So, is a marriage certificate really stronger than just living together?
The blokes would always have a laugh at Alice about it.
Im not going to the thirtieth university reunion, I nearly shouted down the phone to my only real friend, Maggie.
It always puts me in a right mood afterwards.
Let the lot who go every year handle itthey hardly notice how they change!
Whats up with you, then? Maggie sounded properly puzzled.
We saw each other about five years ago, and you looked fine.
Have you got heavier or something?
Oh, dont start, its not about that.
I just dont want to go, alright, Meg?
Please stop pushing!
I was about to hang up, hoping shed get the hint and move on to the rest of her list.
But Maggie wasnt having it this time.
Alice, there are fewer and fewer of us these days.
What, has someone popped their clogs? The thought genuinely startled me.
I might not be young, but surely not old enough for that?
No, nothing like that.
A few moved abroad, thats all.
The only one who passed was Andy Field, ages ago.
Ive told you before.
So dont be difficult.
The whole class is meeting, or whats left of itonly about thirty people in total.
Didnt your son just get married?
You deserve a bit of fun.
Maggie kept talking, but suddenly I thought of Andy Field again.
He always looked tired, deep circles under his eyes, with this weight to his stare.
The lads all thought he was a soft touch.
But it turned out Andy had a weak heart.
He was clever, always dreamed of designing this beautiful bridge in our hometown, but never had the chance.
And what had I done?
Fallen for Mark, the foreman at the construction site where I started after uni.
Mark would work in our city, then head home when the job was over.
We were together for ages, Mark even called me his wife in front of everyone.
He used to say living together matter more than a bit of paperreal love doesnt need a marriage certificate.
When I found out I was pregnant, it just so happened Mark didnt come back to site.
I learned hed already got three kids and a sick wife.
Quit his job, too, and never even told me.
I just knew I couldnt expect much from a man with a family who needed him.
I quietly left construction before it became gossip.
Still, some blokes couldnt help themselves:
So, turns out a marriage certificate is stronger than shacking up, eh?
But I couldnt care less by then.
An old neighbour got me a job at the local grocers down the road, said I could work a couple of days even after my son was born.
My mum had agreed to look after Jamie while I worked, though she still gave me an earful about wasting a good job.
You made me this way! I finally yelled back once, when she pushed me over the edge.
I hoped youd turn out proper!
I scrimped for your education and you throw it away, Alice, you fool! she ranted.
What sort of seed you sow, thats what you reap, isnt it? I shot back, but felt bad straight after
Eventually we hugged it out and had a good cry, but the reality didnt change.
So when Maggie called five years after graduation, begging me to come to a class meet-up, I of course dodged it.
What would I talk about?
Family, jobs, show each other photos?
I cleaned for a livingthree places, at that: the communal halls, the local primary school, and the nursery.
What on earth could I say to them?
And what would they say to me?
Jamie was all I really had, and Id do anything for him.
Especially since my mum decided, once Jamie started school, that shed done her bit.
She moved to her sisters in the countryside, saying the city didnt suit her.
But then, out of nowhere, I lucked out and landed a part-time office job in my actual field.
Jamie had just started school.
I could manage everything and even pick Jamie up after lunch clubother mums were jealous, honestly.
Later, a lad from work tried to court me, but I shut it down.
My son didnt need some stranger in the houseno one could replace his dad, might as well not bring that trouble in.
I did well at work, though, and when Jamie got older, I finally started earning halfway decent money, full-time as an engineer.
Still, I always felt a bit lesskept myself quiet, dressed plainly, didnt dye my hair.
After forty, the grey started coming anyway.
I felt like I didnt have the right to be happy, after living with a married man, and nearly taking a dad away from three kids.
I shouldnt dress bright, or paint my face, or be noticeddidnt want another man looking my way.
I knew happy endings were for other peopledivorcees everywhere, and I hardly felt better than them.
But Jamie turned out kind and grateful, despite everything.
Each summer, hed go stay with his Granny Iris and Great Aunt Lizzie in the country, help them with the garden.
Hed dig allotments, help plant spuds and carrots, weed the beds, and haul out crops in the autumn, even help with all the pickling.
He was always strong, chopping firewood, stacking logs neatly in the shed.
Even my mother would say now, What luck youve got a son like him, Alice, and Lizzie loves him too.
So really, what point would there be in me going to some café, chatting with old classmates at a thirty-year reunion
All these worn-out thoughts flashed through my mind in seconds, while Maggie was still on the line:
So, did you get that?
The café opposite the old halls, next Friday at three.
Please come, at least Ill have someone to chat with.
Will you? she said, her voice suddenly shaky.
Almost before I knew it, I said, Alright, Ill come.
I regretted it straightaway, put the phone down and stared at myself in the mirror, tempted to call Maggie back and make an excuse.
But her line was busy, and then I dont know, I just felt awkward.
Late that night, I opened my wardrobe and took out the blue dress Jamie bought for my sons wedding last year.
He and his wife, Grace, basically dragged me shopping for itmade me try on half the shopuntil we all agreed on that dress.
They picked out shoes to match; then Grace even took me to get my hair done and coloured, and a proper style for once.
That was just a year ago.
Jamie and Grace live on their own now and theyre happy.
The grey has come back.
Theres no one to dress up for, no reason for me to paint myself up.
Still, I did my hair, put on the blue dress, dabbed a bit of lipstickfelt too bold and wiped it off.
The café was lively when I got there on time.
Maggie spotted me straight away: Alice, you look wonderful!
Im so glad you came!
Shed got a bit rounder, but it suited hermade her look younger, if anything.
We chatted for a while, then someone needed Maggie and she left me alone at the table.
I sipped my juice, listened to the musicsomeone had put together a playlist from our uni days.
Made me smile; we all thought wed have the world at our feet then.
May I have this dance? a voice boomed out over the music.
I looked up and recognised him at onceAlex Smith from the other class.
Hed married in third yearI used to regret that.
I rather liked him back then.
Alice, you look so lovelythis is my first class reunion and I hardly know anyone.
But I recognised you straight away!
Alex offered his hand, and I took it.
We danced a few times, quiet and comfortable, until Alex leaned in:
Alice, shall I walk you home?
Look, Ive been divorced for ages.
But if youve got someone waiting at yours, Ill just see you to your doorits late, thats all
He did walk me home, and the next day, we met again.
After that, we never really parted ways.
When it came to my wedding dress and shoes, Grace helped me pick those outby then, she was starting to show; I was soon to be a grandmother.
I felt bashful, being a bride at my age.
But I let myself be happy.
Grace whispered to me, Mrs.
Carter, youre so beautifulyou and Jamie deserve this.
Its never too late to be happy!
She was rightsitting at the head of our little wedding meal, I looked at my husband, Alex, glowing with joy.
At long last, Id finally forgiven myself.
I let myself be happy.
And if theres one thing Ive learned, its that theres no age limit on happiness.
Its never too late to forgive yourself and start anew.
