Thank you, but I don’t want that kind of holiday!
“I’ve got some great news!” announced Alex, stepping into the apartment. “We’re going on holiday!”
Mary received the news without much enthusiasm, which surprised even herself. Alex had been planning a trip to a warm seaside destination for a while, away from the damp, dreary city. Now that plans were becoming a reality, where were the long-awaited emotions?
Alex seemed to catch his wife’s lack of excitement and frowned. “Mary, what’s up? Changed your mind already?”
“No,” Maria sighed, trying to sort out her feelings. “Just… So, where are you thinking of going?”
Alex eagerly began to detail his vision of their vacation. Indonesia, a tropical paradise, untouched islands, Komodo dragons…
“Can you imagine Komodo dragons?” he said excitedly. “I’ve always dreamed of seeing them!”
Maria couldn’t imagine it. She’d only seen pictures of the dragons online, where they looked terrifying and dangerous. She had no desire to see those giant lizards up close.
“Alex…” she hesitantly interrupted, “how about Turkey? The classic – all-inclusive, hotel, beach, entertainers… Buffet, eh? We’re going to relax, not take risks.”
“What do you mean?” Alex frowned immediately. “There aren’t any risks. The tours are guided by experienced people who won’t let anything happen.”
Maria just waved her hand dismissively. They might prevent anything dangerous, but that wasn’t her idea of relaxation. She wanted to lay on a beach, soak up the sun, and sip on soda, not chase dragons with a camera. Since Alex handled most of the travel budget, she felt she had to listen and agree.
Her husband kept talking about how amazing it would be to stay in a beachfront hut, the national dishes to try, and places to see…
Mary listened only half-heartedly. As usual, Alex had already decided everything without her input.
That was how it always had been. Alex made all the decisions – whether it was about household appliances, which preschool to send Johnny to, or what color wallpaper to choose. He had good taste and made reasonable choices, but while Mary didn’t care about wallpaper colors, she couldn’t just ignore decisions about their shared experiences.
Until recently, Mary had agreed with her husband about everything. She drove a red car, even though she hated red. Vacationed in crazy places like the Scottish Highlands, though she’d prefer a beach in Brighton. Went to the water park, not the botanical gardens. And so on.
Initially, Mary tried to convince herself that this was necessary. That her husband was simply trying to broaden her horizons, push her out of her comfort zone, and so on.
Alex was very active for as long as she’d known him. Open to new trends, new activities. Mary was more conservative. But her parents admired how Alex was capable of so many new, exciting things. Mary never managed to argue with that trio.
Eventually, she stopped arguing altogether. Tried to love the lifestyle being foisted on her. Took up skiing under her husband’s guidance. Almost broke her leg but even a day in the hospital didn’t convince Alex that Mary just wasn’t athletic. Started going to the pool, though she never liked water and even at the beach only dipped her toes in.
There were numerous examples like these. Initially, new activities brought something unusual into Mary’s life, but gradually, the novelty gave way to boredom.
Mary didn’t understand what was happening to her. Alex was still as active and enthusiastic, brimming with ideas, each more incredible than the last. He found ways to realize his dreams. Meanwhile, Mary just followed along like she was tethered.
Sometimes she truly felt tethered. Like she wasn’t an independent person but a mere appendage that had to think, love, and do as Alex did.
“Alright,” she finally exhaled, exhausted. “You’ve already planned everything without asking me?”
Alex just waved dismissively. Like, “I’m doing it for your own good, and you don’t appreciate it!”
“So, if I had asked, what then?” her husband said. “You would drag me to your dull old Turkey again!”
“Again?” Mary exclaimed. “What do you mean ‘again’? We haven’t even been there!”
Alex opened his mouth to reply but didn’t get a chance. His wife was on a roll:
“Have you ever asked where I want to vacation, how to live, or what car to drive? No! You just decide everything! Mary this, Mary that, do it this way, get interested in this, but why? For your convenience? So you can show off to your friends like, ‘Look at my clever sporty wife, and how we’re on the same page’? Is that it? Or just to realize your own dreams? Have you asked about my dreams? Thanks, but I don’t want that kind of holiday!”
Mary stopped. Her throat was tight with emotion, and tears were beginning to well up.
“Mary, but I do love you…” Alex seemed befuddled and frustrated by this sudden outburst from his usually quiet and compliant wife.
“No!” Mary retorted sharply. “When you love someone, you don’t act like this! When you love, you ask what the other person wants, what they dream about. You don’t just boost your ego!”
Feeling the tears threatening to spill, Mary dashed out of the room.
“Enough!” she thought. “Let him photograph his bugs and dragons if they’re more important than his wife!”
***
Mary sat in the kitchen, staring out the window. She’d nearly calmed down, at least the tears had stopped. She’d thought a lot of unkind things about her husband, got angry, cried, got angry again. Seemed to calm down finally, but deep down, the hurt and pain remained.
The door clicked shut, and seconds later, Alex appeared at the kitchen entrance, silently placing some papers on the table.
“What’s this?” Mary looked up at him, blinking in surprise.
“New tickets,” Alex said calmly. “I exchanged them. We’re going to Brighton.”
“Really?” she smiled, thinking to herself how she regretted not speaking up sooner.
Mary blinked and looked at him with gratitude as her husband hugged her and kissed the top of her head.
“Forgive me, darling. I love you, Mary…”
