The Daytime Cuckoo Outstayed Her Welcome — “She has got to be joking!” Sasha erupted. “Yura, get in here! Now!” Her husband, who’d just kicked off his trainers in the hallway, popped his head into the doorway, loosening his shirt collar. “Sash, what is it this time? I’ve literally just finished work and my head is splitting…” “What is it?!” Sasha pointed at the edge of the bath. “Take a good look. Where’s my shampoo? Where’s my hair mask—the one I bought yesterday?” Yura squinted at the neat row of bottles. There stood a massive bottle of tar shampoo, an oversized “Nettle & Burdock” conditioner, and a heavy glass jar of some thick brown cream. “Uh… Mum brought her own toiletries. Maybe it’s easier for her to have everything at hand?” he mumbled, avoiding her glare. “Easier? Yura, she doesn’t even live here! Now look down.” Sasha crouched and pulled a plastic basin from under the bath. In it lay her expensive French products, her loofah, and her razor. “What is this, Yura? She dumped all my things into this grotty old basin and lined up her stuff on display!” She’s decided my things belong next to the mop while her precious ‘Burdock’ gets pride of place!” Yura heaved a sigh. “Sash, don’t start. Mum’s having a rough time, you know that. Look, I’ll put your things back and then we can have dinner—Mum’s made stuffed cabbage, by the way.” “I’m not having her stuffed cabbage,” Sasha snapped. “Why is she always hanging about here, Yura?! Why does she act like she owns my house?!” I feel like a lodger, lucky for toilet access. Sasha shoved past him and stormed off, while Yura quietly nudged her basin back under the bath with his foot. The housing headache that’s ruined the lives of millions never touched Yura and Sasha. Yura’s spacious modern one-bed flat, inherited from his grandfather; Sasha’s comfy little place from her grandmother. After their wedding, they moved into his place—for the fresh decor and the air conditioning—and rented Sasha’s out to a nice family. Relations with Yura’s parents were maintained in a state of polite neutrality, occasionally drifting into gentle fondness. Svetlana and her reserved husband Victor lived clear across town. Once a week: tea, obligatory questions about work and health, swapped smiles. “Oh, Sasha darling, you’ve lost even more weight,” Svetlana would remark, handing her a too-large slice of Battenberg. “Yura! Aren’t you feeding your wife?” “Mum, we just go to the gym,” Yura would shrug. That was that. No surprise visits, no household advice. Sasha even bragged to friends: “I lucked out with my mother-in-law. She’s pure gold—never interferes, never nags, never fusses at Yura.” Everything changed on a rain-soaked Tuesday when Victor, after thirty-two years with Svetlana, packed his bag, left a note—“Gone to the coast, don’t look for me!”—blocked her everywhere and vanished. Turns out “midlife crisis” wasn’t just an expression, but a forty-something health-spa manager in Brighton where they’d holidayed for three summers. Svetlana’s world collapsed. The weeping started, along with late-night calls and endless nitpicking: “How could he? Why? Sasha darling, how could this happen?!” At first, Sasha sympathised. She fetched calming teas, listened to the same tales, and nodded politely as Svetlana damned her “roving old fool.” But her patience wore thin as the “poor me” chorus grated on her nerves. “Yura, your mum’s called five times—before lunch,” Sasha sighed at breakfast. “She asked you to go fit a lightbulb. In her corridor. When will this end?” His face fell. “She’s lonely, Sash. You know she lived her whole life depending on Dad, and now…” “Look, she could just call someone in—or do it herself. But it has to be you. Or me. Why should I care?” Sleepovers followed—Yura started staying at his mum’s. “Sash, Mum’s scared to sleep alone,” he’d mutter, stuffing a bag. “The quiet gets to her. I’ll be back in a few days, okay?” “A few days?” Sasha frowned. “Yura, we’ve only just married and you’re already moving out half the week. I don’t want to sleep alone.” “Babe, it’s only for a bit. She’ll get through it…” ‘Only’ lasted a month. Svetlana insisted—her son must camp at her place four nights a week. There were faked dizzy spells, panics, even self-made blocked sinks. Sasha watched her husband drain himself running between two homes—and made the mistake that would haunt her daily. *** She decided to clear the air with her mother-in-law. “Listen, Svetlana,” she ventured during Sunday lunch, “If it’s so hard for you alone in your flat, why not come here during the day?” Yura would be at