Rebecca, take her! I cant do it anymore! Even touching her makes my skin crawl!
Louise was shaking. The baby in her arms was howling and red-faced.
Rebecca gently took her niece, nodding quietly.
All right. But this is your decisionyou wont change your mind?
No, I wont change anything! Take her, I dont want her!
The little one had only been in the world a month. From the beginning, everything about Louises pregnancy had felt off. Rebecca blamed the wild mood swings on late pregnancy. Her sister had been widowed for over seven years; her eldest children were grown and off in London and York. A trip to Brighton, a whirlwind affair, and the shock of a late pregnancy had stunned everyone. Louise was never impulsive. At first, it seemed like the idea of another child made her happy. But Rebecca noticed how her sister would pour over tiny baby clothes, searching for prams, only to then drift away into silence, building an invisible wall around herself.
Just before the birth, Louise vanishedshe didnt call their mum, nor Rebecca, nor her children. Alarmed, Rebecca tracked her down at the maternity ward, finding her moments away from signing away any maternal rights.
Louise, whats going on? Why?
I dont know. I dont feel anything. Shesshes a stranger.
She cant be a stranger! Shes your child!
She wont be. Not to me. Louise turned her face to the wall.
Rebecca brought in reinforcements: she fetched their mum. Louise grudgingly agreed to bring the baby home. Their mum insisted they all move in together so she could help out, but in truth, they all carefully watched over Louise. She did what was required for the baby, but always on autopilot, never sitting a second longer than needed. The babys name came from Gran; the arms that held her belonged to her aunt.
Louise, Ill take her. Ill raise her. But a bit of time will passwho do you think shell call mum?
I dont care. Just as long as it isnt me.
A week later, paperwork was signed. Rebecca became her nieces official guardian. Louise left for Manchester.
Little Alice grew into a whirlwind, giggling and lively. She walked early, talked early, and called Rebecca Mum.
Twelve years slipped away.
Mum! I got all top marks today, and tomorrow our class is off to the cinema! Alices bright voice sang through the house.
That her?
Yes, Louise. And Im begging you, just
Hello! Im Alice. And you are?
In the kitchen doorway stood a tall, wide-eyed girl, glancing between the woman at the table and the pale, trembling one by the window.
IIm Louise. Im your mother, Alice.
I told you Rebecca snapped at her sister, stepping quickly to her daughter. Alice! Ill explain
No need, Mum. Lets listen. So, you say youre my mother. And?
Ive come for you. I want you to live with me now.
Why?
Youre my daughter.
No, Im not. I have a mum, right hereand shes all I want. As for you, I hope this is the first and last time I ever see you. Alice spun on her heel and left the kitchen.
Rebecca dropped, spent, into a chair.
What have you achieved?
Nothing. Yet. But I willdont doubt it. If I have to go to court, I will.
What for? You didnt want her! None of us knew why. Now, after all these years you come here, expecting her to fall into your arms? Sorry, Louise, go see Mum, then well talk. I need to be with my daughter.
My niece, Louise shot back as she stood.
Rebecca just sighed. She closed the door, then headed into Alices room.
Alice
Mum, wait. Before you start, theres something I need to say. I know everything. Remember last year when we helped Gran clear her attic? I found the guardianship papers. I was furious at first that you never told me, then I desperately wanted to meet herto ask why. But then I realised, I dont need any of it. Youre my mother, and I need no other!
Alice, my darling girl. Youre mineno one will take you away.
And Im not going anywhere either! Alice grinned. Remember my classmate, Kit? His mums a solicitorfamily law. Give her a ring.
Honestly, darling, dont grow up too quickly. So sure of yourself, making all the decisions! But for nowfine. Im the adult, rememberyour mum, for the record. Rebecca laughed and put her arms around her daughter. Of course well call. Of course well sort this out.
The weeks that followed brimmed with nerves, lawyers, and hearings, but the judge left everything unchanged. Alice had spoken clearly: she wouldnt live with her birth mother, or call her mum.
Afterwards, the sisters stood outside the courthouse, rain spitting on the cobbles.
Thats it, then. At last, its over, Rebecca sighed. What will you do now?
Ill go, Rebecca. I wont get in the way. Ill help, thoughplease dont refuse. Theres a savings account for Alice; all the papers are with Mum.
Why, Louise? Why did you leave her?
There was no romance, Rebecca. None of it. Just a dark park, late at night.
Rebeccas breath vanished; her limbs stiffened.
And you never told? she whispered. All these years, you kept it all inside?
There was nothing to fix. Thats why I said nothing. At first, I thought it was the changeonly later did I realise I was pregnant, and then it was too late. Dont tell Alice, please. She doesnt need that; its my burden, not hers. Maybe one day, shell forgive me.
Rebecca leaned in, wrapping an arm around her, glancing to where Alice stood in the drizzle chatting to Gran.
Sometimes the bleakest nightmares become something beautiful. Shes stunning, isnt she? Louise brushed away tears and, for the first time in years, Rebecca saw her sister smile.
