Fairy
When I grow upI’ll be a fairy!
Lucy, why a fairy? her mother asked.
Because I want to! Lucy jumped off her mothers lap, where shed just been congratulated on her fifth birthday, and fluffed out her fancy party dress.
Mum, all fairies are beautiful and clever! And they can do anything! I want to be able to do anything too!
Of course you will! Jane reached out to hug her daughter, but Lucy slipped away to whirl around the room.
What about the cake?
Itll be ready soon. Go and play with the others; Ill call you when its time, alright?
Alright!
Watching Lucys carefully curled hair bounce as she darted away, Jane smiled.
Shes so driven! And bright! What other five-year-old is so sure about what she wants? I can do anythingimagine!
The trick is not to crush that confidence, nodded Janes best friend, Emma. Some people hear things like that from their kids and immediately start talking about being realistic, or how it takes hard work. But you just need to believe in your child, and they really can do anything. I know it for a factI remember when my Holly first started at dance class…
Yes, Hollys incredible! Girls, would you help me? Its time for cake, Jane said, spinning on her heels as she walked to the kitchen.
The big, airy house was full of childrens laughter. The floor was covered with confetti and scraps of popped balloons. A bouquet of daffodils lay forgotten in a corner; Jane frowned as she walked past. Her mother, Margaret, had sent those flowers for Lucy. Margaret lived with them now, but in the past shed rarely visited, preferring Lucy to come to hers.
Its not cosy here, love. I’m afraid Ill break something or get in the way. Its all too posh for me.
Mum! Its not snobbery, honestlyits only as posh as we can afford. David works day and night, and so do I. Weve earned this. Why shouldnt we treat ourselves?
Im just more comfortable in my own place.
Fine, have it your way. All that matters is Lucy being looked after.
Margaret had been watching over Lucy since she was born.
I dont have time, Mum, Jane would say, quickly touching up her makeup before work. If I slow down now, everything weve built over the last five years will be gone. Its a rat race. Its not just my money eitherother people depend on me. Still, I have to think about Lucys future before anything else.
But isnt it most important for her to have her mum there, while shes still little?
Oh, Mum, dont start! I know what Im doing. Who would look after her, if not me? Wholl provide for her?
And David?
Mum, dont be like that. Of course, hes her dad, but menthey might be here one day, gone the next. Then what?
Whats brought all this on? Is there someone else?
How would I know? Have I got time to keep up with that? Maybe, but I honestly dont know. I was so wrapped up in the pregnancy and after, I just lost track of life. I need to catch up. And youre going to help me, arent you?
Of course, love. Margaret would peer down at Lucy in her crib. Shes so tiny… You were a bigger baby.
Whats wrong with that? Shell grow.
Lucy had been a frail, sickly child. Colds followed one after another but Margaret soon stopped panicking, as she had in the beginning, and coolly rang their family doctor. There was never time for Jane to handle those things.
Mum, she hasnt got a fever, has she? Give her some medicine and let her rest. Im in a meeting.
Lucy would wrap her tiny arms around her grandmothers neck, her hot cheeks pressed to Margarets shoulder, whimpering quietly.
There, there, my little one. Ill make you some squash and you can rest and youll feel better soon. Would you like a story?
A fairy story?
If you like!
Yes, please!
Her father had brought Lucy a beautiful storybook with colourful pictures from London.
David, its in English! Margaret flicked through the pages.
So? Shell learn a second language. You taught English at the college for years; surely you can manage with a kids book!
I suppose so. Means Ill have to start lessons earlier than Id planned, thats all.
Working with her granddaughter filled Margarets days, and she was glad. Shed finally found purpose againsomething to live for.
Since Jane had graduated from university and married David, Margarets life had been clouded by routine. Jane was always busy, and Margaret had long since stopped pleading to see her. She missed the days when Jane would come home from school or university, curl into the kitchen armchair with a mug of mint tea, and spill out the stories of her day. For Margaret, Jane had been her whole world.
Jane had been born when Margaret was just nineteen. The hurried wedding to her classmate brought misery to both, ending within a year. Jane became Margarets only link to the joys and heartbreaks shed never again experience. When Jane was two, Margarets mother became bedridden with illness, and caring for her and a small child left little time for anything else. Margaret shied away from the mirror. Shed never been beautiful, not even pretty, but there was a certain strength in her featuresa set to her jaw, a line to her nosethat was unforgettable.