work; Sasha often worked from home. She’d have the city centre, parks; Sasha expected a couple visits a week, arriving around noon, leaving before Yura. But Svetlana had her own plan—she showed up at exactly 7am. “Who’s that?” muttered Yura, sleepily at the doorbell. He answered it. “It’s me!” came Svetlana’s cheery voice. “Brought you some lovely fresh cottage cheese!” Sasha pulled the duvet over her head. “For heaven’s sake…” she hissed. “Yura, it’s seven a.m.! Where does she even get ‘fresh’ cottage cheese at this hour?” “Mum’s an early riser,” Yura muttered, pulling on trousers. “Go back to sleep. I’ll let her in.” From then on, life became hell. Svetlana didn’t just drop by—she colonised the flat for a full eight hours. Sasha tried working at her laptop, but the running commentary never stopped: “Sash, how haven’t you dusted the telly? I found a cloth—let’s just sort that.” “Svetlana, I’m working—I have a call in five minutes!” “Oh, you and your ‘calls,’ just watching videos. By the way, darling, you’re ironing Yura’s shirts all wrong. The creases should be razor-sharp.” Let me show you, while you wait for your so-called ‘clients.’ Everything was criticised. How she sliced veg: “Yura likes them in matchsticks, not cubes like school dinners.” How she made the bed: “The bedspread should touch the floor, not hover midway.” The bathroom’s aroma: “Should be fresh and sweet, not damp and musty.” “Sash, don’t take it personally,” came Svetlana’s voice over her shoulder at the hob. “Your soup’s too salty. Yura’s stomach is sensitive, you know.” Sasha was close to exploding by lunchtime—she’d leave for a café just to avoid the constant criticism, then return home even more upset. First, a garish mug—“Best Mum Ever”—appeared in the kitchen. Next, her spare mac hung in the hallway; then, a whole shelf in the wardrobe for “change of clothes” and a couple old lady dressing gowns. “Why do you need dressing gowns here?” Sasha asked, discovering the fluffy pink monstrosity in with her silks. “Well, my dear, I’m here all day—I get tired, want to change into something comfy. We’re family now—why are you so cross?” To every complaint, Yura replied the same way: “Sash, be kind. She’s had it tough. Just let her feel at home. Does it really hurt to sacrifice a shelf?” “It’s not the shelf, Yura—your mum is edging me out of my own home!” “You’re exaggerating. She helps—cooks, cleans; you always said you hated ironing.” “I’d rather look crumpled than wear anything she’s ironed!” Sasha barked. But her husband just wouldn’t listen. *** The bottles in the bath tipped her over the edge. “Yura, come eat—your food’s going cold!” Svetlana called from the kitchen. “Sasha, love, I left the hot sauce off yours—knew you wouldn’t want it.” Sasha stormed to the kitchen. “Svetlana, why did you move my things under the bath?” Svetlana didn’t even blink. She set a fork beside Yura’s plate and smiled. “Oh those old bottles? They were nearly empty, taking up space. And the smell—knocked me sick. I put out my tried and tested ones. Yours are fine down there until you need them—keeps things neat.” “I mind,” said Sasha. “This is my bathroom. My things. My home!” “Oh, don’t be silly, love—this is Yura’s flat. Of course you’re the woman of the house, but still… a little respect for your husband’s mother wouldn’t hurt.” Yura, hovering in the doorway, paled. “Mum, come on… Sasha’s got a flat too—we just live here…” “What, that old granny-flat?” Svetlana scoffed. “Yura, eat up. See, your wife’s in a mood—probably just hungry.” Sasha looked at her husband, waiting: Waiting for him to say: “Mum, enough. You’ve crossed a line. Pack up and go home.” Yura hesitated, glanced between them both—and just sat down. “Sash, come eat. Let’s just talk it over. Mum, you shouldn’t have moved Sasha’s things…” “See!” Svetlana cried triumphantly. “My son gets it. You’re just being selfish, Sasha. Family means sharing everything.” Sasha’s last thread of patience snapped. “Everything shared?” she repeated coldly. “Fine.” She turned and walked out. Yura called after her but she ignored him, packing her bags in under twenty minutes, leaving Svetlana’s “tried and tested” products in place. She left to the soundtrack of her husband’s pleading and her mother-in-law’s not-so-subtle jibes. *** Sasha had no intention of returning to her husband; she filed for divorce almost immediately after her “escape.” Her soon-to-be-ex rings her daily, begging her to come home, while his mother quietly ferries more of her things into his flat. And Sasha is certain—that’s all her mother-in-law ever wanted.

