May 3, 2025
Tonight I sat down with my old man, Arthur, in the kitchen of our modest terraced house in Oxford. The kettle whistled, but the words that followed were far heavier than any brew.
Dad, Im thinking of filing for divorce, I blurted. Im fed up. Mumwell, my wifehas become so lazy. How long am I supposed to shoulder everything on my own?
He looked up, his eyes softening. Forgive me, son, he said quietly.
For what? I asked, a sting of guilt already rising.
For not always being kind to your mother, he replied. Thats my fault, and its why a dark corner has formed in you, a thought of ending it all.
You mean, dont divorce?
No, dont walk out. Never even entertain that notion.
Should I just endure it forever?
Endurance isnt what you need. It isnt her youre tolerating; its your own harshness toward her. Change yourself and the world around you will shift.
How do I change?
Look at your wife the way the Good Lord intended. She is a gift, your joy, your partner, the mother of your children. Think of her as a delicate china cup the Creator placed in your handshandle it gently, with care, with reverence. Everything else is trifles.
If she cant manage something today, shell learn. Im not perfect either, and Ive had to learn a great many things.
If she falls short, cover her weakness with your strength and love. If she doesnt know something, sit down with her over a cup of tea in the evening, hold her shoulders tenderly, and explain. Your path is yours alone; your love belongs to you alone. Anyone who tries to sow hatred in your home is an enemywhether its your mother, your brother, or your best mate. Do not judge them for it. Offer forgiveness, and let each of them see that for his wife, for his love, he would die without a second thought, yet he would never allow anyone to lay a filthy hand on his family.
I swallowed hard as he continued. Did your parents ever consider parting ways?
We fought fiercely at times, even without counsellors. Pride made us foolish. Your life is different. No one can drive you out of Gods grace. Ask Him for wisdom, be willing to compromise, comfort each other, and cherish one another. Love, if you think you dont know it, will grow. Youll only truly grasp its magnitude in old age, when you gently embrace your wife on a quiet evening and words become unnecessary.
He fell silent, and for the first time in a long while I truly saw Clairenot as a problem but as a human being who tires, who has frailties, who longs for warmth and support. Shame rose in me; I had spent so long fixating on her flaws and never on the light that once danced in her eyes when we were newly in love.
Later that night, I returned home without a word of reproach. I slipped into the living room, took Claire in my arms, and whispered, Im sorry, love. I failed to notice the greatest gift in my life.
She seemed taken aback, but a faint spark flickered in her eyesthe same spark that first bound our hearts together. No grand speech was needed. A quiet touch, a shared breath, and the sense that we were still together did all the talking.
True love never truly fades; it merely slips beneath a layer of grievances and daily chores. Yet when you water it with attention, patience, and tenderness, it awakens, stronger than it ever was.
I feel a weight lift from my shoulders. Perhaps, if I keep my heart open, the road ahead will be smoother. For now, Ill hold her a little tighter, listen a little more, and let the Almighty guide us forward.