What Margaret only hinted at, Jane possessed in full. Seeing her lovely daughter, Margaret would press her lips to hide a smile. What a beauty! shed think. All she wanted was to make sure Janes beauty didnt go to waste, that she had every opportunity. So Margaret sent her to dance classes and music lessons, helped her with English and French. By the time Jane finished school, Margaret dared to say shed raised her daughter the best way she could. But Jane was fiercely selfish whenever it came to her interests. She would never let people walk over her. Her wants always came first, even if it meant the family had to tighten their belts.
Mum, I need those shoes. I cant go to my first interview in these. I have to look the partit matters!
Margaret would hand over her holiday savings. Forget the seasidewhat matters is that Jane has what she needs.
Janes marriage to David was the highlight of Margarets efforts. Wiping away joyful tears, Margaret watched as her daughter walked arm in arm with her groom through the fanciest restaurant in town. Margaret wasnt sure about David at first; something about him unsettled her. But she chalked it up to different backgrounds. She reassured herself with what Jane said before the wedding.
Mum, its not just about lovetheres an agreement. Thats what really matters. A marriage of convenience often lasts longer than a whirlwind romance.
Are you sure?
Yes. Were equals, right from the wedding day. Im not after anything from before that. All I have to do is
She paused.
What, love?
Give him a son. Then the agreement will work more in my favour.
It sounds so odd…
Its right, Mummodern. The worlds changed.
I dont know if its right, but I just want you to be happy.
And I will be!
They never spoke of it again. Jane threw herself into the business David set up for her and tried to tackle the health issues that stopped her fulfilling her part of the agreement.
Lucys arrival was a surprise.
These modern scanswhats the use? Three times, Mum! They said it was going to be a boy three times! Is she a boy? Jane grumbled, folding away a blue blanket shed bought for her expected son.
But love, theres nothing wrong with a girl.
Of course not! But its not what I expected. That’s why I’m annoyed. Also, it’s the time lost…
Youll have a son, Jane. Just not yet.
Hopefully
But nothing changed. More hospitals, more experts, but nothing worked. Finally, after many clinics, Jane shrugged.
I dont know what else to do, Mum. Ive tried everything.
Maybe its time to focus on the child you already have?
Mum!
What? Lucys four, nearly five. Shes a wonderful girl. And who says fathers only love sons? Youre cleverrewrite the agreement!
Jane pondered this and realised her mother had a point.
In that case, Lucy needs to be at home.
Mum
No arguments. She spends too much time at yours now.
Shes attached to me!
No one said she has to move on. She can still see you. Im not hiring a stranger when I have her grandmother. You could even move in.
No, thats not a good idea. But I still want plenty of time with Lucy.
Of course, life had other plans. The first time Lucy fell ill after Jane and David announced shed live at home, Margaret moved in.
Mum, its comfortable here. Plenty of room. And Lucy needs youyou wont fret!
Margaret looked around her new room with a sigh.
Yeah Lucys close by
She focused on her granddaughter, trying to ignore what was happening elsewhere in the house. She saw, of course, that Janes marriage was far from happy but she kept her own counsel. Lucy, now always slightly tousled, filled the large house with her presence.
Gran, theres more space here than at yours! Lucy twirled in the big lounge. Can I have a dog now?
I dont know, love. Youll have to ask your parents.
Why? Isnt this your house too?
No, sweetheart. Its your mother and fathers house. Im just a guest here. At my own flat, I can decide things. HereI cant really.
Not even say no?
Depends. If you spill milk on the table at breakfast, yes. But a dog? No.
Right.
Lucy, thinking, sank onto the floor. Margaret recognised the expressionJanes determined face when she made up her mind about something.
Ill ask Dad! Lucy decided.
That evening the conversation happened. Lucy barged into Davids study.
Dad, do you love me?
David was thrown. He barely spent time with Lucy, restricting their interactions to quick hellos. Requests for quality time were lost on him. Lucys question caught him off guard.
Of course. All parents love their children.
I dont care about all parents. I want to know if you do.
What is it you want? A new toy?
No! Lucy frowned. I want a dog!
A robot?
Lucys brows shot up to her fluffy fringe. A robot? No! A real, live dog!
David rubbed his temples.
A big one?
It doesnt have to be. Just a good one.
Pick one, let me know, and you can have a dog.
Jane didnt support this at all. The argument in their bedroom went unheard by them but not by Lucy, who listened at the door while Margaret, stressed out by the tension, tried to get an early night.
A dog isnt a toy! You cant indulge her in everything. Someone will have to look after it.