The Daytime Cuckoo Out-Cuckooed Us All

For heavens sake, shes having a laugh! Lucy huffed. James! Get in here. Now!

Her husband peered around the bathroom door, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, the fresh scent of the commute still clinging to him.

What now, Luce? Ive just finished work my heads pounding…

What now? Lucy gestured dramatically at the edge of the bath. Have a proper look. Wheres my shampoo gone? Wheres the hair masque I only bought yesterday?

James squinted, scanning the perfectly arranged line of bottles.

Dominating the display was a jumbo-sized bottle of Tar Shampoo, a suspicious own-brand Burdock & Mint concoction, and, for reasons unknown, a heavy glass jar of face cream the colour of weak tea.

Um Mum brought her bits over. She probably just wanted things to be handy he muttered, suddenly finding the ceiling extremely fascinating.

Convenient? James, she doesnt even live here! Now look down.

Lucy squatted and pulled out a plastic washing-up bowl from under the tub. Inside lay her pricey French toiletries, together with her flannel and razor, looking frankly wounded.

So, whats this then, James? Shes dumped all my stuff in this mucky bowl and lined hers up?

Apparently, her things belonged nestled next to a mop, while his mums Burdock was gracing the limelight.

James managed a weary sigh.

Lucy, come on, dont start. Mums really struggling right now, you know that. Let me just put everything back and well eat? Shes knocked up some stuffed cabbage, by the way.

Im not eating her stuffed cabbage, Lucy shot back. And why is she constantly camping out here, anyway? Why does she act like she owns the place?!

I feel like a lodger, graciously permitted to share the loo.

Pushing past her husband, Lucy stormed out, while James meekly shimmied the bowl of her things back under the bath with his foot.

Unlike the age-old property drama thats ruined countless lives, Lucy and James had been spared that particular misery.

James lived in a spacious one-bed flat in a shiny new-build, inherited from his paternal grandad. Lucy had her grandmothers cosy flat in a leafy suburb. After the wedding, theyd settled in Jamess new carpets and air-conditioning trumped all. Lucy let out her flat to a respectable family.

Meetings with Jamess family followed the terms of a peace treaty, with occasional outbreaks of polite warmth.

Sue Archer and her husband, the eternally silent Victor, lived clear across town. Once a week theyd do tea, exchange strictly surface-level news, and smile their most neutral smiles.

Oh, Lucy, youre looking positively willowy! Sue would exclaim mid-cheesecake. James, are you feeding your poor wife at all?

Mum, were just going to the gym, thats all, James would mumble, not looking up.

And that was that. No surprise visits, no-marital management tips. Lucy boasted to friends:

I lucked out with my mother-in-law. Absolute gold. Keeps out of everything, doesnt nag, doesnt harass James.

