I realised something was off the day it dawned on me that my wife no longer says I love you. I couldnt pinpoint when it actually stopped whether it was last week, last month, or ages ago. All I know is, she used to say it constantly: as I left for work every morning, when we hung up the phone, before we fell asleep. My responses were always along the lines of same here, ditto, or, sometimes, haha, love.
Im thirty-four. I work all day. I leave early and by the time Im back home, Im knackered. Id always figured that being a good husband meant ticking off the usual boxes: pay the bills, do the shopping, turn up at home, stay faithful. My routine was simple come home, eat, shower, plonk myself in front of my phone or the telly. Shed tell me about her day, and Id reply with monosyllables: mm-hm, yeah, talk later, exhausted. When she said I love you, it barely registered as anything special; it felt normal, automatic. Never in a million years did I imagine Id miss hearing those words.
Then I started noticing tiny changes. She no longer messaged me during the day. Previously, shed send texts like stay safe, have a good one, or have you eaten? Now, nothing. In the evenings, shed go to bed looking at her phone, back turned to me, not reaching for my hand, not asking how I was. One day, I called her love, and she responded by calling me by my first name. At that moment, something strange stirred in my chest.
One evening, I mustered up the courage to ask her:
Do you still love me?
She went quiet. Didnt look at me. Just murmured:
I dont know I dont feel the same anymore.
It hit me like a cold slap. I asked what happened, if there was someone else, if Id done something unforgivable. She assured me there was no one else she was just tired. Tired of feeling lonely in her own home. Tired of talking without being heard. Tired of saying I love you and getting nothing back.
That night, I remembered every time shed said I love you, and Id replied with same here without looking up, hugging her, or showing any real attention. I thought of the nights I came home, glued to my phone. The moments shed pleaded for us to go out or do something together, and I opted for the sofa. I honestly believed providing for her and keeping a roof over our heads was enough. She needed words, time, attention.
Now, Im trying to change. I say I love you. I hug her. I text her. I invite her out. But its not the same. She watches me carefully, as if afraid of wishing for something again. Sometimes, when I say I love her, she replies with thank you. That stings more than a straight no.
We live under the same roof, sleep in the same bed, but its not the same. I feel as though Im trying to put out a fire when the house is already ashes. I dont know if Im too late. I dont know if shes already moved on in her heart. All I know is, Id give anything to go back to those days when she said I love you without a second thought.
What would you advise?
