I have always been very surprised when I look at parents who do not help their adult children at all, but instead expect help from them. My husband and I have always helped our children.
First we gave both our son and daughter higher education. Then we gave them weddings. And even when they started their own families, we often provided them with food and everything they needed. But as it turned out, that wasn’t enough for them. One day my son and daughter-in-law came to visit us and had a very unpleasant conversation with us.
– Parents, here’s the thing. I know that I have my share of the apartment.
– Well, yes, we never hid it. After all, when we bought this apartment, you and your sister were young, but we still took joint ownership right away.
– We decided that I would sell my share. We’ve already found buyers willing to buy it. We really need the money now.
– But, son, what do you mean, “sell”? You want strangers to buy your share and move in here? Are they gonna live here with us? How do you imagine that?
– That’s the way a lot of families live now. It’s all right. You’ll just live as neighbors. Understand us, we want to expand our living space. And we need the money now. What’s the use of this share? So we decided to use it the way we need it.
– Well, if you decide to sell, we won’t stop you. Just don’t sell to strangers. We’ll buy the share ourselves. Tomorrow I’ll consult with a realtor to have it appraised.
– All right, then.
It’s a small apartment, and it’s in an old building. That’s why it’s not worth much. And the share is worth a pittance of money. The daughter gave up her share in our favor, so it turned out that our son sold us his fourth part. He did not expect that the amount would be so small. But it was my daughter-in-law who was the most upset. She made a scandal of her son and then came to me to tell me everything she thought about me.
– Why didn’t Frank get so much money for his share?
– He got as much as it was really worth. You know that a realtor valued the apartment.
– But he’s your own son. What does a realtor have to do with it? You should have given him a lot more just because he needed the money. And you acted like a real cheapskate.
– You don’t have to talk to me like that.
– How else should I talk to you? Normal parents would have moved to a smaller apartment themselves. And they’d give this apartment to their son and daughter-in-law. That’s what we were hoping you’d do. But you did what’s best for you.
– Well, you know, I think we’ve always helped you anyway. Why else would we give you the apartment? Other kids don’t expect help from their parents, they help themselves. And we just put you on our backs. Does Frank even know that you came to see me?
– Yes, he does. And he agrees with me on everything. He thinks what you did was wrong, too.
– Well, in that case, you can go home. And tell our son that until he apologizes, we won’t talk to him.
– He doesn’t want to see or talk to you after what you did.
My sister-in-law left after this conversation and slammed the door. Turns out they were counting on us to buy ourselves some tiny little room in the suburbs and just sign the apartment over to them. And we didn’t get it. It seems like we did as they asked, but the result was a scandal. Now my son doesn’t talk to us and doesn’t come to visit. I don’t know if my daughter-in-law doesn’t let me in, or if we raised such an unprincipled person. So far, we are living as strangers. Although, of course, I am waiting for him to call and apologize.