It all fell apart one grim Tuesday when Victor, after thirty-two years of marriage, packed a suitcase, left a note on the kitchen table (Off to the seaside, dont look for me!), blocked all calls, and vanished.

Turned out a midlife crisis was less a figure of speech and more a spry entertainment manager from a Bognor Regis holiday camp theyd been visiting three summers running.

For sixty-year-old Sue, the world flipped upside down.

First came the tears, then the 3 a.m. why-did-he-do-this phone calls, the endless searching of Why?

How could he? Why, Lucy, WHY?!

Lucy was honestly sympathetic at first. Shed drive over with chamomile tea, listen to the same stories for the millionth time, and politely nod as Sue cursed the old goat.

Still, her patience thinned quickly the constant wailing became intolerable.

James, shes rung me five times this morning, Lucy remarked over breakfast one day. Wants you to pop over and change a lightbulb. In the hallway.

I get it, but whens it going to end?

Jamess face took on a tragic air.

Shes lonely, Lucy. Shes only ever lived with Dad, and he You know. Please dont be hard on her.

She could change it herself, I could send an odd-job man, but no it has to be you. Or me. Do I need this?

Overnights at his mums followed. She cant sleep alone, James admitted, stuffing a bag. Says the silence is too much. Ill stay with her a night or two, love, okay?

A night or two? Lucy frowned. Weve only just got married and youre already fleeing the flat? I dont want to sleep alone half the week.

Lu, its just temporary. Shell bounce back soon.

Temporary dragged on for a month.

Sue insisted James spend four evenings a week with her, tallying up made-up blood pressure, invented panic attacks, and home-made plumbing disasters.

Lucy watched her husband exhaust himself trying to please both sides and later regretted her next move more than anything.

***
She decided to have a frank chat with Sue.

Look, Sue, she said over roast chicken one Sunday, if youre struggling to be alone, why dont you spend time with us here during the day? James works all day, and Im often working from home. You can stroll round the park, do a crossword on our sofa. James can run you home each evening.

Sue eyed her with baffling delight.

Youre so clever, Lucy! Why *am* I moping at home all day?

Lucy expected a couple of visits a week, mid-morning arrivals, Sue gone long before James got home

Sue, however, had her own vision she turned up promptly at 7am.

Whos that? mumbled James, half-asleep as the doorbell blared.

He opened the door groggily.

Its me! Sues voice warbled through the intercom. Brought you some fresh cottage cheese!

Lucy yanked the duvet over her head.

Seriously?! she hissed to herself. Where on earth does one find fresh cottage cheese at this hour?

Mum wakes early, James was already hunting for trousers. Go back to sleep, Ill let her in.

From then on, life became a sitcom from hell. Sue didnt just visit she *moved in* for the working day.

Lucy tried to focus on her laptop, but the soundtrack was relentless:

Lucy, you missed a bit of dust on the telly, Ill just go over it with a cloth.

Sue, Im in a Zoom call in five minutes!

Oh come on, youre just staring at pictures. And by the by, youre ironing Jamess shirts all wrong the creases should be perfect. Let me show you, while youre waiting for clients.

Everything was under review.

How the veg was chopped: James likes them julienned, not cubed like a school lunch.

How the bed was made: The covers meant to touch the floor, not just muddle about.

How the bathroom smelt: Supposed to be fresh, but its all a bit musty in here.

Dont be offended, love, Sue would peer into the saucepan, but youve oversalted this soup. James has always been used to diet food delicate tummy, you know?

Youll ruin him with your spicy ways. Off you go, Ill fix it.

It was delicious, Lucy grated out, clenching her fists. He had two bowls yesterday!

Oh, hes just being polite he doesnt want to upset you, thats all.

By lunch, Lucy would be on the brink. She escaped to coffee shops for hours, just to avoid that soothing, endlessly corrective tone.

When she came home, raging, there were fresh invasions.

