through, stern. “Youre a mother! If youre alright, so will they be. But if you wear yourself away, what will happen to them? Alison, I cant look after them all alone at my age and health. Look after yourself!”
Alison clasped her mother-in-laws hands, kissed them quickly, and got back to packing. She just had to run! As far away as possible! The happiness that once filled their small flat was irretrievable, and to walk these rooms that remembered it, breathed it, was unbearable
The cottage greeted her coldly. She only had herself to blame. Shed left it for her new life and forgotten. Never visited.
Alison ran her fingers along the walls, brushed dust off her grans old sideboardstill covered by her hand-stitched clothand threw the windows open to the bracing autumn air.
“Mum, take the kids to yours for now. Ill come and feed Pippa later.”
“Youll be alright on your own?”
“Of course…”
But Alison didnt stay alone for long. Half an hour later, the door rattled and Sarah appeared. Her old friend from school.
“You couldve called, you know! Where are the cleaning rags?”
Sarah was always the practical sort: talkative, laughter bubbling over, but when it came to her own, shed move mountains.
Alison wiped soap suds from her hands and hugged her awkwardly.
“Hi…”
“Hi! Where are the kids?”
“With Mum.”
“Right, then lets get cracking! Or are you staying at hers tonight?”
“NoI want to sleep here.”
“Well, what are we waiting for?”
Sarah pulled from the hug and eyed the washing bucket.
“Sarah!” Alison gasped.
“What? Oh, that Yes! Just how it is.”
“When?”
“February. Why the fuss? Im pregnant, not ill.”
“Whose?”
“As if you dont know!” Sarah grabbed a cloth and got scrubbing the windowsill. “Ugh! What a mess!”
“Greg? But he”
“Ran off, yep. Looks like Ill be a single mum. Well talk later, OK? All in good time.”
“Will he come back?”
“Greg? No. Values his freedom more. Thats his choice. But Ill have a son, Alison. Or a daughter…”
“They havent told you yet?”
“Nope, hiding. What does it matter? Its my baby, Alison. Can you imagine? Mine!”
Alison knew what that meant to Sarah. Shed split from her first husband, Mark, because she “couldn’t have kids”at least, that was the accusation. Marks family had all turned on her. Plenty of pity for Mark and none for Sarah.
“Tough luck, Mark. Pretty wife, shame shes not the real deal.”
Sarah wept into her pillow at first, tried to defend herself. Then shed had enough and left. Mark remarried almost immediately, and it turned out the issue lay with him, not her. His new wife insisted on tests; eventually they had a son and a daughter.
Sarah had been glad for Mark, forgiving the past, even grateful things had ended as they had. After all, if she hadn’t divorced Mark, she wouldnt have started anew, wouldnt now have the little, hard-won happiness growing in her bellyno matter that Greg had run off the moment he found out. She was no longer the timid girl who lowered her eyes whenever someone sneered.
They cleaned until evening. It was worth itthe house seemed to come alive, blinking its peeling shutters, muttering as it woke, full of new life.
Sarah, exhausted yet pleased, slumped at the table, watching Alison brew tea pensively.
How quickly time goes by
Wasnt it only yesterday theyd run to the old cottage, snatching fresh scones and racing off to the river, Alisons gran calling after them:
“Little rascals! Why cant you just eat like proper people?!”
Without missing a beat, theyd wave and shout:
“In an hour!”
That “hour” stretched till evening. When gran was found in the garden, the girls would silently grab their hoes and start helping. No chance one woman could manage all that, working full-time at the farm too.
Gran had a big household, no choiceshe had to raise her granddaughter. Alisons mum died in childbirth, and her dad, overwhelmed by grief, moved to the city. So, gran stepped up, raising Alison as her own. When Dad had another child with his new wife, gran took Alison to the city, but they didnt stay long. Three-year-old Alison never really understood why gran suddenly packed to go home, or why she spent the train ride silent, stroking her granddaughters hair.
Gran passed when Alison was just turning eighteen, during the rush of falling for Sam. She hadnt noticed how frail gran had grown. Alison only woke to reality the night she heard grans low moan.
“Gran, are you okay?”
They only had three months left together. Three months to say everything that mattered never enough.
But gran had one last important thing to do. She called Sams mum to her bedsidewhen no longer able to get upand, sending Alison out, spoke with her for ages. Alison never found out what was said, but from that day, she had a mother.
Shed started calling Doreen Mum even before the wedding.
“May I?” her voice was hesitant, and Alison sighed with relief at the nod she received.
She could never confess just how much shed yearned to call someone that. Shed never been one for heart-to-hearts, except with gran. But now there was Doreen, watching her with the same kind eyes.