Your mother, or the housekeeper. Pay her more if you like. Where theres a child, theres room for a dog. Itll do her good.
And the vet? The expense? The rest of it?
There are more than enough vets in London. If it bothers you, start your own. Get a mongrelskip the shows. What do you want from me, Jane? I hardly see Lucy; surely I can grant this simple wish.
Its not simple. Its responsibility. And the idea she can get everything at once.
Is that really such a bad thing, for our kid? Why shouldnt she get what she wants, when she wants?
Jane was silent. Lucy crept away. She would get her dogthat was certain.
A tiny spaniel arrived two days later. Just after Lucys birthday, she and Margaret returned to Margarets flat. Jane, listless and distracted, would drink her morning coffee and leave for the day, barely speaking.
Gran, whats wrong with Mum?
I cant say yet, love. Shell explain one day. Margaret stroked both Lucy and the puppy.
Why are we back at yours? Just for two days?
No, Lucy. Im afraid its for a long time.
Margaret didnt understand herself. Just days after Lucys party, Jane came in, took Margarets suitcase from the closet and stood it in the middle of the room.
Pack up, Mum. Were leaving. And Lucys things, too. I havent got time.
Margaret, confused, wanted to say something but one look at Janes eyes stopped her.
Ill do it, love. Give me half an hour.
That night, Margaret risked making tea for Jane and placing it beside her as Jane hunched on the sofa, knees to chest.
Dont ask, Mum. Were splitting up.
Margarets heart lurched. Lucy, fortunately, was in her room watching TV.
Hes got someone else. And a son
Jane hid her face. Margaret tried to comfort her, then stopped as she saw Jane was laughing.
I thought you were crying
Not a chance! Well, Mum, I failed
Why David left for another family would always be a mystery, but at least hed been civil, and the divorce was quick. Six months later, Jane bought a three-bedroom flat round the corner and life settled into another routinetighter, less comfortable, but at least familiar.
Lucy grew bright and stubborn. Her interests shaped the household. Jane had long since stopped fighting her daughters demands.
Jane, you shouldnt.
What do you want, Mum? Shes smart and toughif she wants something, shell get it. Thats what you need to survive these days: put yourself first.
I dont agree. I worry for Lucy.
Well, I dont. Why not? If Id been tougher, I might still be with David. But I cared about what he wanted. Silly
Its sillier to miss your own childs needs, Margaret burst out. She doesnt just have wantsshe has needs. The most important of which is you.
Shes got you.
Thank goodness! But itd be better if she had you, too.
Why? She only listens to you.
Thats because I can say no! You cant.
I want her to know she can have what she wants, not see me as a spoiler. Better to be a friend than a jailer, right?
Margaret sighed.
What if she doesnt get what she wants, though?
That wont happenshe knows her mind. Shes smart. You see it yourself.
I do Life isnt always under our control, Jane. You of all people know that.
Yes, thanks Mum. I know that very well. And I dont want Lucy to find out for herself.
Margaret gave up the argumentJane would never change her mind. Lucy would always side with her mother, knowing her grandmother also loved her, so why fret?
Jane barely paid attention to Lucy, throwing herself into work, but now and then shed take Lucy shopping.
You mustnt be outdone by others. You might not have had much luck with your looks, but thats nothing. The right clothes and makeup make you beautiful. Remember that.
Lucy listened; Jane had excellent taste. While Lucy didnt inherit Jane’s face, she did have her build, so Janes wardrobe soon became Lucys favourite.
These, and maybe this one too. Leave the restits for grown-ups, Jane would say. All in good measure.
Lucys schoolmates envied her posh make-up case. How could her mother buy her such expensive cosmetics?
Good skin matters. Dont spoil it with rubbish. It wont thank you. Do things properly, Jane would say, tossing any cheap mascara Lucy had been gifted. Whats this?
A present.
Not all presents are good. Say thank you, then throw it away. Youve got to value yourself, Lucy.
Margaret watched, knowing it was pointless to object. She just tried to soften Lucys edgesbut with little success. Lucy finished school and entered university, choosing the same course as her mother and grandmother. Soon, student life swept her away; Margaret hardly saw either of them and learnt of changes last.
Getting married? To who? The teacup slipped from her hands and smashed.
Edward but hes just Ed to me. Lucy curled up on the sofa, watching her grandmother pick up the pieces.
Who is he, Lucy?
Oh, just a lecturer. Not in my department! Dont look at me like that. He just works there.
Hes
No, Gran, not old. Still young.
Only later did Margaret learn from Jane that Ed was married.