First, Sues favourite mug appeared: an enormous, lurid Best Mum monstrosity. Then, a raincoat appeared on the peg, and a week later, Lucy discovered a whole shelf surrendered to Sues spares and a couple of flowery housecoats.

Why do you have housecoats here? Lucy asked, finding a fluffy pink beast nestled between her silk lingerie.

Well, dear, Im here all day. Its nice to change into something comfy. Were all family, why look so glum?

James had only one response to Lucys complaints:

Oh come on, Lucy, be reasonable. Shes lost her husband. You can spare a shelf.

I dont care about the shelf, James! Your mum is shoving me out of my own home!

Youre exaggerating. Shes cooking, cleaning you said yourself you hate ironing.

Id rather walk around wrinkled than wear anything shes pressed! Lucy barked.

But he never seemed to hear.

***
The bathroom bottles were the last straw.

James, come on dinners getting cold! called Sue from the kitchen. Lucy, come along, I left the chilli sauce out your portion I know you cant handle spice.

Lucy stormed in as Sue bustled about, owning the kitchen.

Sue, Lucy forced civility. Why did you move all my things under the bath?

Sue didnt even flinch. She gently placed a fork beside Jamess plate and smiled.

Oh Lucy, you mean those bottles? They were nearly empty and a bit whiffy if Im honest made my head ache!

So I put out my reliable ones and tucked yours neatly away.

Youre not bothered are you? Things needed a tidy.

Well, I *am* bothered, Lucy advanced. Its my bathroom. My stuff. My home!

Oh, is it, dear? Sue sat, hand to heart, audibly sighing. The flats Jamess really.

Youre the lady of the house, of course, but a husbands mother needs respect.

James stood frozen at the door.

Mum, lets not Lucy has a place too, we just chose to live here…

Oh, but hers is just a granny flat, nothing special! Sue waved it off. Sit down, darling. Your wifes in a mood probably just hungry.

Lucy looked at her husband. She waited.

Waited for him to say, Mum, enough. Youve crossed a line. Pack up and go home.

James hovered awkwardly a moment, flicking his gaze from mother to wife, and finally just sat down at the table.

Lucy, please, just eat. Lets talk this out, calmly. Mum, you were wrong to move things

There, see?! My son understands, Sue crowed. Youre far too possessive, Lucy. Family is about sharing everything.

Lucys patience snapped at last.

Everything? she echoed. Right.

She turned and walked out.

James called after, but the words barely reached her. She packed her things in twenty minutes flat, stuffing it all into suitcases.

She didnt bother with the bathroom bottles shed get new ones.

She left to the soundtrack of Jamess whining pleas and Sues not-so-subtle jibes.

***
Lucy had no intention of going back to James she filed for divorce almost straight away.

Her soon-to-be-ex rang her every day, begging her to return, while Sue gradually hauled her hoard fully into Jamess bachelor pad.

Lucy was quite sure this was the plan all along.