Alison never so much as contemplated arguing with her mother-in-lawwhy would she? All she had received from Doreen was kindness. If she gave advice, it was always gentle, never bossy or cold. Why fight? Wasnt it rare to find someone whos family by spirit, not just by law? Alison knew the worth of that.
From her own family, Alison learnt blood meant little. After gran died, a whole delegation turned up from the cityher dad, stepmum, and the stepmums mother.
“Nice house. Solid. Could fetch a good price.”
The loud, overbearing woman Alison had never met paraded round the garden, shaking her head.
“All so neglected! Needs tidyingyou know buyers love it looking neat.”
“Which buyers?” Alison finally snapped, starting to shake.
Shed been in a daze since the funeral. Nibbling at food when Doreen forced her, aimlessly tidying the house, but dropping brooms, buckets, standing frozenlistening, hoping it was all a dream, and gran would emerge from the kitchen, shooing the wasps from the jam, grumbling:
“Had your run? Come, wash the jarsweve got winter to prepare for!”
“Which buyers?” The step-grandmother shrugged, the thin strap of her dress slipping from her tanned shoulder, exposing pale skinit made Alison feel sick. “The ones wholl buy the house!”
Alison said nothing. She fled round the shed, hand clamped over her mouth. When she returned, Doreen had arrived.
“Off you go, all of you. Now!”
“And who are you to order us about?”
“The house belongs to Alison. She has the deed. All legal. I helped with the paperwork. Youve no business herecoming to rob an orphan!”
The storm that broke out in the garden didnt touch Alison. Doreen grabbed her hand and was soon tucking her into the spare bed, peeling off her dirty shirt.
“Dont cry. No one will hurt you, I promised your gran. Here, have my dressing gown, its clean. Lie down. Ill bring you some tea. Rest first, then well talk.”
Alison next saw her father at her wedding.
She hadnt sent him an invitehed come by himself.
The youngsters were having a laugh, teasing Sam, while Alison giggled at her new husband fumbling to swaddle an enormous doll. Someone tapped her shoulder, and she turned, still laughing.
“Hello, daughter”
Alison was so startled she didnt know what to say. Her dad took her hand, pressed a set of keys into her palm, and closed her fingers around them.
“Forgive me. Doreen has the paperwork. Shell explain everything. Be happy!”
He turned and walked out of the reception hall.
The flat he gave Alison was small, but cosytwo rooms and a spacious kitchen. Alison drifted through, confused. Why move here, away from grans house?
“Youll find it handier here, love. Towns better for youmore opportunities, youve got to keep learning.
Doreen, after examining every corner, sat in the kitchen, more pleased than ever. Shed managed to persuade Alisons dad to do the right thing for his grown-up daughter. He hadnt raised her, hadnt cared, but at least this was something. He had just enough conscience for that, thank goodness.
“Got to make the most of it. When, though?” Alison smiled a bit.
“Whats this?”
“Nothing… Early days yet. I havent told Sam. ”
“Ill help. Go apply. Youre cleveryou shouldnt waste that brain of yours.”
Alison completed her degree. It was hard, but Doreen helped with everythinglooked after Matthew, provided food when times were lean.
Things got easier when Alison found work and Matthew went to nursery.
“Were off to the seaside!” Sam, sporting earplugs, laughed as the kids squealed in delight.
It was their firstand onlyholiday by the sea. Alison and Sam raced each other in the surf, glancing to shore where Matthew built sandcastles under Nans watchful eye. In the evenings, theyd stroll the pier as the sky darkened and stars unfolded overhead.
One evening, Sam stayed on the beach to take their son on the carousel while Alison and Doreen wandered slowly down the pier, chatting.
At the very end, a couple argued loudly, shoving and blaming each other, then stormed back to shore, still bickering, oblivious to everyone else.
Doreen watched them go, sighing.
“Whats the use? Dont they see theyre wasting their lives? Theyll make up, but the days lost, or two. Nerves, resentment whats the point?”
“And why are you sure theyll make up?” Alison mused, following the pair with her eyes.
“Because thats how people fight when they really care. See how she ran after him in tears? Angry now, but shell forgive, and he will too. He looked back five times before reaching the end. But tonight is gone for good, and tomorrow might be too if they wait. Hopefully the night will make it right. If not? You and Sam havent been together so longbut one day, think of this couple, and ask yourself if youre willing to waste time on rows. Theres so little time, Alison so little…”
Alison would always be grateful for that advice. Because of it, she could now say with certaintythey never wasted a minute with Sam.
Later, Alison took the kettle off the hob and nearly dropped it. There was a shadow by the kitchen windowshe gasped in fright. It wasnt Matthew. Some man was sneaking about the garden at dusk.
