I realised something was wrong on the day I noticed my wife no longer said, I love you. I couldnt tell you exactly when it stopped. Was it last week? Last month? Longer? All I know is, she used to say it constantlywhen heading out in the morning, when hanging up the phone, before we fell asleep. And Id reply with, Me too, Same here, or a vague, Haha, love.
Im thirty-four. I spend all day at work. Im out the door at dawn and come home worn out. I always believed being a good husband meant ticking the boxespaying the bills, doing the shopping, being home, never straying. Id return, eat dinner, shower, then sit glued to my phone or the telly. Shed share her day, and Id toss out monosyllables: Uh-huh, Yeah, Well talk later, Im knackered. When she told me she loved me, it felt routine, like something automatic. I never imagined Id one day be desperate to hear it.
It was the little changes that caught my eye. She stopped sending texts during the day. Before, Id get messages: Take care, Hope you have a lovely day, Have you eaten? Nowsilence. At night, she lay facing her phone, her back to me. She didnt reach for my hand anymore. She didnt ask how I was. One day, I called her love, and she replied with my name. Something tight and odd twisted in my chest.
One evening, I finally found the courage to ask:
Do you still love me?
She was quiet. She wouldnt meet my gaze. Eventually, she said,
I dont know I dont feel the same anymore.
It landed like a punchdry and sharp. I asked her what had happened, whether there was someone else, whether Id done something unforgivable. She said there was nobody else. She was just tired. Tired of feeling alone even when Im around. Tired of talking and not being heard. Tired of saying I love you and never hearing it back.
That night, memories flashed one after anotherthe times she told me she loved me and Id mumble me too without looking up, without reaching out, without pausing to recognise her. Those evenings Id drift home and bury myself in emails or social feeds. The moments shed suggest we go out, do something together, and Id opt for an early night. I always believed love was proven by providing, by making sure everything was sorted. She needed words, time, attention.
Since then, Ive tried to change. I say I love you now. I hug her. I text her. Invite her out. But its not the same. She watches me with guarded eyes, as if afraid to hope again. Sometimes, when I tell her I love her, she just replies, Thank you. That stings more than any no.
We share the same house, sleep in the same bedbut its different. I feel as though Im trying to put out a fire when hardly anythings left to save. I dont know if Im too late. I dont know if shes already forgotten me. All I know is, Id give anything to go back to those dayswhen she said I love you without hesitation.
What would you advise me?