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The Daytime Cuckoo Outstayed Her Welcome — “She has got to be joking!” Sasha erupted. “Yura, get in here! Now!” Her husband, who’d just kicked off his trainers in the hallway, popped his head into the doorway, loosening his shirt collar. “Sash, what is it this time? I’ve literally just finished work and my head is splitting…” “What is it?!” Sasha pointed at the edge of the bath. “Take a good look. Where’s my shampoo? Where’s my hair mask—the one I bought yesterday?” Yura squinted at the neat row of bottles. There stood a massive bottle of tar shampoo, an oversized “Nettle & Burdock” conditioner, and a heavy glass jar of some thick brown cream. “Uh… Mum brought her own toiletries. Maybe it’s easier for her to have everything at hand?” he mumbled, avoiding her glare. “Easier? Yura, she doesn’t even live here! Now look down.” Sasha crouched and pulled a plastic basin from under the bath. In it lay her expensive French products, her loofah, and her razor. “What is this, Yura? She dumped all my things into this grotty old basin and lined up her stuff on display!” She’s decided my things belong next to the mop while her precious ‘Burdock’ gets pride of place!” Yura heaved a sigh. “Sash, don’t start. Mum’s having a rough time, you know that. Look, I’ll put your things back and then we can have dinner—Mum’s made stuffed cabbage, by the way.” “I’m not having her stuffed cabbage,” Sasha snapped. “Why is she always hanging about here, Yura?! Why does she act like she owns my house?!” I feel like a lodger, lucky for toilet access. Sasha shoved past him and stormed off, while Yura quietly nudged her basin back under the bath with his foot. The housing headache that’s ruined the lives of millions never touched Yura and Sasha. Yura’s spacious modern one-bed flat, inherited from his grandfather; Sasha’s comfy little place from her grandmother. After their wedding, they moved into his place—for the fresh decor and the air conditioning—and rented Sasha’s out to a nice family. Relations with Yura’s parents were maintained in a state of polite neutrality, occasionally drifting into gentle fondness. Svetlana and her reserved husband Victor lived clear across town. Once a week: tea, obligatory questions about work and health, swapped smiles. “Oh, Sasha darling, you’ve lost even more weight,” Svetlana would remark, handing her a too-large slice of Battenberg. “Yura! Aren’t you feeding your wife?” “Mum, we just go to the gym,” Yura would shrug. That was that. No surprise visits, no household advice. Sasha even bragged to friends: “I lucked out with my mother-in-law. She’s pure gold—never interferes, never nags, never fusses at Yura.” Everything changed on a rain-soaked Tuesday when Victor, after thirty-two years with Svetlana, packed his bag, left a note—“Gone to the coast, don’t look for me!”—blocked her everywhere and vanished. Turns out “midlife crisis” wasn’t just an expression, but a forty-something health-spa manager in Brighton where they’d holidayed for three summers. Svetlana’s world collapsed. The weeping started, along with late-night calls and endless nitpicking: “How could he? Why? Sasha darling, how could this happen?!” At first, Sasha sympathised. She fetched calming teas, listened to the same tales, and nodded politely as Svetlana damned her “roving old fool.” But her patience wore thin as the “poor me” chorus grated on her nerves. “Yura, your mum’s called five times—before lunch,” Sasha sighed at breakfast. “She asked you to go fit a lightbulb. In her corridor. When will this end?” His face fell. “She’s lonely, Sash. You know she lived her whole life depending on Dad, and now…” “Look, she could just call someone in—or do it herself. But it has to be you. Or me. Why should I care?” Sleepovers followed—Yura started staying at his mum’s. “Sash, Mum’s scared to sleep alone,” he’d mutter, stuffing a bag. “The quiet gets to her. I’ll be back in a few days, okay?” “A few days?” Sasha frowned. “Yura, we’ve only just married and you’re already moving out half the week. I don’t want to sleep alone.” “Babe, it’s only for a bit. She’ll get through it…” ‘Only’ lasted a month. Svetlana insisted—her son must camp at her place four nights a week. There were faked dizzy spells, panics, even self-made blocked sinks. Sasha watched her husband drain himself running between two homes—and made the mistake that would haunt her daily. *** She decided to clear the air with her mother-in-law. “Listen, Svetlana,” she ventured during Sunday lunch, “If it’s so hard for you alone in your flat, why not come here during the