The Price of Deceit: How One Woman Chose to Preserve Her Family
I was driven to share this narrative after frequently encountering confessions online from women who consciously chose deceit to keep their families intact. These stories often involved a wife unable to conceive with her husband, who then secretly had a child with another man. The husband believed the child was biologically his. Meanwhile, the wife remained silent in the name of “love” and “happiness.”
Reading these accounts filled me with a mix of pain and indignation. Yes, life is complicated. Sometimes fate denies us the chance to give life. But deceit, particularly such a fundamental one, destroys not only families but also the very souls of those involved.
I speak from experience. For nine long years, I battled infertility. Nine years of injections, tests, tears, hopes, and disappointments. My husband and I wanted a child more than anything in the world. I watched each failed cycle devastate him, although he tried to remain strong for my sake. And every time someone suggested I quietly find a donor— “you’re a woman, your biological clock is ticking”—I felt a surge of anger. Looking at my husband, I realized: no. I couldn’t betray him. I wouldn’t lie, even for the most sacred of reasons—motherhood.
Once, a “friend” suggested, “Why torment yourself? Get pregnant by someone else; he won’t ever find out if the blood matches.” But what, I replied, if something tragic happened? An accident, an illness, or a need for a blood transfusion? Or worse, a transplant? The truth would come out. What then?
I would rather be childless than deceitful. However, fate offered us another path. My husband and I adopted a little girl, Margaret, and I have not once regretted it. She is our daughter, connected not by blood, but by love and heart.
Here’s a story that continues to unsettle me. Our old acquaintances appeared to be the perfect family. They had twins. He was kind, caring, and hardworking. She was beautiful and charming. People looked at them with envy. But, as is often the case, the truth can’t stay hidden forever.
One day the man was diagnosed with congenital infertility. He was stunned. Further tests only confirmed it. The obvious conclusions were that either the children weren’t his, or a medical miracle had occurred. Sadly, a miracle hadn’t happened.
He fell apart. There were no scandals or broken dishes; he simply packed his belongings, left the house, his children, everything, and moved abroad. Reportedly, he now works in London. He never saw his wife again. And the children? They discovered the truth and couldn’t forgive. They went to live with their paternal grandparents. Their mother remained alone in a home once filled with laughter.
The most heartbreaking part was that the children never wanted to return. They grew up and left to study in another city, cutting all ties with her. Occasionally, I hear about her from mutual friends. She still lives alone. Sometimes she’s seen by the shops, looking forlorn and hunched. Silent, even with those she once considered friends.
I share this not from spite but as a woman who understands the pain of being unable to bear children. Of seeing others’ children and feeling an emptiness inside. But, dear friends, deceit is not the cure. It’s a poison that slowly but surely destroys everything it touches.
Today, medicine offers so much: IVF, open and honest donation, adoption. There are ways to be happy without ruins.
I lived through this pain honestly. And now, when my Margaret calls me “mum,” when she cuddles up to me in her sleep, I know I did the right thing. My conscience is clear. And by my side is my husband, whose trust I never lost.
Dear women, if you find yourself at such a crossroads, please, don’t lie. Don’t betray a partner who loves you. A harsh truth is better than a sweet lie that will eventually destroy everything. Most importantly, don’t justify betrayal with love. Real love doesn’t breed deceit. Real love is honesty, even if it hurts.
Let this story serve as a warning. Don’t repeat others’ mistakes. If fate has taken away motherhood from you, it will surely give you something else. The key is to keep your soul intact.
