Son, I dont want you and your wife to split apart on my account. Please, just take me to a care home!
It was over half a year ago now that I brought my mother to live with us. She was already becoming quite frail at that pointeighty-three years old and facing the world alone after my father passed away. Shed always lived in a little village outside Oxford, and I dreaded the thought of her growing old by herself out there. My own children were grown, scattered to different corners of England, and it was just my wife and me left in our modest two-bedroom flat in Reading. I thought it would be easy enough to make space for Mum.
At first, my wife said nothing. She put on a brave face, but after a week I could see she wasnt taking it well. Even small things began to get under her skin.
Listen, she said one evening, perhaps it would be best if your mother took her meals separately, once were finished?
But why? I asked.
Its just easier that way. My appetite vanishes when I watch her trying to chew without her dentures. Its revolting, really.
Oh, come now. Well all be old one day, I replied.
Thats different.
Mum had other frailties as well. Her health was failingher digestion troubled her, and worse still for my wife, she snored thunderously at night. Soon, she wasnt even welcome in our kitchen anymore. Eventually, my wife began insisting that Mum remain in her bedroom and avoid the main parts of the flat entirely. After a while she confronted me:
I didnt expect her to live with us for so long. I really cant bear it anymore, she confessed.
So what do you want me to do? I asked.
Send her back to her cottage in Oxfordshire.
She cant manage alone! You know that.
Many old people fend for themselves. Why am I made to feel like a guest in my own home, left to put up with that constant chomping and the smell?
I felt utterly lost. Then, the other evening, I came home to find Mum sitting in the hallway, suitcase packed.
Mum, what are you doing?
Son, will you take me to an old peoples home?
But why? Theres no need for that.
I dont want to see you two fall apart because of me.
She keeps trying to persuade me. The thought of her left in some care facility breaks my heartI know Id never forgive myself. Perhaps it would be better to leave everything behind and move with her to a small house in the countryside? I just dont know how best to do right by everyone.
