As I stepped into the flat, a hush fell around me. At the doorway, neatly lined up beside my shoes and John’s Oxfords, sat a pair of heels I recognised instantlyexpensive, towering, unmistakably belonging to his sister, Emily. What on earth was she doing here? I couldnt recall John ever mentioning a visit.
Some hours earlier, as I was walking toward the bus stop, my colleague Peter caught up with me. Sarah, is your husband off on another business trip? he called after me. Fancy a sit down at the café? Ill treat you to your favourite hot chocolate. We never really talkalways just hello, goodbye as we pass.
Im sorry, Peter, not today. John promised hed be home earlywe meant to choose the new kitchen fittings; the flat is still a mess after the refurb. And he hasnt been away in ages.
He get home at a decent hour then? Peter asked, the irony in his tone thinly veiled.
Not always, I replied, shaking my head and managing a small smile. But we really need the money right now. Johns putting in extra hours so we can finish decorating. Once it’s sorted, hell be home on time.
Well, fair enough then, Peter smiled and wished me a pleasant evening before heading in a different direction.
Luck was on my side for oncethe bus arrived almost immediately. Usually Id be left waiting ages. Id left work early too, so I caught it just in time and found an empty seat by the window. Thoughts flickered through my mind.
Years ago Peter and I were planning to marry. Then, almost absurdly, we parted waysI cant even remember the reason anymore. John came along soon after, and I married him partly to show Peter Id moved onthat I wasnt alone, making him regret letting me slip away.
Peter tried to fix things, begged for forgiveness, promised me happiness and loyalty, but by then Id fallen for John. I convinced myself Id never really loved Petermaybe it was just a passing fancy.
Eventually, I stopped thinking of him altogether. Until recently, when they transferred Peter to our local branch from the London office.
He seemed genuinely surprised to see me there, though I had a niggling suspicion hed found out I worked here and asked for the transfer himself. I couldnt deny it felt pleasant that Peter remained unattached and still treated me with the same warm affection.
Deep down, I wished him well and envied his future wife just a littlehe was always such a gentle soul, a dreamer.
As for myself, I couldnt say Id been unlucky with John. Hed just become so busy lately. True enough, he worked hard for our future, determined that we should want for nothing and live comfortably, but there was precious little space left for his wife.
And we were living in Emilys flathis sister had kindly offered us the place while her children grew up.
Emily and her husband never worried about money; shed never worked a day in her life, and letting the flat out for rent made no sense to her. They saw it as an investmenta safety net for their children when they were grown.
John and I decorated to our own taste, Emily gave her blessing, and now we were picking out furniture. But I sometimes thought wed have been better off renting somewhere fully furnished.
Wed invested so much money into this placeit couldve paid several years rent, or contributed to a mortgage, at least. But Johns eyes had sparkled when Emily offered us the flat.
I stepped off the bus, briskly crossed the road, and headed home. The air held that familiar promise of rain, yet I was far from ready to enjoy the cool freshness.
Thoughts whirled in my head, none lingering for long. How much time had passed since John and I moved here? A year? Maybe more? I couldnt recall. Yet the flat still felt temporary, unsettled. We kept making improvements, holding out for something better, as though real life was waiting to beginbut when?
Approaching the building, I realised I was walking slowly, as if stalling for time before entering. The door clicked shut behind me, and I slipped into the dim hallway. I climbed the familiar stairs to the fourth floor, each flight making me feel more anxious.
When I reached our door and stepped inside, I froze. There, at the entrance, neat as ever, were Emilys shoesher unmistakable high heels.
Why was she here? Had John mentioned her popping round? I was sure he hadnt.
Just as I was about to call out, announcing my arrival, something stopped methe prickling sense that I shouldnt announce myself just yet. I hesitated and listened.
We thought wed go away for a break, came Emilys voice from the living room. But my husbands leave got cancelled. So I thought Id give you our tickets. Theres just one catch, she added, her tone firmer now. You must take Veronicanot your wife.
I stiffened. Veronica? I remembered John mentioning her in passing oncea friend of Emilys, who shed tried to set him up with.
At the time, I hadnt given it much thought. Now, hearing that name, a dreadful sense of foreboding gripped me.
I dont need Veronica, John replied, annoyance clear in his voice. Emily, how many times do I have to say? Im with Sarah now. I have Sarah! Why are you pushing this again?
I exhaled, relieved. It was obviousEmily was just trying to have her way, as always. I was almost ready to walk in and greet them, when Emily continued.
Oh, come off it! she said. I remember how you loved Veronica. You were even going to marry her, until you threw a strop over some silly quarrel. Dont be stubbornI can see whats what. Sarahs not right for you. Veronicas a different class.
I stood in shocked silence, trying to take in what Id heard. Loved? Going to marry? John had told me Veronica didnt matter to him. I stared down at the floor, trying to steady my nerve, but Emilys words kept ringing in my ears.
So what? John replied, but his tone now carried a hint of uncertainty. Thats in the past. Yes, alright, but its gone. I love my wife now.
Love her? Emily scoffed. Please, John. We both know you married Sarah only to make Veronica jealous after she ditched you for someone else. Then she came crawling back, begging you to forgive her, wanting to make amends. But you married Sarah to get your own back.
