Thank you, but I don’t want a holiday like that!
— I’ve got great news! — Alex announced as he walked into the flat. — We’re going on holiday!
Mary, however, didn’t react with the enthusiasm one might expect. This surprised her too. Alex had been talking for ages about going on a trip together somewhere by a warm sea, a escape from the damp and dreary city… And now it seemed the plans were finally about to come true. Where were the long-awaited feelings?
Alex seemed to notice his wife’s lackluster mood. He frowned.
— Mary, what’s up? Changed your mind already?
— No, — Maria sighed, still trying to figure out what was wrong. — Just… Never mind, tell me where you plan to go?
Alex eagerly began describing his vision of their holiday together. Indonesia, a tropical paradise, remote islands, Komodo dragons…
— Komodo dragons, can you imagine? — he said breathlessly. — I’ve always dreamed of seeing them!
Mary couldn’t imagine. She’d only seen those dragons in pictures online, where they seemed terrifying and dangerous. She had no desire to see these giant lizards in person.
— Alex… — she said hesitantly, — maybe we could just stick to Turkey? All-inclusive classic, hotel, beach, entertainers… Buffet, you know? We’re going for a break, not to risk our lives.
— What do you mean? — Alex immediately frowned again. — What risks? The excursions are guided by an experienced tour guide, nothing’s going to happen.
Maria just shrugged. The guide might not let “that” happen, but for her, that wouldn’t be rest. She wanted to lie on the beach, sunbathe, and drink lemonade, not chase after dragons with a camera. But the majority of any trip’s budget was provided by Alex, so she had to listen. And agree.
Her husband continued to describe how amazing it would be to stay in a thatched bungalow by the sea, which national dishes to try, where to go…
Mary was only half-listening. Alex, as usual, had already decided everything. Her opinion didn’t matter here.
This was how it always went. Alex made all the decisions – which household appliances to buy, which nursery to send their son John to, what wallpaper color to choose. Yes, he had a good sense for quality things. But while Mary could not care less about the wallpaper’s color, she couldn’t disregard matters affecting their shared time together just as easily.
Until recently, Maria had agreed with her husband about everything. She drove a red car, even though she hated the color. She vacationed in far-off places like the Pyrenees and the Hebrides when she would have preferred a Cornish beach. She went to water parks instead of botanical gardens. And so on.
Initially, Mary tried to convince herself that this was how it should be. That her husband was simply trying to broaden her horizons, get her out of her comfort zone, and so on.
Alex was indeed very active – always had been since they’d met. Open to new trends and experiences. Mary was more of a traditionalist. But her parents always marveled at how much Alex knew and did. She never managed to out-argue the three of them.
Over time, she stopped arguing at all. She tried to embrace the imposed lifestyle. She went skiing under her husband’s guidance. Almost broke her leg, but even a day in the emergency room didn’t convince Alex that she wasn’t an athlete. She started going to the pool, even though she’d disliked water since childhood and only ever wanted to “dip in and out” at the seaside.
There were many such examples. Initially, new activities added something different to Mary’s life, but gradually this novelty gave way to melancholy.
Mary didn’t understand what was happening. Alex was just as active and enthusiastic, bubbling over with ideas one crazier than the other. He found ways to fulfill his dreams. And Mary just followed along like a tag-along.
Sometimes she did feel like she was tied down. That she was no longer an independent person, but a kind of appendage supposed to think like Alex, love what he loved, and so on.
— Fine, — she finally sighed wearily. — You’ve already decided and planned it all. What about asking me?
Alex waved his hand dismissively. As if to say, I’m doing it for your sake, and you don’t appreciate it!
— If I had asked, what then? — he said. — You‘d drag me off to your dull Turkey again!
— “Again”? — exclaimed Mary. — What do you mean “again”? Have we ever gone there?
Alex opened his mouth to reply but didn’t get a chance. His wife had started:
— Have you ever asked me where I want to go, how I want to live, what car I want to drive?! No! You decide everything! Mary this, Mary that, do it like this, get into that, but why? To make it easier for you? To show off to your friends how smart and athletic your wife is and how we agree on everything? Is it just to fulfill your dreams? Have you asked about mine? Thanks, but I don’t want a holiday like that!
Mary paused. There was a tight knot in her throat, and tears were starting to form in her eyes.
— Mary, but I love you… — Alex seemed confused and annoyed by this unexpected outburst from his usually quiet and obedient wife.
— No! — Mary retorted sharply. — You don’t behave like this with someone you love! When you love someone, you ask what they want. What they dream of. Instead, you boost your ego at their expense!
Feeling that the tears were about to flow freely, Mary rushed out of the room.
“Enough is enough! Let him take photos of bugs and dragons on his own if they mean more to him than his wife!”
***
Mary sat in the kitchen, silently staring out of the window. She had almost calmed down, at least she was no longer crying. She had thought many bad things about her husband, gotten upset, cried some more, got angry again. She seemed calmer now, but deep within her heart, there was still a residue of hurt and pain.
The door clattered, and a moment later, Alex appeared in the kitchen doorway. Silently, he placed some documents on the table.
— What’s this? — Mary looked up at her husband, blinking in surprise.
— New tickets, — Alex said calmly. — I exchanged them. We’re going to Cornwall.
— Really? — his wife smiled, thinking to herself that she should never have kept quiet all these years.
Mary blinked and looked at him gratefully, and her husband hugged her and kissed her on the head.
— Forgive this fool. I love you, Mary.