Oh my and youre so calm?
Why shouldnt I be? Why should I care about his wife or child? I’m worried about Lucyshes in love. She wants this man.
JaneWhere did I go wrong? Margaret sighed, bracing herself against the table. You shouldnt do this.
Shouldnt do what?
Break up a family.
Hes not a puppet, Mum! Youre being daft. Think of Lucys happiness, not anyone else.
But will that bring happiness? Margaret flung the empty glass at the wall in frustration.
The wedding was a melancholy affair. Eds parents declined to attend. Davidalready in another citysent a new flat instead of coming. Jane arranged the furniture without asking Lucy. Not that she cared.
Mum, look! The dress is a dreamI want that one! Lucy spun in front of the mirror at the bridal shop.
This ones called Fairy, said the assistant, holding out the veil.
Its a sign, Lucy! Remember you used to dream of being a fairy?
Yes! Now I will be! My life will be a fairytale! Everything will work out!
Everything Jane echoed softly, twisting the lace of the veil.
Margaret barely made it through the ceremony before slipping away.
I dont feel welldont want to spoil your day.
She kissed Lucy and went to her cab. As it pulled away, she looked back. Lucy, holding her husbands hand, danced anxiously, ready to release the white dove she clutched. Margaret shiveredthe girl looked too much like that frightened bird, desperate to be free.
What can I do, Lord What now? She stifled a sob and gathered herself. Give me strength. Ill need it.
Lucy and Ed separated in under a year, shortly after their daughter was born. Eds new lover was a fellow student from Lucys course. He was caught with her in an empty seminar room one day. Lucy silently pulled the door shut, but slammed it anyway.
Whats happened?
Just needed to disinfect. Big cockroach in there, Lucy said.
She called her father for help, while Jane scolded.
Running away with your tail between your legs? Why not fight for him?
Why, Mum? Lucy said coldly, folding her daughters clothes.
Because hes yours. Thats the right thing.
Right thing? Whats right, Mum? Is it right when you get the same in return? I always believed Id get what I wanted, but never thought about how it felt when someone else wanted something. Maybe the woman before me wanted a father for her child, tooor love. Along I came, waltzing in, believing it was all mine. Now someone else has done the same to me. So whats right, Mum?
Don’t be daft. You’re acting like a sulking child.
No, Mum. Im not a child anymore. Thats the sad part. My wings dont hold me up. I’ve grown up.
Jane said more, but Lucy barely listened. She had decisions to make.
Margaret packed their belongings, wiping tears and watching her great-granddaughter.
Its alright, darling. Your mums strong. Well be okay.
Jane didnt come. Margaret handed over her keys.
Just keep an eye on the plantsno, never mind. Just take care of yourself.
Years later, a young woman walked down a path in the old park. The little girl racing ahead, then grabbing her hand, looked so much like her, there could be no doubther daughter.
Mummy, look what we made in nursery today! The girl rummaged in her bag for a stick with a crumpled silver star on top. Oops, its squashed
Whats that, Sophie?
A magic wand! Like a fairys, only squashed.
So what? Lucy bent the star straight. Seeit still works!
How do you know? What did you wish for? Sophies eyes were wide.
I wished for us to be happy, and healthy.
Its not working Sophie said, crestfallen. Grannys still in hospital.
Ah, but shes already home. Well see her soon.
Really? Sophie jumped in excitement.
Really. When we get home, shell be waiting.
Can I try now? Taking the wand, Sophie whispered a wish.
What did you wish for?
I cant tell!
Thats not fair! Lucy laughed, fixing Sophies curls.
Alright, just one I wished wed always be together, Sophie murmured. Lucy knelt beside her.
Sophie do you mean Granny?
Sophie nodded.
I cant promise that, love. Im not a real fairy. Not everything is up to us. But we can be together as long as we can, and love each other even if were apart. When youre at nursery or Im at work, do we still love each other? Even if were apart all day, well think of each other, right?
Sophie nodded, lifting the wand again.
Then Ill wish again, alright?
Wish whatever you want.
I wish Granny gets all better and were together a long, long time. Is that alright, Mum?
Lucy got up, dusted her skirt, and nodded seriously.
Thats the best wish there is. Come on, lets show Granny your magic wandshe might have a wish too. After all, shes the real fairy.
Really?
The best in the world.
And Lucy realisedlife brings changes, disappointments, and even heartbreak, but lovepatient and enduringremains. Dreams may be bent and battered, but a little hope and kindness can always work some magic, no matter what.