Her first thought: Lock the door, hide, scream for help. But she got hold of herself. The children would be home soon. And Doreen wouldnt let them walk alone. But there was a stranger in the garden!
The wood handle of Grans old kettle warmed her hand. Alison stared at it, then at the window, then marched for the door.
The garden light was offshed forgotten to switch it on.
“Whos there?!”
The shed door creaked miserably, and Alison flinched. She was engulfed in fear.
“What do you want?! Ill scream!”
The shadow stepped onto the porch, and Alison shrank back.
“Dont scream, Ali. Its meAlex.”
Relief flooded Alison as she lowered the kettle, then yelpedit singed her leg through the thin dress, and she set it down on the garden table, muttering under her breath.
“What are you sneaking around my garden for, Alex? Why not come inside?”
The short, sturdy man before her suddenly looked at his feet, just like her son. Matthew did the same when something went really wronglike breaking a window at PE.
“Well… Sorry Your shed doors come loose. Thought Id fix it. Im off to the bees tomorrow, dont know when Ill be back. Wanted to get it done.”
Alison was taken aback.
“Door? In the shed?”
Only then did it all slot into placethe tidy garden that neither she nor Matthew could take credit for, the repaired fence, the new path to the outhouse.
“So youre my brownie then!” Alison smiled.
“What?”
“My house-spirit! Keeping an eye on this place, seeing to the chores. Just doesnt drink milk out of the saucer. Matthew says we need a cat so the brownies got some company. Is it lonely?”
The glow from the kitchen was enough for Alison to notice Alex blush crimson.
“Sorry. Shouldve told you sooner.”
“Thank you! But… why, Alex?”
Alex didnt answer. He just waved, then hopped over the fence, ignoring Doreen and the kids whod just come through the gate.
“So, hes popped up at last!” Doreen chuckled, handing Alison a milk bottle. “Put that in the fridge, will you?”
“What do you mean, popped up at last? Mum, you knew?!”
“Of course! The whole village knows. Nothing stays secret here. Alex has fancied you since you were courting my Sam. Didnt you notice how he looked at you?”
“No…”
“Really? Honestly?” Doreen looked surprised.
“No point lyingI really didnt.”
“Come on, lets talk.” Doreen nudged Pippa forward. “But lets get the little ones to bed first. Well need a good chat.”
They talked almost till dawn. Alison kept topping up Doreens tea, listening wide-eyed.
“He came to me, a year ago. Asked for your handsaid you had no one closer than me, so I was to give permission. Cheeky sod! Knows how to charm, though.”
“And you agreed?!”
“Why wouldnt I? Alison, youre a young womanyouve got your whole life ahead! The kids will grow, fly the nest. Youd be stuck here with me, fussing over an old biddywhat kind of life is that? Go live! I know how you loved my Samyou dont need to say anything. That kind of love comes once a lifetime, maybe. But some folk are lucky, they get to love and be loved after grief too. Thats a gift, take it with gratitude. Maybe youll never love him like my Sam, but if youre content, if it feels safe and warm, Ill be glad. And Matthew needs a man about him. We dote on him, but its not the same. Alexs already been his friend for years now. Did you know hes teaching him to drive?”
“No”
“Didnt tell you, clearly. Hes nervous of upsetting you.”
“Why?”
“Who knows? Maybe he thinks youll think ill of him for it?”
“Nonsense!”
“Well, talk to your son. Put him at ease. Hes drawn to Alex, but worries youll think less of him. Pippas too youngshe barely remembers Sam. But Matthews different. Still, what about you?”
“What do you mean?” Alison blushed, eyes downcast.
“Nothing! Pour us some more tea, will you? Im parched!”
Alison and Alex would marry a year later. And another year on, Alison would have another son.
“Look at that hair, Mum!” Alison would say after taking her newborns bonnet off at home, smoothing the little ones wild, fair tuftsthe spitting image of Pippas locks.
“Just like a little brownie!” Doreen would wrap the baby snug and lift him. “Well, hello there, wee grandson! You can call me Grandma Doreen.”
“Mum”
“Just thinking ahead! Now feed him, while I start supper. What would you like?”
The big ginger tomcat, a gift from Alex to Matthew, would slip into the room, silently leap onto the windowsill, and watch the slumbering Alison and the tiny bundle by her side. Peace settled next to the cat on the ledge, wrapped around him, watching over this tender happiness. Thats what this washappiness, fragile and precious, something to be cared for gently and vigilantly.
A spoon clinks faintly in the kitchen, Pippa giggles, and Peace slides from the windowsill, pausing to ruffle the cats ear. He gives a miffed shake and soon begins washing, preparing for life with the newest member of the family.
Go on, now! Theres plenty of guardians here already.
