The shock was overwhelming: he found out I was pregnant and dumped me like a coward!
My name is Alice Thompson, I’m 20 years old, and I live in Ashford, a town where the daily grind is hidden beneath the shade of woods and the river. For a long time, I hesitated to write this, but after reading the confessions of other girls, I decided to share my pain. My story is a wound that hasn’t healed, a shadow that follows me, poisoning my youth.
It all began when I was 15. I fell for a boy, Tom, who was so handsome he seemed like a dream. His eyes, his smile — every girl in school secretly swooned over him. I couldn’t believe my luck when a friend whispered that he wanted to meet me. “Are you serious?” I asked, my heart pounding like a trapped bird. I agreed without hesitation. On our first meeting, he gave me a red rose, which I still keep pressed between the pages of an old book. That evening was like a fairy tale: his voice, his warmth — I was lost in it, not realizing I was falling into an abyss.
I gave myself to him, and it turned out to be my fatal mistake. Soon, I found out I was pregnant. My world collapsed. When my parents learned, they looked at me as if I were a stranger: my dad was silent, clenching his fists, while my mum cried as if I had died. I was terrified, trapped, unable to see a way out. And Tom, my charming prince, abandoned me like a coward. When he heard about the baby, he turned pale, mumbled something incoherent, and vanished — as if he had never existed. I was left alone, with the fear, the shame, and the weight that crushed my youth.
At home, a silence fell — more frightening than yelling. My parents turned away, stifled with hurt, and I didn’t know where to run. In the end, with my mum’s consent, I had an abortion. It was hell: pain, tears, emptiness. Afterward, I shut myself away, as if in a coffin. The shock was so severe that I couldn’t look a guy in the eye for years. Since then, I’ve had no one — no dates, no hints of feelings. Love became poison to me, and sex, a nightmare from which I awake drenched in sweat. I’m terrified of getting pregnant again, afraid that if it happens, I’ll have to give birth, and this fear has frozen me completely.
I’ve lost myself. My soul is like a broken violin playing only sorrowful tunes, echoing my melancholy. I live in solitude, in constant sorrow, with no room for joy. The sun has dimmed for me, smiles have become foreign, and my shadow is like a ghost haunting every step. I’ve forgotten how to talk to guys, how to look them in the eyes without trembling. My voice shakes when someone speaks to me, and my heart constricts with dread. I’ve become an ice statue — cold, fragile, unable to feel warmth.
Sometimes I stare into the mirror and don’t recognize myself. Where is the girl who laughed, dreamed, believed in love? Tom stole her, crushed her, leaving me with only pain and fear. I walk through Ashford, see couples in love, and inside everything screams: why not me? Why is my life dark? I want to love, to live, but each time I think about it, his face appears — handsome, deceitful, cowardly. He left me in the most terrifying moment, and this shock still echoes within me.
I don’t know how to escape this nightmare. Fear has chained me: I’m scared to trust again, scared to open up, scared to relive that nightmare. My youth should be filled with light, but I’m drowning in despair. Friends invite me out, but I hide at home, in my room, where only the walls know my pain. My parents forgave me long ago, but I can’t forgive myself — for being naive, for being weak, for believing him. The rose in my book is a reminder of the day I lost everything.
Please, tell me how to live on? How to melt the ice that has encased my heart? I want to break free from the past, but it holds me in a death grip. I’m only 20, yet I feel like an old woman whose life ended before it began. Tom is gone, but he left me with this burden — fear, loneliness, emptiness. How can I find the strength to believe in love, in people, in myself again? I’m tired of crying into my pillow, tired of being afraid. I want sunlight in my soul but don’t know where to find it. Please help me, I’m drowning in this darkness and can’t see the light.