A wave of unease swept over me. Was that true? Did John really marry me just out of spiteto prove something? Suddenly, I felt small, heavy. I remembered rushing into marriage with John myselfon the rebound from Peter.
Even if that was our starting point, hadnt things changed? Didnt we truly love each other now? I held my breath, straining to hear what John would say next.
Its all in the past, I heard him sigh. Im married now, and I have responsibilities.
Oh, what responsibilities? Emily snorted. Thank goodness you havent had children yet. I hope you havent forgotten whose flat you live in? You and Sarah will be scratching around forever, borrowed corners and rooms. Veronica, meanwhile, just inherited a three-bedroom place from her parentsspacious, new. And she still loves you. Shes waiting for you to come to your senses.
Leaning against the cold, hard wall, I struggled to control my emotions. How could Emily say such things? What really scared me was what John would reply. I hardly dared to breathe, waiting for his answer.
Emily, stop, John finally said, slow and weary. The flat doesnt matter. Weve got a roof over our heads for nowand well sort our own place, in time.
But Emily wouldnt let go.
You refuse to face change. Veronicas always been the one for you; its just wounded pride holding you back. Its not too late. With Veronica, youd have security and the kind of life you deserve. Surely you can see youll never be truly happy with Sarah?
She pressed on, By the way, I wont be offering this flat much longer. Ive got my own plans, so youll need to move out soon.
Does Veronica know youre plotting all this? John asked quietly.
Yes, shes well aware! Emily replied. She asked me herself! The trip away was her idea, and she asked me to help.
A heavy silence followed. I felt dizzywhy wasnt John speaking? Was he actually considering it?
And what do I tell Sarah? he finally asked in a quiet voice.
Say youre helping me at the cottage. Were starting some renovations, Emily answered airily, as if it were the simplest solution. Go off with Veronica to the seasideits all sorted.
I couldnt stand to hear any more. Silently, I slipped out of the flat and hurried away, desperate to get as far from home as I could.
My feet took me to a small, welcoming café, nearly empty at that hour. Soft music mingled with the sounds of dusk outside, and I settled by the window, staring blankly out as rain began pattering against the glass. I ordered my usual vanilla hot chocolate, but hardly tasted itmy thoughts reeling with pieces of the conversation Id overheard.
I kept replaying Emilys words, wondering how John could keep such things from mehow he could hide that hed been close to marrying someone else, and his sisters friend at that. I felt betrayed, but even more, I burned with humiliation. Was my marriage nothing but a way for him to get back at his old flame? Id truly thought hed chosen me with his heart, not for revenge. Then again, hadnt I done much the same with Peter? But unlike John, I wouldnt even have coffee with Peter, never mind a trip to the seaside. And I loved John with all my heart.
Night had fallen. I kept watching the city lights blur through rain-streaked windows. I never touched the hot chocolate. Time itself seemed suspended.
John hadnt even called to ask where I was. Probably packing for his trip with Veronica, I thought bitterly, not caring where Ive gone.
But reaching for my phone, I saw the battery was dead.
With a long sigh, I knew I had to go home. Gathering myself, I put on my coat and ventured back out into the cold, wind stinging my cheeks. As I walked, I began preparing myself for the inevitablethe end of my relationship with John. Separation was unavoidable, and I braced myself as best I could.
The heaviness intensified as I neared the building. I climbed the stairs, turned the key, and stepped inside. Silence greeted meno TV, no sounds from the kitchen. But there, in the middle of the lounge, were suitcases. John was packing his things. So its true, I thought, he really is leaving.
What are you doing? I asked automatically, though I already knewperhaps he was off to Emilys cottage.
But John replied unexpectedly.
Sarah, were leaving. Ive found us a new flat. Itll do for now, and well figure out a mortgage later. He paused, giving me a searching look. What kept you? Ive tried calling you all eveningyour phone was dead. Have you taken on extra work?
I could hardly believe what I heard. Everything Id meant to say, every argument and accusation, suddenly seemed pointless. I nodded, unsure how to respond.
Were leaving? I whispered, still uncertain.
John sensed my confusion, came over and tried to explain.
I had a bit of a row with Emily, he admitted. Ive decidedenoughs enough. No more relying on her. We need our own place.
I felt some tension ebb away, though it wasnt over yet. John paused, then sat on the edge of the sofa and invited me to sit with him. When I settled beside him, he told me everything about his conversation with Emily.
I shouldve told you sooner, he added, lowering his voice. Yes, I did have a thing with Veronica. And yes, I married you to get back at her. But please believe me, thats all in the past. Youre the only one I truly love, and I dont want to lose you.
Listening to him, relief slowly spread through me. There was pain from the dishonesty, yes, but it mattered that we were finally speaking openly.
Im sorry I never told you, John murmured, head bowed. When you told me about your engagement to Peter, I thought my confession would be too much. Then I just couldnt bring it up.
Tears welled in my eyes, but this time from relief.
Alright, I sighed, The past is past. You say youve found a flat?
Yes, John replied, Its temporary, but at least its ours. No more Emily, no more interference. Well manage, I promise. Later well sort a mortgagedo things properly.
I nodded. It felt right. At last, we could live for ourselves, not for anyone elses agenda or well-intended advice.
Well then, John smiled, Shall we pack?
I nodded again, unable to speak. All I could do now was believebelieve that finally, our lives would move forward, leaving the ghosts of the past behind us, just as they should be.