day?” Yura would be at work; Sasha often worked from home. She’d have the city centre, parks; Sasha expected a couple visits a week, arriving around noon, leaving before Yura. But Svetlana had her own plan—she showed up at exactly 7am. “Who’s that?” muttered Yura, sleepily at the doorbell. He answered it. “It’s me!” came Svetlana’s cheery voice. “Brought you some lovely fresh cottage cheese!” Sasha pulled the duvet over her head. “For heaven’s sake…” she hissed. “Yura, it’s seven a.m.! Where does she even get ‘fresh’ cottage cheese at this hour?” “Mum’s an early riser,” Yura muttered, pulling on trousers. “Go back to sleep. I’ll let her in.” From then on, life became hell. Svetlana didn’t just drop by—she colonised the flat for a full eight hours. Sasha tried working at her laptop, but the running commentary never stopped: “Sash, how haven’t you dusted the telly? I found a cloth—let’s just sort that.” “Svetlana, I’m working—I have a call in five minutes!” “Oh, you and your ‘calls,’ just watching videos. By the way, darling, you’re ironing Yura’s shirts all wrong. The creases should be razor-sharp.” Let me show you, while you wait for your so-called ‘clients.’ Everything was criticised. How she sliced veg: “Yura likes them in matchsticks, not cubes like school dinners.” How she made the bed: “The bedspread should touch the floor, not hover midway.” The bathroom’s aroma: “Should be fresh and sweet, not damp and musty.” “Sash, don’t take it personally,” came Svetlana’s voice over her shoulder at the hob. “Your soup’s too salty. Yura’s stomach is sensitive, you know.” Sasha was close to exploding by lunchtime—she’d leave for a café just to avoid the constant criticism, then return home even more upset. First, a garish mug—“Best Mum Ever”—appeared in the kitchen. Next, her spare mac hung in the hallway; then, a whole shelf in the wardrobe for “change of clothes” and a couple old lady dressing gowns. “Why do you need dressing gowns here?” Sasha asked, discovering the fluffy pink monstrosity in with her silks. “Well, my dear, I’m here all day—I get tired, want to change into something comfy. We’re family now—why are you so cross?” To every complaint, Yura replied the same way: “Sash, be kind. She’s had it tough. Just let her feel at home. Does it really hurt to sacrifice a shelf?” “It’s not the shelf, Yura—your mum is edging me out of my own home!” “You’re exaggerating. She helps—cooks, cleans; you always said you hated ironing.” “I’d rather look crumpled than wear anything she’s ironed!” Sasha barked. But her husband just wouldn’t listen. *** The bottles in the bath tipped her over the edge. “Yura, come eat—your food’s going cold!” Svetlana called from the kitchen. “Sasha, love, I left the hot sauce off yours—knew you wouldn’t want it.” Sasha stormed to the kitchen. “Svetlana, why did you move my things under the bath?” Svetlana didn’t even blink. She set a fork beside Yura’s plate and smiled. “Oh those old bottles? They were nearly empty, taking up space. And the smell—knocked me sick. I put out my tried and tested ones. Yours are fine down there until you need them—keeps things neat.” “I mind,” said Sasha. “This is my bathroom. My things. My home!” “Oh, don’t be silly, love—this is Yura’s flat. Of course you’re the woman of the house, but still… a little respect for your husband’s mother wouldn’t hurt.” Yura, hovering in the doorway, paled. “Mum, come on… Sasha’s got a flat too—we just live here…” “What, that old granny-flat?” Svetlana scoffed. “Yura, eat up. See, your wife’s in a mood—probably just hungry.” Sasha looked at her husband, waiting: Waiting for him to say: “Mum, enough. You’ve crossed a line. Pack up and go home.” Yura hesitated, glanced between them both—and just sat down. “Sash, come eat. Let’s just talk it over. Mum, you shouldn’t have moved Sasha’s things…” “See!” Svetlana cried triumphantly. “My son gets it. You’re just being selfish, Sasha. Family means sharing everything.” Sasha’s last thread of patience snapped. “Everything shared?” she repeated coldly. “Fine.” She turned and walked out. Yura called after her but she ignored him, packing her bags in under twenty minutes, leaving Svetlana’s “tried and tested” products in place. She left to the soundtrack of her husband’s pleading and her mother-in-law’s not-so-subtle jibes. *** Sasha had no intention of returning to her husband; she filed for divorce almost immediately after her “escape.” Her soon-to-be-ex rings her daily, begging her to come home, while his mother quietly ferries more of her things into his flat. And Sasha is certain—that’s all her mother-in-law ever wanted.